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Last updated on Nov 24, 2022

Show, Don't Tell: Tips and Examples of The Golden Rule

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About Martin Cavannagh

Head of Content at Reedsy, Martin has spent over eight years helping writers turn their ambitions into reality. As a voice in the indie publishing space, he has written for a number of outlets and spoken at conferences, including the 2024 Writers Summit at the London Book Fair.

Show, don’t tell is a writing technique in which story and characters are related through sensory details and actions rather than exposition. It fosters a more immersive writing style for the reader, allowing them to “be in the room” with the characters.

In his oft-repeated quoted, Anton Chekhov said , “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass."

In short: showing illustrates, while telling merely states. Here’s a quick example:

Showing: As his mother switched off the light and left the room, Michael tensed. He huddled under the covers, gripped the sheets, and held his breath as the wind brushed past the curtain.

Telling: Michael was terribly afraid of the dark.

In the “showing” example, rather than merely saying that Michael is afraid of the dark, we’ve put him in a situation where his experience of that fear takes center stage. The reader can deduce the same information they’d get from the “telling” example but in a much more compelling way.

In this post, we'll show you why Show Don't Tell is the most popular "rule" in creative writing and show you how you can add some "showing" skills to your toolkit.

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Drawing the readers in with action

Showing also helps develop characters in a way that isn't just listing their traits . For instance, rather than telling your readers that “Gina was selfish and immature,” you could show this side of her by writing a scene where she whines about how everyone forgot her half-birthday. Or if you have a character who’s extremely determined, show her actually persisting through something — don’t just say “she was persistent.”

When done right, showing draws readers into the narrative with truly immersive description. It contributes to story development but also leaves certain things up to the reader’s interpretation, which is much more interesting than making everything explicit. (Though of course, you can still use language to alter their perception ).

The bottom line: telling might be quicker, and it’s certainly necessary to have some telling in every story (more on that later), but showing should almost always be your prime strategy.

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All right, that’s enough theory for now! Let’s talk about how you can show, not tell, in your own work. Here are five key tips on how to show rather than tell in a story

4 Practical 'Show, Don’t Tell' Tips

Let's start with one of the most important aspects of storytelling...

Tip #1. Create a sense of setting

One of the best ways to show rather than tell is to create a sense of setting. You can do this by writing about how characters perceive and interact with their surroundings, weaving plenty of sensory details and occasional action into the scene. This is a particularly good way to lend immediacy to your story, as the reader should be able to imagine themselves in that very setting. 

Telling: I walked through the forest. It was already Fall and I was getting cold.

Showing: The dry orange leaves crunched under my feet as I pulled the collar up on my coat. 

Tip #2. Use dialogue to show character

In addition to setting, you can also use dialogue to demonstrate story elements beyond the surface conversation. A character’s speech will tell the reader a lot about them , especially when they’re first being introduced.

Do they use long sentences and polysyllabic words or do they prefer short, punchy replies? Are there likely to use slang and call an authority figure “dude” or “fam” or will they address them respectfully as “Mr. So-and-So”?

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Tip #3. If in doubt, always describe action

“Telling” almost always grinds your narrative momentum to a halt . Imagine having to describe the setting every time your characters enter a new space — any pace you had built in your chapter would be destroyed. However, it’s still important to evoke the setting and put your scene in context. And that’s where showing action comes in handy.

Let’s say you start your scene with your character walking through St Mark’s Square in Venice. Instead of describing the pigeons, the tourists and the layout of the space, you can evoke it through action:

He was late. St Mark’s clocktower had struck one and Enzo found himself pushing against the tide of tourists milling towards the cafes lining the Piazza San Marco. A clump of pigeons scattered in front of him.

Through action, you’re able to describe the setting of the scene while also maintaining your story’s forward motion.

Tip #4. Use strong details, but don’t overdo it

Strong, vivid details are crucial to the process of showing. However, that doesn’t mean you should include too many details, especially those that are overly embellished. This kind of excessively ornate language can be just as bad as “telling” language that’s too basic, as it may cause the reader to lose interest in your super-dense prose.

Too much detail: The statue felt rough, its aged facade caked with dust and grime as I weighed it in my hand, observing its jagged curves and Fanta-colored hue.

Just right: It was heavier than it looked. Some of the orange facade crumbled in my hand as I picked it up.

Strike the right balance by alternating between simple and complex sentences and ideas, and different types of sensory detail, so the reader doesn’t get overloaded on one type.

'Show, Don’t Tell' Examples

To break down this technique even further, here are a few additional "show, don't tell" examples of authors showing rather than telling in their writing. If you want to analyze even more examples of this tactic, just crack open the nearest novel! Pretty much every work of fiction involves showing, and observing the tactics of successful authors is one of the best ways to learn for yourself.

Example #1. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

I once had a garden. I can remember the smell of the turned earth, the plump shapes of bulbs held in the hands, fullness, the dry rustle of seeds through the fingers. Time could pass more swiftly that way. Sometimes the Commander’s Wife has a chair brought out, and just sits in it, in her garden. From a distance it looks like peace.

This passage uses various senses (smell, touch, and sound) to recreate the atmosphere of Offred’s old garden, romanticizing the act of gardening to show that she misses those days. It also connects that peaceful past time to the present day, implying that many people no longer feel at peace, including the Commander’s Wife.

Example #2. It by Stephen King

In this early scene, young Georgie runs after his toy boat as he is unwittingly being lured by a malevolent force.

Now here he was, chasing his boat down the left of Witcham Street. He was running fast but the water was running faster and his boat was pulling ahead. He heard a deepening roar and saw that fifty yards farther down the hill the water in the gutter was cascading into a storm drain that was still open. It was a long dark semi-circle cut into the curbing, and as Georgie watched, a stripped branch, its bark as dark and glistening as sealskin, shot into the storm drain’s maw.

King renders the fast-running rivulets of a rainy day by having Georgie run alongside them, unable to keep up. Then he sees the storm drain, which King aptly calls a “maw” (a spot-on metaphor), and its threat is heightened by the sound of its “deepening roar” and the fact that it swallows an entire branch. Needless to say, poor Georgie’s boat doesn’t stand a chance.

Example #3. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

In this scene, a suburban husband awakens to the sound of his wife’s cooking.

My morning breath warmed the pillow, and I changed the subject in my mind. Today was not a day for second-guessing or regret, it was a day for doing. Downstairs, I could hear the return of a long-lost sound: Amy making breakfast. Banging wooden cupboards (rump-thump!), rattling containers of tin and glass (ding-ring!), shuffling and sorting a collection of metal pots and iron pans (ruzz-shuzz!). A culinary orchestra tuning up, clattering vigorously toward the finale.

This passage starts off fairly simple, building up to the grand metaphor of the kitchen noises as a “culinary orchestra.” It’s also noteworthy for its use of onomatopoeia, which is a great tactic for “showing” sound.

However, this passage isn’t just what Nick hears: it’s also what he feels (“my morning breath warmed the pillow”) and thinks (“I changed the subject in my mind”). The intimate description pulls the reader in, and the passage's rhythm (quite literally!) keeps them engaged.

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Example #4. Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

In this passage, Kristen contemplates her loneliness.

She had never entirely let go of the notion that if she reached far enough with her thoughts she might find someone waiting, that if two people were to cast their thoughts outward at the same moment they might somehow meet in the middle.

The theme of loneliness is evoked by with specific details: the character is shown desperately thinking about human connection. Her use of language — “reached far enough,” “cast their thoughts outward” — illustrates how extreme the character’s isolation is. This also ties into the post-apocalyptic novel’s theme of societal breakdown, which naturally results in isolation. Overall, this description gives us a much better idea of the character of Kirsten and the world of the Station Eleven than if Mandel wrote, “She wished that she weren’t so lonely.”

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Example #5. Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

In this early scene, Fern, the very young daughter of a farmer, learns of a new litter of piglets.

"Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother. "Out to the hoghouse," replied Mrs. Arable. "Some pigs were born last night." "I don't see why he needs an ax," continued Fern, who was only eight. "Well," said her mother, "one of the pigs is a runt. It's very small and weak, and it will never amount to anything. So your father has decided to do away with it." "Do away with it?" shrieked Fern. "You mean kill it? Just because it's smaller than the others?"

From this brief conversation, E.B. White clearly characterizes Fern and sets the plot in motion . After realizing that her father is about to kill a runt pig, Fern steps up to save Wilbur (as she’ll soon christen him), who will become the story's main character. This passage also introduces the themes of empathy toward animals and the prospect of death, which pervades the rest of the book. White could have simply written, “Fern cared a lot about animals,” but from the dialogue, we see it for ourselves — plus we get a sense of how the plot might unfold from here.

Example #6. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

In this extract from Dickens's classic, orphan Oliver arrives in London for the first time.

A dirtier or more wretched place he had never seen. The street was very narrow and muddy, and the air was impregnated with filthy odours. There were a good many small shops; but the only stock in trade appeared to be heaps of children, who, even at that time of night, were crawling in and out at the doors, or screaming from the inside. The sole places that seemed to prosper amid the general blight of the place, were the public-houses… Oliver was just considering whether he hadn't better run away, when they reached the bottom of the hill.

Oliver’s initial impression of London hits us like a train: you can almost taste the filthy air and hear the children screaming for yourself. And if the description of London’s extreme depravity wasn’t already evident enough, you can tell from Oliver’s reaction that it must be pretty bad — for context, he’s just walked 30+ miles to reach London, and this is the first thing that’s really fazed him.

Of course, Dickens might have just written, “Oliver reached London. It was dirty and crowded.” But while this more or less summarizes the above passage, it completely loses the visceral sense of setting and Oliver’s feelings toward that setting. Without these details, the description would be totally generic.

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Example #7. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

In this scene, Montag, a “fireman” tasked with destroying books, hears his boss’s voice in his head, describing the burning of pages.

He could hear Beatty's voice. “Sit down, Montag. Watch. Delicately, like the petals of a flower. Light the first page, light the second page. Each becomes a black butterfly. Beautiful, eh? Light the third page from the second and so on, chainsmoking, chapter by chapter, all the silly things the words mean, all the false promises, all the second-hand notions and time-worn philosophies.”

This excellent use of metaphor (taken from our list of 97 examples from literature and pop culture ) compares the pages of burnt books to “black butterflies”: an eerie image that, fittingly enough, burns itself into our brains. Though no book-burning actually occurs at this moment (Montag is merely imagining it), the reader can still vividly see what it would look like. We shudder at the contrast between the innocent, petal-like pages and the monstrous, destructive fire. Indeed, this is the pinnacle of showing — it really drives home how powerful figurative language can be.

Example #8. White Teeth by Zadie Smith

Archie scrabbling up the stairs, as usual cursing and blinding, wilting under the weight of boxes that Clara could carry two, three at a time without effort; Clara taking a break, squinting in the warm May sunshine, trying to get her bearings. She peeled down to a little purple vest and leaned against her front gate. What kind of a place was this? That was the thing, you see, you couldn’t be sure.

The stream-of-consciousness style here evokes the rushed chaos of moving house. Also, the juxtaposed descriptions of Archie and Clara (him “ scrabbling, cursing, blinding, and wilting ” while she calmly assesses the situation) show how different they are — a disparity that will only grow over the course of the book.

"Telling" is sometimes a better option

Of course, sometimes you have no choice but to do some “telling” in a story. Yes, it’s a narrative shortcut, but sometimes shortcuts are necessary — especially when explaining something quickly, with no fanfare or immersive evocation for readers. Writers often “tell” at the beginning of a story to convey essential information or after a “big reveal” where certain details must be clearly stated. The important thing is balance; as long as you don’t have too much telling or showing, you should be fine.

Finally, remember that there are no hard-and-fast rules for writing. If you’re worried that you’re telling too much and not showing enough, but your writing still flows well and engages readers, don’t feel obligated to change it! And as Jim Thomas says in the video above: “In the arts, rules are more like friendly suggestions. This is especially useful to remember when you’re creating your first or second draft — you’re going to ‘tell’ and that’s okay. You’re still figuring out what your story is about.”

So whether you’re more inclined to show or to tell, just know that with practice, you’ll find the exact style that works for you. And when that happens, you’ll show everyone (sorry, we couldn’t resist!) what you’re made of as a writer.

9 responses

Diane Young says:

05/06/2018 – 21:27

Jim's talk was excellent. I tried to absorb every word he said, but in spots I had to back up the video to listen again for the concept of what he was putting across. The two takeaways that I really GOT were that you can "tell" in the early drafts, scribbled notes or an outline just to get it all down, but then come back later to rewrite and "show" what you told before. The second point that lit up for me is that the reader should start to have their own version of the story. It's all getting clearer in my mind!

Serena Graham says:

29/03/2020 – 22:09

How would you say this show not tell? The garden is beautiful. It was an exciting day. The cake was delicious.

↪️ Martin Cavannagh replied:

31/03/2020 – 14:43

The flowers were in full bloom, their blue and yellow petals bringing the garden to life. The boys could barely contain their excitement, clambering over each other for a peek out the window. Frosting dripped from Kate's lips as each layer of chocolate sponege seemed to melt on her tongue.

↪️ Jasbina Sekhon-Misir replied:

18/06/2020 – 22:45

what do you think makes a garden beautiful?If I asked you what about it was beautiful, what would you say?The peony's blossoms greeted us as we walked towards the wooden garden gate. The herbaceous scent washed over me and the petals looked like painted raw silk. I ran my finger tips over the different shades of pink and white. I never thought cottage gardens could be so lush. Lilacs beaconed me deeper in and I saw an ancient rose bush against the grey stone wall. Carefully tended it was an explosion of roses. There was no escape. I am not the best, but just clearly describe what you are seeing that makes it beautiful as a sense experience.

Britney Whatt says:

27/05/2020 – 12:42

I struggle to show a lot. For example, how could you show a enchanting castle that belongs to a Goddess? How do you also show that there's been a shift in the aura of the place? A place where the air was warm and friendly suddenly changed to be sinister and chilling. I just need a few phrases to show an enchanting world

18/06/2020 – 22:49

What do you think the castle is made of? The castle was an icicle of white marble, glass and clear quartz. Ghostly bleached wood veined its way through the architecture, pushing the slender building higher like finger pointing towards the heavens.I was scared by something so delicate being so large, so high. Everything about it seemed like an afront to what was natural... or even possible.

↪️ ella replied:

31/07/2020 – 03:56

The place, which Johna could sense used to be glorious, was now dimmed, it seemed, casting an aura of forgottenness and something more sinister...

01/08/2020 – 15:48

Modern writing tends to be so very bad that I simply can't read it any more. It is all the same ubiquitous dull style, yet the authors have often studied 'creative writing'. It's a huge problem for me. The overly simplistic shorter sentences and the banal conversations have replaced the controlled impeccable sentences and well placed and relatively rare conversation. Even ten years ago the writing was so much better. Today's themes are all the same as each other and books marketed on the basis that they resemble another author, with covers that make you think the same. Authors get published when they have nothing much to say and then do that very badly. It's very tedious. I used to hear that the novel was dead when I was at university and I disagreed. Now I couldn't agree more. Shut the lid on the coffin and bang in those nails some one. Save us from all those people who think they have a novel wanting to get out. Really? You probably don't.I wish people would not stop others from writing in ways that that are more natural to them, it kills off creativity. Look at the other comments here - they all want to write in the 'correct' way. Please people if you must write, then be innovative and be free to express yourselves the way you want. With regard to show and tell, the oft trotted out phrase that limits people rather than helps them; sometimes show and sometimes tell. No one person gets to tell writers what they should do, not even Chekhov. You do you. It certainly doesn't seem to have improved writing when everyone is obsessed with doing it.

↪️ Harrumphrey replied:

18/08/2020 – 19:44

Agreed 100%. How many of these self-professed writing gurus who know all the "correct rules" have ever written a single piece of fiction worth reading? Very few, I'd guess. I can only imagine what most of great literature would look if these over-zealous editors got their hands on it. "Show, don't tell" -- really? So narrative paraphrase and summary aren't viable techniques? Hmm, that red-inks just about everything written since the epic of Gilgamesh. Idiotic bad advice producing more bad writers who in turn produce more worthless books.

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21 “Show Don’t Tell” Examples: How to Turn Bland Writing Into a Colorful Story

by Henneke | 61 enchanting opinions, add yours? :)

T hese examples of “Show Don’t Tell” will inspire you to tell better stories by directing a mental movie in your readers’ minds.

This article includes:

Show, Don’t Tell

She purses her lips, and wonders, Why does the story feel flat? Why does it seem to drag on? Where has the drama gone? Is it too long?

Okay, she thinks. Time to cut down my story.

She removes a few sentences here, scraps a whole paragraph there, shortens another sentence. After crossing out words for over 20 minutes, she’s reduced her word count almost by half. Phew. With a sigh of relief, she treats herself to Jasmine tea with carrot cake.

But, hey, what happened to her story?

It seems even worse than before.

Sometimes stories are too short rather than too long

When a writer hasn’t painted vivid imagery , readers can’t picture what’s happening. That’s when a story feels flat. Devoid of drama. Dull.

To let readers experience your story , show rather than tell:

• Telling means giving a brief, factual statement.
• Showing means using sensory details and describing actions to direct a mental movie in your reader’s mind.

For instance:

Showing is: She yawned.

Telling is: She is hungry.

And the best way to learn the difference between showing and telling?

Firstly, study how authors use this technique in their writing. Start with the examples below. And secondly, practice.

Show, Don’t Tell Exercise

You can use the 18 examples below for practice:

• Review the “to tell” statements and consider how you can prove these statements (such as he’s nervous, she’s lonely ). How can you see or hear that someone is nervous or lonely? Which actions demonstrate it?
• Write down two or three actions or sensory details that show rather than tell.
• Compare your notes to the “to show” examples.

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show emotions

To demonstrate someone’s emotions, think about what somebody does when they feel angry, hungover, or happy.

How can you see their anger in their movements? What does an angry face look like? What are they muttering or screaming? What would they say when thinking aloud?

Example #1: He’s nervous about his job interview

In his book Behold the Dreamers , Imbolo Mbue shows Jende is nervous:

His throat went dry. His palms moistened. Unable to reach for his handkerchief in the packed downtown subway, he wiped both palms on his pants.

Can you hear the internal monologue droning on in Jende’s mind?

After the monologue comes a tactile description of his throat going dry and his palms moistening, and then you can picture Jende wiping his palms on his pants. Vivid?

Example #2: She was angry

From Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep :

Have you notice the strong verbs in this example? Verbs like to slam, to slop over, to swing, to spark and to glare inject power into the writing.

Example #3: Cheryl has started the Pacific Crest Trail but she fears she can’t do this

In her book Wild: A Journey from Lost to Found , Cheryl Strayed shows her fear as follows:

So then I tried to simply concentrate on what I heard—my feet thudding against the dry and rocky trail, the brittle leaves and branches of the low-lying bushes I passed clattering in the hot wind—but it could not be done.

Note how many sensory words are used in the above paragraph, like screaming, humming, panting, thudding, clattering, clamor, drowning out . As a reader, you can almost hear Cheryl’s fight with her fears.

Emotions like fear, nervousness, anger, and happiness remain abstract unless we show readers how such emotions manifest themselves in body language, dialogues, or actions.

Instead of telling readers you’re happy, can readers see you’re grinning from ear to ear?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show feelings

Emotions are expressed through physical reactions—we can see someone’s emotions in their body language.

Feelings can be expressed physically, too, but they can also be internal perceptions of our mental state. This can make it harder to show rather than tell.

To show feelings, consider someone’s inner thoughts and think about a person’s environment or activities that may accentuate or symbolize their feelings.

Example #4: Kate feels lonely, despite sharing a house with four other people

In her book The Lido , Libby Page demonstrates Kate’s loneliness as follows:

They are people that she has heard grunting in the heat of sex (thin walls) and whose pubic hairs she has untangled from the shower plug, but she doesn’t know where they all came from before arriving here in this house, or what their favourite films are. She doesn’t really know them at all. And they certainly don’t know her. But what is there to know really?

Can you feel Kate’s loneliness, symbolized by the lack of interaction?

Example #5: She feels trapped in her hometown

In The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, one of the protagonists explains why she feels trapped by her hometown’s smallness:

The initials on the bottom of school desks—carved by 3 generations of one family—symbolize the feeling of being trapped in the eternal monotony of small-town life. When will things ever change?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: How to show a person’s passion

You know I’m passionate about writing, don’t you?

But have I ever told you that?

Nope, I show my passion by sharing my best writing tips and tricks so you can tell better stories and share your ideas with gusto.

What are you passionate about? And which actions can prove your passion?

Get inspired by the 6 examples below …

Example #6: Frank, a music shop owner, is passionate about sharing music with people, even strangers

In her book The Music Shop , Rachel Joyce demonstrates Frank’s passion as follows:

‘What was it this time?’

‘Genesis. Invisible Touch.’

‘What did you do, Frank?’

(…) Frank had done the sort of thing he always did. He’d grabbed his old suede jacket and loped after the young man until he caught him at the bus stop. (What kind of thief waited for the number 11?)

He’d said, between deep breaths, that he would call the police unless the lad came back and tried something new in the listening booth. He could keep the Genesis record if he wanted the thing so much, though it broke Frank’s heart that he was nicking the wrong one – their early stuff was tons better.

He could have the album for nothing, and even the sleeve; ‘so long as you try “Fingal’s Cave”. If you like Genesis, trust me. You’ll love Mendelssohn.’

Isn’t it amazing how such a short story can characterize one person? It feels like you know Frank a little already.

Example #7: Young Araki loves dictionaries

In her book The Great Passage , Shion Miura describes Araki’s love for dictionaries as follows:

Little by little he collected a variety of dictionaries from different publishers and compared them. Some were tattered and worn. Others had annotations and underlining in red. Old dictionaries bore signs of the linguistic struggles of compiler and user alike.

Can you picture the dictionaries in Araki’s room?

Example #8: Sportcoat is a nature-lover

In his book Deacon King Kong , James McBride describes the protagonist as a nature-lover:

I like how this paragraph expresses that enjoyment of nature is not a passive state but an active act—of summoning an animal into action and of coaxing plants grow and seeds to sprout.

Example #9: Robin Wall Kimmerer loves plants

While the ways to tell something are relatively limited, myriad ways exist to show something.

For instance, here’s how Robin Wall Kimmerer describes she’s a born botanist in her book Braiding Sweetgrass :

(…) how could I tell him that I was born a botanist, that I had shoeboxes of seeds and piles of pressed leaves under my bed, that I’d stop my bike along the road to identify a new species, that plants colored my dreams, that the plants had chosen me?

I love how those last words describe that botany is her calling: “The plants had chosen me.”

Example #10: Lars is passionate about good food

In his book Kitchens of the Great Midwest , J. Ryan Stradal demonstrates a passion for food as follows:

Week One NO TEETH, SO:

1. Homemade guacamole. 2. Puréed prunes (do infants like prunes?) 3. Puréed carrots (Sugarsnax 54, ideally, but more likely Autumn King). 4. Puréed beets (Lutz green leaf). 5. Homemade Honeycrisp applesauce (get apples from Dennis Wu). 6. Hummus (from canned chickpeas? Maybe wait for week 2.) 7. Olive tapenade (maybe with puréed Cerignola olives? Ask Sherry Dubcek about the best kind of olives for a newborn.) 8. What for protein and iron?

Can you picture Lars writing down the menu, while licking his lips?

And, thinking about your own passions, which actions describe them best?

Example #11: Chris doesn’t like going to the gym

Of course, just like you show what a person loves doing, you can also show their dislikes.

In his book The Man Who Died Twice , Richard Osman shows that Chris doesn’t like going to the gym:

Of all the machines at the gym, the bike suits him best. For a start you’re sitting down, and you can look at your phone while you’re using it. You can take things at your own pace – sedate in Chris’s case – but you can also speed up to look more impressive any time a muscled man in a singlet or a muscled woman in Lycra walks by.

And Chris comments on the exercise bike:

The heart-rate monitor was terrifying; Chris had seen numbers that surely couldn’t be right. The calorie counter was worst of all. Six miles of cycling to burn off a hundred calories? Six miles? For half a Twix? It didn’t bear thinking about.

Isn’t it amazing how just a few sentences give such a good impression of someone’s dislike of exercise?

Show Don’t Tell Examples: Turn weak action into a movie-like description

Don’t be fooled into thinking that action is always telling rather than showing.

Some action is so vague a reader can’t really imagine what’s happening.

As a writer it’s your task to help readers experience your story. So, give them enough vivid details to let a movie play in their mind.

Here’s how …

Example #12: Moody shows Pearl the town

In her book Little Fires Everywhere , by Celeste Ng paints a vivid image of the town tour:

At Horseshoe Lake, they climbed trees like children, throwing stale chunks of bread to the ducks bobbing below.

In Yours Truly, the local diner, they sat in a high-backed wooden booth and ate fries smothered in cheese and bacon and fed quarters into the jukebox to play “Great Balls of Fire” and “Hey Jude.”

Much more vivid than an abstract tour of the town, right?

Example #13: Jack Reacher fires his Barrett

In the thriller Die Trying , Lee Child slows down the action to heighten the drama:

That bubble of gas hurled the bullet down the barrel and forced ahead of it and around it to explode out into the atmosphere. Most of it was smashed sideways by the muzzle brake in a perfectly balanced radial pattern, like a donut, so that the recoil moved the barrel straight back against Reacher’s shoulder without deflecting it either sideways or up or down.

Meanwhile, behind it, the bullet was starting to spin inside the barrel as the rifling grooves grabbed at it.

Then the gas ahead of the bullet was heating the oxygen in the air to the point where the air caught fire. There was a brief flash of flame and the bullet burst out through the exact center of it, spearing through the burned air at nineteen hundred miles an hour.

A thousandth of a second later, it was a yard away, followed by a cone of gunpowder particles and a puff of soot. Another thousandth of a second later, it was six feet away, and its sound was bravely chasing after it, three times slower.

That’s 225 words to describe less than one-hundredth of a second.

Lee Child is a master in pacing his stories . He keeps us reading for pages and pages before he at last reveals whether the bullet hits someone or not.

Remember, slow down the action to heighten the drama.

Example #14: Harold and his brother Raymond didn’t know what to say to Maggie

Even when nothing seems to happen, you can still paint a vivid picture as Kent Haruf does in Plainsong :

Can you imagine how you’d film this scene?

“Show don’t tell” works for objects and environments, too

A landscape is not a still life painting; you can detect subtle movements such as grass waving or with powerful activities like trees creaking in a storm.

Example #15: The ice surface is a chaos of crushing movement

In his book Endurance , Alfred Lansing describes the astonishing story of Ernest Shackleton’s expedition to cross Antarctica.

Here’s when their ship finds herself in a dangerous situation:

Can you picture the scene? Does it make you feel scared, too?

Example #16: The ship is crushed by the ice

Here’s how Lansing describes what happens to the ship:

Lansing describes the ship as if she is a person screaming, dying, and crying out in agony . This is called personification , and it adds an extra dimension to the principle of showing.

Showing places readers directly into a scene, so they can experience what’s happening to a story’s character, even if that character is a ship.

Example #17: The porch was cluttered

Describing a room, a porch, or a garden can show us a lot about the person living there, too.

This is from Anne Tyler’s Redhead by the Side of the Road :

Micah had to swerve around a skateboard and a sippy cup on his way up the front steps, and the porch was strewn not only with the standard strollers and tricycles but also with a pair of snow boots from last winter, a paper bag full of coat hangers, and what appeared to be somebody’s breakfast plate bearing a wrung-out half of a grapefruit.

Reading that description is like watching a movie, right?

Example #18: Everything is in the right place

And here’s an opposite description of a neat person, also from Anne Tyler’s Redhead by the Side of the Road :

His sock drawer looked like a box of bonbons, each pair rolled and standing on end according to his instructions. Newspaper read in the proper sequence, first section first and second section next, folded back knife-sharp when he was done. Lord forbid someone should fiddle with the paper before him! He was a sign painter by profession, and all of his paints and his India inks were lined up by color in alphabetical order. The Bs I remember especially, because there were so many of them. Beige, black, blue, brown …

The 3 examples of neatness in the paragraph above sketch a persuasive image of how neat this person is. I love the simile at the start: “His sock drawer looked like a box of bonbons.”

How to show AND tell

The general advice is that we must show and not tell.

But that’s not always true.

Sometimes, it’s quicker to tell. So, you tell instead of showing to keep the pace of the story.

At other times you may want to both tell and show, so readers are clear how to interpret your story.

Example #19: It was hot

Saeed Jones opens the first chapter of his memoir How We Fight for Our Lives with these sentences:

The waxy-faced weatherman on Channel 8 said we had been above 90 degrees for ten days in a row. Day after day of my T-shirt sticking to the sweat on my lower back, the smell of insect repellant gone slick with sunscreen, the air droning with the hum of cicadas, dead yellow grass cracking under every footstep, asphalt bubbling on the roads.

In the first sentence above, Jones tells us (via the weatherman) that it has been hot for 10 days in a row. Next, he shows that it was hot with sensory details: The sweaty, sticky T-shirt, the smell of insect repellant and sunscreen, the hum of the cicadas, and the dead yellow grass.

Example #20: A mother’s love

Here’s an example of Tell AND Show from Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner:

I remember these things clearly because that was how my mother loved you, not through white lies and constant verbal affirmation, but in subtle observations of what brought you joy, pocketed away to make you feel comforted and cared for without even realizing it. She remembered if you liked your stews with extra broth, if you were sensitive to spice, if you hated tomatoes, if you didn’t eat seafood, if you had a large appetite. She remembered which banchan side dish you emptied first so the next time you were over it’d be set with a heaping double portion, served alongside the various other preferences that made you, you.

Zauner first tells, suggesting that her mother showed her love by paying attention and making you feel comforted and cared for. Then she shows with the examples how her mother did that by paying attention to what you liked, and giving a bigger portion the next time.

Example #21: A miserable walk in the rain

And here’s an example from The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May:

What I hadn’t considered, though, was just how miserable the combination of walking fifteen boring miles and battling through oncoming rain would be. You can see absolutely nothing, because your head is angled relentlessly down. Your glasses steam up, but there’s no point in wiping them. Your neck begins to ache. Progress is surprisingly slow.

The first sentence above tells us that it’s miserable to walk in the rain. The next sentences show why that’s the case: That you can see absolutely nothing , that your glasses steam up , that your neck aches , and that progress is slow .

In just a few sentences, May first tells us and then shows us why walking in the rain makes her miserable.

When to show and when to tell

Telling is brief and factual.

Showing, in contrast, uses more words to direct a mental movie in your readers’ minds.

• Add sensory details to make the story more vivid—this is how you allow readers to experience your story.
• Slow down to describe action in more detail—this is how you increase the drama in your writing.

When you show rather than tell, your reader becomes an active participant in your story.

So, race through the less important parts of your story.

And dramatize the key parts, with detailed and vivid descriptions.

Now, imagine your favorite reader …

She’s sitting at her desk, sipping a cup of coffee.

She switches on her laptop, wipes the sleep from her right eye, and briefly massages her temples. Then she opens your email and clicks to read your blog post.

A lightbulb goes off in her mind and she whizzes off a quick email to thank you. She’s excited to implement your advice.

Sound good?

Happy storytelling.

Recommended reading on show, don’t tell:

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Reader Interactions

Leave a comment and join the conversation cancel reply.

December 27, 2022 at 8:19 pm

I want to write about my son who died in the hospital from various complications. How do I start writing? I will be changing the immediate family names.

December 28, 2022 at 3:25 pm

I’m so sorry about your loss, Beverly, and how courageous to want to share your story!

A story starts with the inciting incident—the incident that gets the story going, where the reader gets the first impression of the problem that’s coming up. In the case of your son’s story, that’s probably when he fell ill or when he was admitted to hospital. Any backstory you want to share (details of what happened before), you can share later on in the story.

July 18, 2022 at 9:30 am

A big thank you! I do know the difference between ”showing” and ”telling” but it’s clearer with your examples.

You know what? Every morning, before I go to work, I read one of your blog post (since 4-5 months). And in the same time, I improve my English! You are my mentor.

My goal is to read all of your blog posts. I take my time : a small bite, snackable ;), of reading. You are a great help for my writing.

July 18, 2022 at 3:14 pm

That’s such lovely feedback. Thank you so much, Alexandra. Happy writing!

August 12, 2020 at 8:50 pm

As always, your blogs/articles are a great resource for actionable steps towards better writing. Question: Do you have any other recommendations for books or exercises that will help improve descriptive writing?

August 13, 2020 at 1:00 pm

My favorite is the book “Made to Stick” by Chip and Dan Heath.

August 17, 2021 at 1:25 pm

I just finished reading it. It’s terrific. Thanks for recommending it.

August 17, 2021 at 3:29 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed it, Wally!

June 3, 2020 at 3:40 pm

Thank you for your interesting and useful post. I read it with my 5th and 6th-grade students. They are writing Realistic fiction stories about making ends meet after having studied world minimum wages and budgeting.

June 3, 2020 at 3:56 pm

Since the students did a lot of planning beforehand and had a whole biography and back story created in their plans for their characters we have been having to go through and take planning language out (eg. “This story is about Sally a 21-year-old girl from Denmark, who works at McDonald’s, and wants to be a pop star.” => “Sally ran through the lyrics to her garage band’s newest song as she flipped burgers and waited for her shift to be over. From work, she’d ride her bike to rehearsal and the lyrics would still be shifting around in her head. She was still working on them. She wanted them to be perfect for their first Copenhagen coffee house show, and they just weren’t quite there yet.”).

June 3, 2020 at 6:20 pm

Thank you for sharing this post with your students, and for sharing your example. I like it! I wish I had had a teacher like you. 🙂

April 4, 2020 at 8:34 am

It’s so much easier to tell, but so much better to show. Sometimes the perfect words are difficult to prise from my mind. I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago and a perfect example of what it’s all about grabbed my attention. The item was about a couple of women holidaying in Peru. One of the women was relating an experience from their time there. They had been out for the day. They were both hot and tired. The one was relating the experience arrived back at their lodgings first. She described how she flopped onto her bed, picked up her travel guide and began flicking the pages. Wondering what adventures they would be getting up to tomorrow. At that moment, from the corner of her eye she spotted the bedside table moving, and she watched the table move all the way across the floor by itself until it reached the other side of the room. She said she wondered if there were ghosts in the room. That was when her friend darted into the room screaming at her to get up and out because there was an earthquake.

April 4, 2020 at 9:38 am

Great story!

I agree with you that telling is much easier. Showing takes a lot more effort but it’s well worth it!

March 31, 2020 at 2:52 pm

This is an evergreen exercise that is so helpful and powerful. Thank you.

April 1, 2020 at 1:01 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed this, Andrea. Happy writing!

January 3, 2020 at 9:31 am

I had to stop for a long time in this article. I read it over and over again about what I wrote on my blog. You have enlightened my mind. Thanks so much

January 3, 2020 at 10:15 am

I’m glad you found this one useful, Jacky. Happy writing! And thank you for stopping by.

September 30, 2019 at 5:52 pm

Thank you.Your words spark my imaginary mind. Regards, Lubosi jr

September 30, 2019 at 6:30 pm

That’s great! Thank you for letting me know 🙂

August 22, 2019 at 8:52 am

Wow! was absorbed in the scenes portrayed…

August 22, 2019 at 1:00 pm

I love these scenes, too 🙂

July 24, 2019 at 2:21 pm

It’s a pleasure to see a quote from my compatriot, Anton Chekhov, illustrated by Henneke 😉

July 24, 2019 at 7:36 pm

It’s such a beautiful quote. One of my faves 🙂

July 18, 2019 at 6:27 am

Well !!! I am not so fond of reading fiction but when I read this article trust me it is making me curious to go for fiction and read more and more. You put words together in such a fashion that it connects with me and blends my mind into your story mode. Great Work !!!

July 19, 2019 at 10:40 am

Happy reading, Rahul! I’ve been reading a lot more fiction in recent years, and really enjoy. I’m also pretty sure it helps make me a better writer 🙂

July 17, 2019 at 9:10 pm

Henneke, you are a master of the show and not tell technique. You had me gripped right to the end of the post. The amazing part is that you educate so skillfully and inspire so effortlessly. Are you planning on doing any fiction in the future if you have not already done so? I’m sure it will be a masterpiece.

July 19, 2019 at 10:39 am

Maybe one day, I’ll try some fiction, and it’ll be thanks to you and others who encourage me to try. I appreciate your lovely comment, Poovanesh.

July 8, 2019 at 12:35 am

Your writing always leaves me with a warm and fuzzy feeling that inspires me to get cracking on that half-finished draft again. Thank you. Also: “jasmine tea with carrot cake” – glad to know I’m not the only jasmine tea addict around here!

July 8, 2019 at 4:28 pm

I’m glad you feel inspired to get cracking on your draft again, Manasa! Happy writing 🙂

July 4, 2019 at 4:08 am

The world is so lucky to have such a passionate, creative force like you – so willing and caring to share and inspire us minions. Thank you for sharing your joy and expertise!

July 4, 2019 at 7:27 pm

What a lovely comment. Thank you so much, Lori. Happy storytelling!

July 3, 2019 at 9:11 am

I love the way you have laid out this article. i’m glad you pointed out showing and telling as I am guilty of elaborating on telling when it should be to the point. I need to work more on my showing skills.

Thanks a bunch

July 3, 2019 at 6:40 pm

I’m glad you liked it. Happy writing, Macky!

June 26, 2019 at 6:41 pm

Thank you for this! Just the reminder I needed – show, don’t tell, and go for the kind of writing, both fiction and non-fiction, that allows me to do that.

LOVE the illustration! So glad you chose to keep doing them – they add just the most wondrous touch to your wondrous words.

June 26, 2019 at 9:09 pm

The illustration was inspired by the Chekhov quote. Thank you for your compliment, Birdy. I’m also happy to know you found this blog post useful.

Happy storytelling!

June 26, 2019 at 10:03 am

I’m often guilty of making things too plain and to the point … sometimes the stories feel like extra padding to me, when in fact they are where the real learning happens – because they are what people remember.

I need to remember THAT ?

I love the way you show through examples, as well as your own excellent writing.

Thank you, Henneke!

June 26, 2019 at 9:08 pm

Yes, that’s so true that the stories are what people remember. I also find those stories, especially when they’re personal, make connections between writer and reader so much stronger.

I also felt inspired when I put all these examples together.

Happy storytelling, Alison. And thank you, as always, for stopping by! 🙂

June 26, 2019 at 8:15 am

You never disappoint me with showing when I most need you dearest Henneke. I tried to understand how to express it descriptively, but that was sort of not quite right. The different ways of showing you have in this blog will be my guide for the next month. Still ending up telling more than showing, I couldn’t possibly imagine as I sit in front of the laptop chewing on my fingernails.

June 26, 2019 at 9:09 am

I’m reading your comment while sipping my green tea, and my brain hasn’t quite kicked into gear. Your comment put a smile on my face. Thank you so much, Annamarie.

June 25, 2019 at 8:12 pm

As usual, Henneke, your blog today is magical. I took three pages of a novel I’ve just completed and scanned through them. It took only two, maybe three paragraphs to reveal I’ve done a peck of tellin’ and damn little showin’. Heck, what’s another edit…Thank you.

June 25, 2019 at 8:40 pm

I’ve found that “showing” can sometimes feel like a hard job, but also very rewarding. Happy editing, Patricia. I’m glad this blog was useful to you.

June 25, 2019 at 6:33 pm

I always love your posts, but this one is exactly what I needed. It had my story exploding through my mind: is this right, can I change this, should I do this instead? Thank you.

June 25, 2019 at 7:26 pm

Your comment puts a smile on my face, Danae. Thank you. Happy storytelling!

June 25, 2019 at 5:35 pm

Ooh! Your posts always make me want to read more fiction! So busy writing, I forget the joy of reading sometimes.

I love reading fiction! And I’d happily recommend any of the books I quoted here 🙂

June 25, 2019 at 4:38 pm

Great post, Henneke! So many gems here on how and when to use showing and telling. Another fun variation … slipping in “telling” while something unusual is happening — such as two characters discussing something while watching dragons mating. ?I think Blake Snyder referred to it as the ‘pope in the pool’. I’m sure you can come up with a business writing application! LOL!

June 25, 2019 at 7:24 pm

That sounds like quite a challenge! I’m not sure what we do in business writing with boring back stories. I think we either skip it or perhaps a short list of bullet points that are easy to scan?

I like your variation of the pope in the pool ?

June 25, 2019 at 4:32 pm

Henneke, your joy for writing, and for reading is contagious! Thank you for your inspiring writing tips and helpful articles.

June 25, 2019 at 7:21 pm

What a lovely comment. Thank you, Susan, and happy writing!

June 25, 2019 at 3:20 pm

This one is a keeper! Keep stroking that keyboard with more good stuff like this! Do you provide PDF versions?

June 25, 2019 at 7:20 pm

Thank you, Margie. I’m not providing PDF versions at the moment as I try to focus on writing. It’s a big enough task already!

June 25, 2019 at 2:05 pm

I love writing, and “showing” is the part I love the most. People seldom listen to stories told with a lot of showing (a lot of words) because they are always too eager to talk, to listen. But readers seem to get it that they cannot write while they are reading. Haha! Or maybe it is the sure knowledge that they can put the book down if it gets to be too much? Anyway, writing that shows is fun. I once wrote about a scuffle between two men in an office, that degraded to rolling around under the desk, fighting for life. The dust on the floor under the desk even came into play, plus the thudding of their shoes against the wooden floor. Such fun. Another fun thing to show is how a child sees things. That point of view can say so much about a scene in such an engaging way, because it draws the reader in to try and interpret what is going on, with the innocent child clues.

June 25, 2019 at 2:29 pm

The “showing” part of writing is what I love most, too. And I enjoyed gathering all the examples for this post here—they inspired me, too.

I like your idea of showing from a child’s point of view. It can also be a great way to add a splash of humor.

Thank you, as always, for stopping by!

June 25, 2019 at 1:55 pm

Yes, your best yet, Henneke! A keeper. I’m a long-time fan and use some of your “show, don’t tell” style in my nonfiction magazine articles or they would be dull-as-dishwater boring and who would finish reading them, including editors? Without some human emotion in the mix, reading blocks of nonfiction is like slogging through cold oatmeal.

June 25, 2019 at 2:00 pm

Brrrr. Cold oatmeal. That’s no fun.

June 25, 2019 at 1:54 pm

The worst thing is when the telling is not short and factual but long and boring, as well ?

June 25, 2019 at 1:59 pm

Oh my, sigh, yes.

June 25, 2019 at 1:38 pm

I put my coffee cup down and sighed in resignation, a bit sorrier than usual to see this one come to an end.

June 25, 2019 at 1:39 pm

And I was afraid it was too long!

Thank you, Catherine 🙂

June 25, 2019 at 12:26 pm

Henneke, you did it again. Made me read to the last word. You know, this is not a blog post. It’s a mini-course. I could actually feel my heartbeat thrumming with excitement as I read on….and exclaimed an inevitable ‘yessssss’ at the end. I’m gonna save this post and re-read it many times.

June 25, 2019 at 12:47 pm

I could picture you reading this post. Fab 🙂

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Show Don't Tell: Showing vs Telling in Writing (With Examples)

By Hannah Yang

“Show, don’t tell” is a piece of writing advice that almost every writer has heard before.

So, what exactly does this phrase mean, and do you really need to follow it?

The short answer is that “showing” paints a picture in the reader’s mind, while “telling” simply states what happened.

This article will explain the difference between showing and telling and demonstrate how to use this technique in your own writing.

Quick Definition and Meaning of “Show, Don’t Tell”

What are the benefits of show vs tell in writing, examples of showing vs telling in writing, examples of “show, don’t tell” in popular novels, how to show not tell in writing: four expert tips, is telling ever acceptable, conclusion on “show, don’t tell” in writing.

“Show, don’t tell” is a creative writing technique that allows the reader to experience the story through actions, senses, and other vivid details.

In other words, the phrase “show, don’t tell” reminds writers to immerse the reader in the story rather than simply telling readers what’s happening.

What’s the Difference Between Showing vs Telling?

Russian novelist Anton Chekhov has a famous quote: “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”

If you “tell” someone about an event, they’ll simply know the facts about what happened. Other words for “telling” include exposition and narrative summary.

On the other hand, if you “show” someone an event through specific details, they’ll feel like they experienced that event alongside the fictional characters who lived it.

Consider the following examples:

• Telling : When Mary failed her test, she was embarrassed.
• Showing : When Mary saw the big red F on her work, her cheeks flushed. She crumpled the test and hid it in her desk, hoping no one noticed.

Both examples communicate the same point: that Mary felt bad about her test score. However, they communicate this fact in two different ways.

In the first example, the author simply tells the reader that Mary is embarrassed.

In the second example, the author still shares that Mary is embarrassed, but does so by showing details (her flushed cheeks) and actions (hiding the test in her desk), creating a more engaging and vivid experience for the reader.

“Show, don’t tell” is one of the most important writing tips for new writers. Here are some of the core benefits of following this rule, whether you’re writing essays, short stories, or poetry.

Benefit 1: Engross Readers

Showing allows you to create a vivid picture in your reader’s mind that will engross them in your writing.

There’s a big difference between hearing a friend tell you about their breakup and watching a movie about someone going through a breakup. That’s because one is “told” to you, while the other is “shown” to you.

If you can “show” the reader what you want to say through dramatic scenes and excellent writing, they’ll be much less likely to lose interest.

Benefit 2: Leave Room for Interpretation

When you tell your readers everything your characters are thinking and feeling, you take away any nuance in their interpretation of your work. Showing, on the other hand, allows your readers to draw their own conclusions about your characters.

Showing lets your readers form a deeper relationship with your text. By forming their own opinions as they interpret the clues you’ve left them, your readers will be more invested in your work.

Benefit 3: Convey Deeper Meaning

“Show, don’t tell” will increase your word count, but it also greatly increases the density of meaning in your story.

For example, if you “tell” the reader about a character’s emotion, the reader might not be able to picture exactly what that means for the character. But if you show what that emotion looks like through body language and dialogue, you can develop characters more deeply.

The best way to understand the difference between “show, don’t tell” is to see examples of both.

Let’s start with an example of how to “show” vs “tell” a character trait:

• Telling : My mom is overprotective.
• Showing : My mom never lets me visit a friend’s house until she’s spoken to their parents first. One time, when she forgot that I was going on a trip with the math team after school, she got so worried, she almost called the police.

Both these examples convey the fact that the narrator’s mother is overprotective, but the second example shows us examples of specific overprotective things the mother has done.

This way, we can draw our own conclusions about the mother’s overprotectiveness, and we can understand this character trait on a deeper level.

Now, here’s an example of how to “show” vs “tell” a character relationship:

• Telling : John is devoted to his wife.
• Showing : John always picks his wife up at the airport with a bouquet of fresh flowers. Last week, when all the highways were closed for construction, he got up at four in the morning and drove for two and a half hours through back-country roads to get to the airport on time.

Here, the second example is stronger because it gives us a tangible view of what John’s devotion looks like.

It’s hard to picture the word “devotion” as a concept—after all, ten different people might be devoted to their spouses in ten different ways.

However, if we can see the actions John takes that demonstrate his devotion, we have a much better understanding of John’s specific relationship with his wife.

Finally, here’s an example of how to “show” vs “tell” a setting description:

• Telling : The forest is scary.
• Showing : The forest is full of staring eyes. The branches look like gnarled hands, reaching out to grab me. Leaves crunch under my feet as I try to find my way home. The air smells like mildew and decay.

Here, the second example is stronger because it immerses the reader in the setting rather than simply telling the reader about it.

It also uses multiple sensory descriptions to help us experience the setting. We can picture the image of the gnarled branches, the sound of the crunching leaves, and the smell of decay.

Let’s look at some examples of the “show, don’t tell“ rule in popular literature.

Example 1: The Two Towers by J. R. R. Tolkien

“The gasping pools were choked with ash and crawling muds, sickly white and grey, as if the mountains had vomited the filth of their entrails upon the lands about. High mounds of crushed and powdered rock, great cones of earth fire-blasted and poison-stained, stood like an obscene graveyard in endless rows, slowly revealed in the reluctant light.”

In this passage, J. R. R. Tolkien paints a vivid picture of Mordor’s terrors.

If he had just said, “Mordor was frightening,” the reader wouldn’t have such a visceral understanding of Mordor as a place. By showing rather than telling, Tolkien gives us a specific sense of the danger that awaits the heroes as they venture into this place of doom.

Example 2: Wild by Cheryl Strayed

“Within forty minutes, the voice inside my head was screaming, "What have I gotten myself into?" I tried to ignore it, to hum as I hiked, though humming proved too difficult to do while also panting and moaning in agony and trying to remain hunched in that remotely upright position while also propelling myself forward when I felt like a building with legs.”

In this passage, by describing her physical and mental anguish in detail, Cheryl Strayed helps the reader understand the depth of the pain and overwhelm she felt during her first few steps on the Pacific Crest Trail.

If she had just said, “I was challenged by the trail,” the reader wouldn’t have as clear an idea of her struggle. The description here draws us into Strayed’s journey and brings us along with her.

Example 3: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

“The desserts are always astonishing. Confections deliriously executed in chocolate and butterscotch, berries bursting with creams and liqueurs. Figs that drip with honey, sugar blown into curls and flowers. Often diners remark that they are too pretty, too impressive to eat, but they always find a way to manage.”

“The desserts are always astonishing” is a sentence that tells rather than shows. Morgenstern could simply have ended the paragraph there.

Instead, she chose to tell and then show, which presents the reader with a “telling” statement before providing sensory details that bring that statement to life. As a result, the paragraph becomes much more immersive and delightful.

Example 4: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

“The audience held themselves quiet, tense, and tight, as if the song had burned them worse than flame. Each person held their wounded selves closely, clutching their pain as if it were a precious thing. Then there was a murmur of sobs released and sobs escaping. A sigh of tears. A whisper of bodies slowly becoming no longer still. Then the applause. A roar like leaping flame, like thunder after lightning.”

This passage describes an important moment for the protagonist, when he plays his lute for a crowd after having gone without performing in public.

Rothfuss could have “told” this paragraph by writing, “The audience was impressed with the performance.” Instead, he described every moment of the audience’s reaction, so we could feel the impact of this moment.

Example 5: The Story of a New Name by Elena Ferrante

“But the condition of wife had enclosed her in a sort of glass container, like a sailboat sailing with sails unfurled in an inaccessible place, without the sea. Pasquale, Enzo, Antonio himself would never have ventured onto the unshaded white streets of the newly built houses, to her doorway, to her apartment, to talk a little or invite her to take a walk. And even the telephone, a black object attached to the kitchen wall, seemed a useless ornament.”

In this passage, Ferrante describes how lonely a young wife feels in her new marriage.

Instead of using the word “lonely,” she compares the young wife to a sailboat without the sea and shows us that she can no longer spend time with her friends. These details make it a much more powerful passage, and we understand the character’s feelings with more depth and nuance.

If you’re used to “telling” stories, it can be challenging to figure out how to “show” instead. Here are some strategies you can use to practice “show, don’t tell”:

1. Try the “Camera Test”

The camera test is a great way to see if you’re showing the important parts of your story.

Ask yourself, “Can a camera see this?” If the answer is “no,” then you have some work to do.

Consider the following example:

• Tell-land is a peaceful kingdom with happy, prosperous citizens. The king is beloved by his people, and both rich and poor live in harmony.

Can a camera see what Tell-land looks like? Not really.

The camera would need much more information: is the kingdom by the sea? In the mountains? Are the streets paved with cobblestones? Bricks? What does living in harmony mean? What does it look like?

Without a clear description, the camera—and your reader—will be left to fill in the gaps themselves.

If an area of your document needs more “showing,” ask yourself if it’s camera ready. If it’s not, add in details that the camera could pick up. For example:

• Show-land was a small kingdom full of green pastures and red-bricked rooftops. Every morning, the king walked through the streets in his morning slippers to say hello to his citizens, who offered him more pastries and coffee than he could possibly consume.

To take your story to the next level, imagine a camera that can capture not only images but also sounds, tastes, textures, and even smells. Try the camera test with different kinds of sensory details to make sure you’re showing the story effectively.

2. Implement More Dialogue

Dialogue is one of the easiest ways to put more “showing” in your writing.

After all, dialogue is itself a “show.”

Think about it: your characters will rarely say short, declarative sentences like, “I am mad! I am sad! I am frustrated!” Instead, their words will reflect their feelings and add more color to their descriptions.

Try to “show” things to the reader through the way your characters talk. Do they stutter when they’re nervous? Use longer words when they’re trying to show off? Talk way too much—or way too little—when they’re lying or holding something back?

3. Focus on Actions

Say you have a character who is a liar. Rather than telling your readers that said character is a liar, think of how you can demonstrate that through actions and body language.

Or, if one of your characters has remarkable prowess in battle, consider how that could be shown on the page. Think about what’s more engaging for your reader: to read “Sir Henry was a great knight” or to walk through paragraphs of description of Sir Henry’s legendary exploits.

One useful exercise is to practice conveying a specific emotion without ever naming that emotion on the page.

For example, how would you show readers that your protagonist feels guilty without using the word “guilt”? Maybe she buys a gift for the person she thinks she wronged, or maybe she’s unable to fall asleep at night because she can’t stop replaying a moment in her head.

4. Tell First, Then Show

Sometimes, the “show” descriptions just won’t come.

That’s okay! During your first draft, focus on getting the “tells” down. That will help you sort out the action beats and character reactions through your scene.

Then, when you start revising, revisit those “tell” scenes to add descriptions. Remember the camera test: ask yourself what the camera would need to pick up on to make your scene shine.

As with a lot of writing advice, “show, don’t tell” is a suggestion, not a rule. There are some instances when telling may make more sense than showing.

The trick is to know when to show and when to tell.

A good golden rule is to use “show, don’t tell” when you want to increase reader engagement and make readers feel more connected to your characters, and use “tell, don’t show” when you’re describing something unimportant or your pacing feels too slow.

Here are three examples of situations when “telling” might work better than “showing”:

Situation 1: Transition Scenes

Say, for instance, your character is traveling from one place to another. If nothing eventful or important happens on the trip, you don’t need to spend paragraphs describing every detail of the journey. It’s okay to simply get your character from point A to point B.

Similarly, if time is passing in your book and nothing important happens during that time, you don’t have to show all that time passing. You can simply tell the reader, “A month later…” and move on from there.

Situation 2: Mundane Scenes

Let’s say your character is getting dressed in the morning. Nobody wants to read in excruciating detail about someone looking for socks and buttoning a shirt. It’s perfectly fine to say, “She got dressed.”

Situation 3: Repeated Scenes

You only need so many scenes where you’re “showing” versions of the same moment.

For example, let’s say you want your main character to win a chess tournament, where she has to play six different rounds before the grand finale.

You don’t need to “show” six scenes of your character winning chess games, because your reader will be yawning by the time the important scene comes around!

Instead, simply tell the reader that the character won most of those games, and save the dramatization for the grand finale.

There you have it—a complete guide to the writing rule “show, don’t tell.” Here’s a quick recap:

• “Show, don’t tell” means you should immerse readers in the story rather than merely stating the story to them
• “Showing” is important because it immerses the reader, creates nuance, and conveys deeper meaning
• It’s also important to recognize the situations when “tell, don’t show” is more appropriate

Ultimately, both “showing” and “telling” are important writing skills, and you’ll need to use your best judgment to find the right balance between the two in order to create a great story.

Be confident about grammar

Check every email, essay, or story for grammar mistakes. Fix them before you press send.

Hannah Yang

Hannah Yang is a speculative fiction writer who writes about all things strange and surreal. Her work has appeared in Analog Science Fiction, Apex Magazine, The Dark, and elsewhere, and two of her stories have been finalists for the Locus Award. Her favorite hobbies include watercolor painting, playing guitar, and rock climbing. You can follow her work on hannahyang.com, or subscribe to her newsletter for publication updates.

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Show, Don’t Tell: What You Need to Know

You’ve heard this writing advice a thousand times, and you’ll hear it a thousand times more:

Show, don’t tell.

But what does it mean?

If you struggle with the difference between showing and telling, you’re not alone. Once you’ve got it, it seems simple. But until you do, learning this technique can be as frustrating as anything in the writing world.

Is it really that important? You bet it is. If you want your writing noticed by an agent or a publisher , it’s vital you master the art of showing.

So let’s see if I can solidify the concept in your mind right here, right now.

I want to supercharge your showing vs. telling radar—and make it simple.

• The Difference Between Showing and Telling

When you tell rather than show, you inform your reader of information rather than allowing him to deduce anything.

You’re supplying information by simply stating it. You might report that a character is “tall,” or “angry,” or “cold,” or “tired.”

That’s telling .

Showing paints a picture the reader can see in her mind’s eye.

Here’s how to show and not tell :

If your character is tall, your reader can deduce that because you mention others looking up when they talk with him.

Or he has to duck to get through a door. Or when posing for a photo, he has to bend his knees to keep his head in proximity with others.

Rather than telling that your character is angry, show it by describing his face flushing, his throat tightening, his voice rising, his slamming a fist on the table. When you show, you don’t have to tell .

Cold? Do not tell me; show me. Your character pulls her collar up, tightens her scarf, shoves her hands deep into her pockets, turns her face away from the biting wind.

Tired? He can yawn, groan, stretch. His eyes can look puffy. His shoulders could slump. Another character might say, “Didn’t you sleep last night? You look shot.”

When you show rather than tell , you make the reader part of the experience. Rather than having everything simply imparted to him, he sees it in his mind and comes to the conclusions you want.

What could be better than engaging your reader—giving him an active role in the story experience?

Telling : When they embraced, she could tell he had been smoking and was scared.

Showing : When she wrapped her arms around him, the sweet staleness of tobacco enveloped her, and he shivered.

Telling : The temperature fell and the ice reflected the sun.

Showing : Bill’s nose burned in the frigid air, and he squinted against the sun reflecting off the street.

Telling : Suzie was blind.

Showing : Suzie felt for the bench with a white cane.

Telling : It was late fall.

Showing : Leaves crunched beneath his feet.

Telling : She was a plumber and asked where the bathroom was.

Showing : She wore coveralls, carried a plunger and metal toolbox, and wrenches of various sizes hung from a leather belt. “Point me to the head,” she said.

Telling: I had a great conversation with Tim over dinner and loved hearing his stories.

Showing: I barely touched my food, riveted by Tim. “Let me tell you another story,” he said.

• Tips to Help You Avoid Telling

Use Dialogue

Riveting dialogue breaks up narrative summary, differentiates characters (through dialect and word choice ), and allows a story to emerge naturally, rather than your spelling out every detail.

Instead of telling , with clunky dialogue like this:

“Just because you’re in this hospital because you were nearly killed in that wreck when Bill was driving, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t forgive him.”

“What are you going to do about Bill? He feels terrible.”

“He ought to.”

“Well, has he visited?”

“He wouldn’t dare.”

What actually happened can emerge in realistic dialogue as the story progresses.

Participating in the experience is part of the fun of being a reader.

Appeal to Readers’ Senses

There’s nothing quite like the human imagination.

Used wisely, suggestive imagery can help you grab your readers’ attention, transport them to a different world, as long as you don’t draw attention to the writing itself and remind them they’re reading.

• Starlings soared in dark flocks.
• Covered in soot, he carried his son from the blaze.

Thunder rattled the windows.

• Laughter broke the silence.
• Pumpkin and cinnamon wafted from the kitchen.
• She awoke to the aroma of percolating coffee.
• Her lips puckered as the lemon touched her tongue.
• He savored the fluid yolk of the Eggs Benedict.
• The smooth stone felt cool in her palm.
• Smooth silk swallowed Rita in the bed.

Use Powerful Verbs

Action verbs, as opposed to state-of-being verbs, trigger the theaters of your readers’ minds, allowing them an important role in experiencing your story.

A woman once told me she was thrilled to discover a book she’d cherished as a child. She eagerly thumbed through it, looking for the beautiful paintings she remembered so well, only to discover the book had no illustrations.

The author had so engaged the theater of her young mind that she had imagined those very real impressions.

Here’s a list of 294 powerful verbs with examples you can use as you learn how to show, not tell.

Active Voice Adds Power

To eliminate passive voice , eliminate as many of your state-of-being verbs as possible ( is, am, are, was, were , etc.—Google a list and print it).

Passive: The party was planned by Jill.

Active: Jill planned the party.

Passive: The wedding cake was made by Ben.

Active: Ben made the wedding cake.

Passive: The Little League team was given trophies by the coaches.

Active: The coaches gave trophies to the Little League team.

Click here for my detailed guide on fixing passive voice.

Resist the Urge to Explain (RUE)

She glanced up at the clouds in the sky.

He walked through the open door.

Readers are intelligent. They want to be able to deduce things, not to be led by the nose.

When  Telling is Acceptable

Narrative summary is sometimes prudent.

Say you have to get your character to a location where the real action happens.

There’s no need to invest several pages showing every aspect of the trip from packing, dressing, getting a cab to the airport, going through security, boarding the plane, arriving, etc. Rather, it’s okay to you quickly tell it this way:

He flew to Washington, where he…

Then return to showing mode, concentrating on the heart of what happened there.

• Show, Don’t Tell Examples

Learn the art of showing (and occasionally telling ) from those who’ve done it successfully.

Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier

Some writers make you want to emulate them. Frazier makes me want to surrender and simply read.

“The hay field beyond the beaten dirt of the school playground stood pant-waist high and the heads of grass were turning yellow from need of cutting. The teacher was a round little old man, hairless and pink of face. He owned but one rusty, black suit of clothes and a pair of old overlarge dress boots that curled up at the toes and were so worn down that the heels were wedge-like. He stood at the front of the room rocking on the points.”

The reason it works? Besides the fact that he works the description into the action, he makes you forget you’re reading. That’s the goal.

The Sign of Four by Arthur Conan Doyle

In this novel, Dr. John Watson’s observation of Sherlock Holmes could’ve been boring, but notice how Doyle handles it:

“So swift, silent and furtive were his movements like those of a trained bloodhound picking out a scent, that I could not but think what a terrible criminal he would have made had he turned his energy and sagacity against the law instead of exerting them in its defense.”

The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien

Describing Mordor, Tolkien leaves no question about its dangers.

“The gasping pools were choked with ash and crawling muds, sickly white and grey, as if the mountains had vomited the filth of their entrails upon the lands about. High mounds of crushed and powdered rock, great cones of earth fire-blasted and poison-stained, stood like an obscene graveyard in endless rows, slowly revealed in the reluctant light.”

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Morrison brilliantly condenses years into one paragraph of narrative summary:

“Men and women were moved around like checkers. Anybody Baby Suggs knew, let alone loved, who hadn’t run off or been hanged got rented out, loaned out, bought up, brought back, stored up, mortgaged, won, stolen, or seized. So Baby’s eight children had six fathers. What she called the nastiness of life was the stock she received upon learning that nobody stopped playing checkers just because the pieces included her children.”

Why the Book Is Usually Better Than the Movie

The reader’s mind is more imaginative than anything Hollywood can put on the screen. Well-written books trigger readers to create their own visuals.

That’s why it’s worth your time to master the art of showing.

• When Telling is Acceptable

Faith-Based Words and Phrases

What You and I Can Learn From Patricia Raybon

A Guest Blog from Stephen King—Yes, that Stephen King

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Show, Don’t Tell: Illustrating Through Action and Description

How to Show Without Telling in Your Writing

“Show, don’t tell” is a fundamental principle in storytelling that breathes life into narratives. Instead of simply telling the reader what is happening, showing allows them to experience the story through sensory details, actions, and emotions. This technique involves demonstrating what a character is feeling or what is happening in the scene through concrete details, rather than summarizing or explaining it outright. Here’s how to master this approach:

Use Vivid Imagery and Sensory Details

Rather than stating that a place is beautiful, describe its details. Paint a picture with words that engages the senses.

• Telling: The garden was beautiful.
• Showing: The garden burst with color, roses climbing the trellis, their fragrance mingling with the earthy scent of freshly turned soil.

Depict Actions Over Statements

Actions can convey emotions and intentions more effectively than direct statements. Show characters doing something that reveals their state of mind or personality.

• Telling: She was nervous.
• Showing: Her hands trembled as she fumbled with the keys, a bead of sweat trickling down her temple.

Dialogue That Reveals Character

Dialogue can be a powerful tool to show rather than tell. How a character speaks, what they say, and what they leave unsaid can reveal much about their personality and emotions.

• Telling: John was angry with his friend.
• Showing: “So, you think this is funny?” John’s voice was low, each word clipped. He slammed the book on the table, glaring at his friend.

Show Emotions Through Reactions

Characters’ reactions to events or other characters can reveal their emotions without needing to state them explicitly.

• Telling: She was happy to see him.
• Showing: Her eyes lit up, and a wide smile spread across her face as she ran to greet him.

Use Setting to Reflect Mood

The environment can be used to mirror a character’s internal state or the overall mood of the scene.

• Telling: The town felt eerie.
• Showing: The fog hung low over the deserted streets, muffling the sound of her footsteps. Shadows lurked at the edges of her vision, making her heart race.

Real-World Examples of “Show, don’t tell”

Let’s look at some examples from literature where authors effectively use the “show, don’t tell” technique.

From Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird :

• Telling: The courtroom was tense.
• Showing: “Ain’t nobody got any business talkin’ like that—it just makes me sick.” His voice had lost its comfortableness; he was speaking in his arid, detached professional voice. “In quiet contrast, Bob Ewell’s voice crackled with malevolence, his dirty shirt stuck to his back, and his face twitched with hatred.”

Lee uses the characters’ voices, appearances, and actions to convey the tension in the courtroom without explicitly stating it.

From J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone :

• Telling: Harry was excited to go to Hogwarts.
• Showing: “He had never been more excited. He hardly dared to breathe, hoping his letter would arrive soon. He had been up at the crack of dawn every morning to check the post, and had been disappointed each time.”

Rowling shows Harry’s excitement through his actions and anticipation.

Practice Exercises

To practice “show, don’t tell,” try rewriting the following sentences by showing rather than telling:

• The house was spooky.
• She was very tired.
• He loved her deeply.
• The meal was delicious.

Sample Rewrites:

• The house loomed with creaky floorboards and cobweb-draped corners, its windows dark and foreboding.
• She dragged her feet, eyes half-closed, stifling a yawn every few steps.
• He looked at her like she was the only person in the room, his eyes soft and a tender smile playing on his lips.
• The flavors burst in his mouth, rich and savory, with each bite melting effortlessly on his tongue.

“Show, don’t tell” transforms a narrative, making it richer and more immersive. By incorporating vivid imagery, detailed actions, revealing dialogue, emotional reactions, and evocative settings, writers can create scenes that resonate deeply with readers.

• This page was originally published by Word.Studio
• on August 6, 2024

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Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

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Show, not Tell Phrases for Compositions

• Primary School Composition Writing

Jasmine was ecstatic when she read the letter.

This sentence tells you how Jasmine felt, but does it let you feel her excitement? Rather than just replacing basic emotion words with fancier ones like “ecstatic”, good writing involves making the reader experience the emotions alongside the characters.

You’ve probably seen the margin note “Show, not tell!” from teachers on your marked compositions, urging you to make your writing more vivid. What does it really mean to “show” emotions in writing? In this article we’ll tell—no, we’ll show —you concrete examples for ALL the major emotions. Let’s bring your characters to life by mastering the art of showing, not telling, their feelings!

But before you go on reading… You might want to download a pdf copy of this article as it is quite long!

Click the blue download button, enter your email, and the pdf file will be delivered to your inbox! (Remember to check spam!)

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1. Show, not Tell—What’s the Difference?

First, let’s revisit that example from the beginning.

Can you picture Jasmine in your mind? Is she smiling? Is she dancing? We have no clue. That’s because “telling” simply states the character’s emotion. It lacks depth and fails to spark the imagination.

Now, watch what happens when we “show” instead:

Jasmine’s eyes lit up like those of a child on Christmas morning while scanning the letter. A wide smile stretched across her face and the corners of her eyes crinkled as the words registered.

“I did it,” she murmured, letting out a breathless giggle and hugging the letter tightly to her chest.

After a little celebratory shimmy, Jasmine shot off, bursting with the news.

Can you now vividly picture an overjoyed Jasmine? Aren’t you curious about what the news is? Notice we didn’t directly mention Jasmine’s emotions using generic adjectives. Instead, you inferred her excitement from the detailed description of her actions and expressions.

To summarise, to “tell” means:

·       Simply stating the character’s emotions —which is bland and unengaging

·       Your writing is underdeveloped —may not even hit the minimum word count

·     Vivid descriptions —details to show the character’s expressions and actions, so readers can deduce the emotions themselves

·     Meaningful dialogue —dialogue that reveals one’s emotions and personality

2. The Show, not Tell Formula

1. facial expressions.

It’s said that the eyes are the windows to the soul—but so too are the mouth, nose, and forehead…you get the gist. Do your character’s eyebrows furrow when they are confused? Do their lips purse when they’re scowling? Do they gnaw on their lower lip when they’re nervous and widen their eyes when terrified?  

2. Body Language and Actions

No less important are your character’s body movements and gestures. Do their hands ball into threatening fists when enraged? Do their shoulders slump? Pay attention to the subtlest details like trembling hands, shifting weight, or foot-tapping to really paint an evocative image.

3. Speech Delivery and Vocalisations

So far we’ve only relied on our sense of sight to show our character’s emotions. Don’t forget that the way your character speaks offers a rich wellspring of information. Beyond simply shouting, whispering, or stuttering, pay attention to the full range of their vocalisations. Is your character sighing mournfully, giggling uncontrollably or scoffing derisively?

Now that you know the formula, let’s analyse that example of Jasmine again and see how these three tips have been applied:

Jasmine’s eyes lit up like those of a child on Christmas morning as she scanned the letter. A wide smile stretched her face and the corners of her eyes crinkled as the words registered.

After a little celebratory shimmy , Jasmine shot off , bursting with the news.

By harnessing these three prongs—facial expressions, body language, and speech delivery—you can craft a rich portrayal of any emotion. When done well, readers will be able to intimately feel your character’s triumphs and struggles without you blatantly telling them anything.

In the next section, we’ll put this formula into practice by creating “show, not tell” descriptions of the major emotions.

3. Show, not Tell Phrases for Happiness/Excitement

There is that moment in everyone’s life where everything feels perfect and the whole world seems brighter. It can be when you aced an exam or got something you’ve always wanted. You are buoyant, content, and it feels like you’re walking on air!

Here are some example phrases to convey this feeling:

Facial Expressions

• Eyes sparkling with glee
• Dimples denting cheeks
• Lips parted in a wide smile
• A gentle smile playing on the lips
• A grin spreading uncontrollably across the face
• Crinkles at the corners of the eyes
• Bouncing on the balls of the feet
• Walking with a spring in every step
• Tossing the head back with a carefree laugh
• Pumping fists in the air triumphantly
• Jumping up and down excitedly
• Doing a victory lap around the room

  Vocalisations

• Erupting into bubbly laughter
• Voice trembling with excitement
• Exclaiming/ squealing enthusiastically
• Letting out a whoop of delight
• Humming contentedly under the breath

4. Show, not Tell Phrases for Sadness

A loved one passes away far too soon. A friendship dissolves, leaving you with a void that threatens to never be filled. In times like these, even getting out of bed can seem like a monumental task. Sadness is the emotion of defeat, of loss, of emptiness.

• Eyes glistening with unshed tears
• Vacant, hollow stare
• Eyes puffy from crying
• Face crumpling
• Cheeks streaked with dried tears
• Forced, tremulous smile

  Body Language and Actions

• Throat bobbing as you swallow a lump
• Shoulders slumped in defeat
• Curling into a ball
• Burying your head in the crook of your arm
• Feet dragging along the ground
• Occasionally sniffling back tears
• Muttering in a defeated tone
• Letting out heart-wrenching sobs
• Hoarse, cracking, or raspy voice
• Letting out a long, weary sigh
• Mumbling listless, barely audible responses
• Choking on words, struggling to speak through tears

5. Show, not Tell Phrases for Anger

Have you ever felt that flash of blinding rage when someone belittles you? Anger is the lava that courses through your veins. It’s the heat that rises from your chest to your face, turning your skin crimson. You are an explosion just waiting to happen! Anger is a powerful emotion that demands to be expressed, often bubbling over in explosive actions or simmering silently, waiting to be unleashed.

  Facial Expressions

• Eyes narrowed into slits
• Nostrils flaring
• Gritted teeth
• Jaw clenched rigidly
• Face turning crimson
• A sneer curling one corner of the mouth
• Purple veins throbbing at the temples
• Hands balled into white-knuckled fists
• Pounding a fist on the table
• Jabbing a finger accusingly at someone
• Storming away in a huff
• Slamming a door and stomping away

Vocalisations

• Snarling or growling with teeth bared
• Muttering insults under the breath
• Letting out a derisive snort
• Flecks of spittle flying whilst spewing out expletives
• Hissing venomously

6. Show, not Tell Phrases for Fear/Nervousness

It feels like you’re locked in a nightmare—the bully looms over you and you’re nothing more than cornered prey. Fear is an emotion that can be paralysing, freezing you in place even when action is necessary. Whether it’s the palpable dread of an imminent threat or the subtle unease of uncertainty, these feelings can seize control of mind and body.

• Facial expressions
• Eyes wide, darting from side to side
• Face drained of all colour
• Lower lip quivering uncontrollably
• Beads of cold sweat gathered at the upper lip
• Chin trembling with effort to maintain composure

Body Language and Actions

• Trembling hands wringing together
• Muscles stiffening
• Feet tapping nervously
• Goosebumps rising on arms
• Jumping at the slightest sound
• Shrinking backwards against the wall
• Clutching onto something like a lifeline
• Knees wobbling, barely supporting one’s weight
• Voice breaking mid-sentence
• Soft whimpers slipping out involuntarily
• Ragged and laboured breathing
• Words tumbling out in a rushed jumble
• Voice fading into a barely audible murmur

7. Show, not Tell Phrases for Surprise/Shock

You’ve just won the lottery. An old friend you haven’t seen in years shows up sat your doorstep. You’re left momentarily speechless as you try to comprehend the situation. Surprise is generally an instantaneous, gut reaction to something unexpected.

Here are some example phrases to convey this feeling:  

• Eyebrows shooting up in astonishment
• Eyes grew as wide as saucers
• Blinking rapidly in disbelief
• Lips parted in a near-perfect ‘o’
• Jaw dropping nearly to the floor
• A momentary flash of confusion
• Jolting upright
• Stepping back reflexively
• Did a double-take
• Arms dropping to sides, limp with shock
• Clapping hands over an open mouth
• Grabbing onto the nearest object for support
• Shaking the head in disbelief
• Squeaking out a breathless gasp
• Stunned into silence
• Letting out a long, slow “Wow…”
• Voice rising an octave in exclamation

8. Show, not Tell Phrases for Disgust

You’re digging into your favourite Char Kway Teow, savouring each bite when suddenly, a maggot wriggles out from within. Eww! Instantly, your stomach churns and your face contorts in revulsion. Disgust often manifests in aversion and distance from the offending item.

  Facial expressions

• Nose scrunching up in disdain
• Grimacing as though smelling a foul odour
• Forehead creasing with lines of distaste
• Casting a glare of disapproval
• One eyebrow cocked in a sceptical arch
• Eyes darting away from the offending item
• Lips settling into a scornful pout
• Recoiling in horror
• Shuddering involuntarily
• Pinching one’s nose
• Pushing something away
• Clicking one’s tongue in disapproval
• Swallowed back a wave of nausea
• Making a gagging sound, on the verge of retching
• A disdainful “ugh”
• A loud, clear snort of contempt

Mastering Show, not Tell

Remember: this is not an exhaustive list of phrases to mindlessly memorise. Be creative, keep practising, and come up with your unique “show, not tell” descriptions to suit your story.

• Body language and actions
• Speech delivery and vocalisations

With these tips, you’re well-quipped to start weaving vivid descriptions. And perhaps, when you’re able to craft paragraphs that can transport your readers into your character’s reality, you’ll understand how Jasmine felt, and do a little, celebratory shimmy of your own when you see your dream grade winking at you from atop the page.  🙂 

If you’re eager to dive deeper and expand your repertoire of emotive expressions, don’t miss our eBook, “ 500 Awesome Phrases to Wow Your Teacher “. This resource is packed with creative Show, Not Tell phrases to help you vividly convey emotions like jealousy, relief, gratitude, and anxiety, among others.

Download your copy today!

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Show, Don’t Tell: What It Is and How to Use It (With Examples)

If you’ve read a few of the other articles on this site, then you’ve probably seen me state “show, don’t tell” more than once. If that’s the first time you’ve heard that phrase, then you probably aren’t completely sure what it entails or how you’re supposed to apply that to your own writing. Without good examples, it’s hard to be sure what it really means. And, even if you’re familiar with the concept in theory, it can still be frustrating to figure out how to implement it.

What is “Show, Don’t Tell?”

“Show, don’t tell” is often uttered by teachers and editors alike, but what exactly does it mean? Basically, “showing” and “telling” are two different writing techniques.

Telling is the act of describing an action, setting, object, person, or other element in the story objectively. There is no room for the readers to make inferences about what is going on, and every piece of information feels like it is being spoon-fed to them. To borrow an example from a previous article ( A Guide to Self-Editing Your Writing ), this would look like “the house felt creepy.” Instead of describing the different elements of the house that make it feel creepy, you can just state that it’s creepy and let readers fill in the gaps with their imagination. 

Showing is the act of appealing to readers’ senses to give them specific impressions about an action, setting, object, person, or other element in the story—without them having to be told. That means, instead of describing something objectively, you focus on the details that would give readers the impression you want them to have. To go back to the house example, try to think about the types of things that would make a house creepy. Maybe the house is dusty, run-down, or just old. Maybe the lights flicker. Maybe the characters inside hear strange noises, or there are stains on the walls and floor. What aspects of the house can you highlight to make readers feel that the house is creepy, instead of telling them outright?

Why is “Show, Don’t Tell” Important?

“Show, don’t tell” is a phrase that is said so often in writing classes, workshops, and while editing that it’s understandable that many writers are absolutely sick of hearing it. However, as frustrating as that is, it’s with good reason—it’s good advice. 

Showing is incredibly important in writing impactful stories. If you want readers to empathize with characters’ emotions and immerse themselves in your scenes, then you need to appeal to their senses. 

Simply “telling” readers everything they need to know is dull, and it can be difficult to give a scene any emotional weight when everything is stated objectively. 

Is “Showing” Always Better than “Telling?”

With that said, it’s important to state that showing is not always better than telling. There are many situations in which you don’t need to waste time and effort “showing” situations in your stories. In fact, it can actually be harmful to your story if you try to show absolutely everything. 

The entire purpose of “showing” is to emphasize emotions and draw readers in to the narrative. If you are describing a transition between scenes, or writing something for expository or informational purposes, then there is absolutely no reason to “show, don’t tell.” 

You don’t always need to show characters getting ready for something, going to sleep, or traveling. You don’t always need to dive into the emotions of background characters. You don’t always need to give intense emotional weight to everyday scenes and interactions between characters. If you “show” everything instead of using both “showing” and “telling,” your story is going to end up being too long-winded and exhausting to read. 

Sometimes, being brief and concise is more important than focusing on the details. It all depends on the context. 

When to Show, Not Tell

When it comes to writing a story, there are a few situations in which it is particularly important to “show, don’t tell.” 

In general, any time you are describing an action, item, character, or setting that is important to the plot or larger narrative, you should try to “show” as much as possible.  

However, more specifically, you should use showing when describing:

• A character’s emotions
• A character’s appearance
• Dialogue beats during a conversation between characters
• An important object
• An important setting
• A meaningful action
• A mystery (or clues)
• A big event
• Anything else of significance 

By utilizing this technique effectively, you’ll not only create more vibrant stories, but you’ll also be able to better control the pacing of your narrative and effectively establish a specific tone for any kind of scene.

How to Show, Not Tell in Your Stories

Learning how to apply this technique is easier said than done, so here’s a brief breakdown of the way you can think about “showing” before we move on to some more concrete examples. 

Any time you are describing a character’s emotions, you should avoid naming the emotion itself. Instead of simply telling readers “she looked angry,” describe how her expression and body language change to reflect her emotional state. If you’re writing in the first person, you can focus more on the physiological changes that come with different emotions, such as a rush of adrenaline, feeling warm, or getting nauseous. 

If you need some tips for how to use facial expressions to show emotion, check out my other article “ How to Describe Facial Expressions in Writing. ” 

Additionally, any time you feel tempted to describe anything with an adjective (fancy, creepy, bright, colorful, noisy, etc), you can use “showing” instead. Rather than say that a place is loud, describe what the different sounds are, and show other characters covering their ears or trying to move away from the noise. 

If something looks fancy, then describe the elements of it that give it that impression. If it’s a fancy book, describe how the cover contains an elaborate pattern stamped into the leather with gold leaf, how the edge of each page is lined in gold, or how it has an intricate buckle to fasten it shut. 

When trying to “show, not tell,” simply think of how you imagine something, and how you can describe it in a way that will help readers imagine the same thing. When you picture a cute dog, what elements of the dog makes it cute instead of ugly? When you think of a gross puddle on the ground, what makes it gross? When you think of an annoying person, what do they do that’s annoying? If you focus on the details, it’ll be much easier for you to “show, not tell.” 

Examples of “Show, Don’t Tell”

Here are some examples of “telling” and “showing,” to give you a better idea of how to use “show, don’t tell” in your own writing. 

I hope you find those examples useful! 

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Show, Don’t Tell - What’s the Difference Between Showing vs Telling?

by Fija Callaghan

Fija Callaghan is an author, poet, and writing workshop leader. She has been recognized by a number of awards, including being shortlisting for the H. G. Wells Short Story Prize. She is the author of the short story collection Frail Little Embers , and her writing can be read in places like Seaside Gothic , Gingerbread House , and Howl: New Irish Writing . She is also a developmental editor with Fictive Pursuits. You can read more about her at fijacallaghan.com .

If you’ve been a writer for any length of time—by which we mean someone who writes , even if they’ve not yet been published—you’ve probably heard the rule “show, don’t tell.” It’s good writing advice, but it also tends to get bandied about so much that its meaning can become muddied and unclear, especially for new writers.

If you’ve been accused of the grievous sin of “telling” your writing, and you’re not quite sure how to apply this oft-repeated golden rule to your work, we’re here for you.

Let’s take a closer look at what “show, don’t tell” really means, when and when not to apply it, and some tricks to master one of the most essential writing skills in your toolbox.

What does “show, don’t tell” mean in creative writing?

“Show, don’t tell” is using descriptive language to allow your reader to experience the story world, rather than explaining it to them with exposition. For example, saying a room was cold is “telling.” Mentioning the frost on a windowpane or the thick socks your characters wear is “showing” the cold, but without saying it.

The concept as we know it today is believed to originate from a famous quote by Anton Chekhov :

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.

It’s so famous that you’ve probably come across it before. But! This widely circulated maxim is actually a condensed idea from a letter Chekhov wrote to his brother in 1886 about the writing process. Here’s the original quote:

In descriptions of Nature one must seize on small details, grouping them so that when the reader closes his eyes he gets a picture. For instance, you’ll have a moonlit night if you write that on the mill dam a piece of glass from a broken bottle glittered like a bright little star, and that the black shadow of a dog or a wolf rolled past like a ball.

Which, admittedly, doesn’t fit on a bumper sticker quite as nicely. But, it does highlight the importance of using small, specific details to lead the reader into your world. We’ll talk more about the importance of sensory details in “showing” a story down below.

“Telling” readers is a better process when you’re trying to communicate objective, impersonal information; “showing” is best when you want your readers to directly experience a character’s emotions as they follow the events of the plot.

Why is “showing” important in a story?

When you use vivid details to show what’s happening in your story, you close the gap between the story and your readers. Incorporating showing into your writing technique moves the plot from feeling like a third-hand account to something the reader is living, seeing, breathing in real time.

Here’s an example of “show, don’t tell”:

Telling: He deceived his mother into letting him stay home sick.

Showing: He ran into the bathroom and splashed water on his forehead so it would look like he was sweating. Then he jumped back into bed, roughly cleared his throat a few times to give it the right amount of croak, and pulled the blankets up up to his nose. “I don’t feel wellllll!” he wailed.

It’s exactly the same scene . The difference is that in the first example, the reader is being given an objective piece of information. They might believe you, but they don’t feel it. In the second example, the body language and specific details bring the main character and their objective to life. The reader can see it happening in their minds. This is the power of “show, don’t tell.”

Using this writing rule will help you develop characters with more dimension and ensure your readers don’t lose interest as they explore your story.

Examples of “telling” in a story

Here are a few other examples of what telling looks like within a narrative:

He ran into his ex on his way to the post office.

She saw the candle catch the corner of the bedspread and quickly snuffed it out.

Little Women was her all-time favorite book.

They turned back around to go to the supermarket, because they realized they were out of food.

He felt colder and colder as he trudged towards the cabin.

Each of these snapshots in time could be fleshed out into an entire scene or scene beat that reveals more depth about each of these characters. How does the man feel when he runs into his ex? Hopeful, angry, self-conscious, astonished? Why is Little Women her favorite book? Is it a particular character, scene, or a memory shared with someone who read it to her? How does the cold feel as the man walks up the hill? How is his body reacting, what sort of thoughts are going through his head?

While you don’t need to “show” every single moment throughout your narrative, it’s worth paying attention and considering whether or not “telling” is a missed opportunity to explore more nuances in your story world.

Can you both show and tell?

You hear “show, don’t tell” all the time in creative writing, but is it possible to do both? Yes! Showing and telling is a balancing act, and master writers know that too much of either can drag your story down.

“Showing” a story brings immediacy, intimacy, and urgency to a scene, but if you’re doing nothing but showing every single moment, you end up with a sprawling epic told in real time à la James Joyce (his magnum opus Ulysses is around 800 pages, and considered one of the most challenging novels in the English language). Too much show can lead to an unnecessarily high word count that doesn’t actually contribute to or strengthen your story.

Instead, pick pivotal moments where your protagonist is experiencing something new or important, where your plot is moving from one place to another, or where your characters are reaching a point of dynamic change. Then show those moments in vibrant, gut-wrenching detail. It’s okay to use telling to string those important beats together.

We’ll take a closer look at when to use showing and when to use telling a bit further on in this article.

Line-level showing vs. story-level showing

Most examples of “show don’t tell” you come across will illustrate this writing technique at the line level—like the example of the duplicitous child we look at above. This means taking a single moment, like “He deceived his mother into letting him stay home sick,” and turning that into a more powerful, lifelike scene.

However, showing details about plot, setting, or fictional characters can sprawl across the entire breadth of your story, too. This means that rather than showing a key trait or plot point in one moment, you find ways to incorporate it across the entire story arc.

Here’s an example of story-level “show, don’t tell”:

Telling: She was a bad mother.

Showing: Electricity bills left unpaid on the table, a child waiting at the school gates because they’ve been forgotten, looking through cupboards and finding nothing to eat, hiding in their room while their mother has a hangover, other parents noticing the child’s clothes are too small.

You don’t have to show a detail in just one scene to have a great story. You can set down the groundwork one layer at a time, letting your readers come to their own conclusions about what’s happening.

Ways to show in your story

Let’s look at how to describe action, emotion, and other important details in ways that will enhance your readers’ experience of your story (and create stronger writing, too).

Your story’s setting is a great place to utilize vivid details that use all five senses. Chekhov used setting to show his story in the letter we looked at earlier.

Think about the way your characters experience and interact with the world around them. How do these settings contrast each other, or change over time?

For example, saying your characters walk into a creepy old house is “telling.” Consider: what’s creepy about it? What’s making them feel this way? Instead of telling the reader it’s creepy and old, let them hear the creak of floorboards that haven’t been walked on in a long time, smell the blend of dust and mildew, see the peeling wallpaper that’s almost entirely bleached of color, feel the brush of years-old spiderwebs catching against the character’s face.

Setting is a rich source of scene-level intensity for the writer, and if you tell your reader “they walked into a creepy old house,” you’re robbing them—and yourself—of details that bring the story to life.

Good news, though! We’ve put together an entire lesson on creating story settings just for you.

The way a character speaks can reveal a lot about them without having to lay it out for the reader. Think about their word choices—are they formal, casual, contemporary, antiquated? Do they speak in long sentences with colorful adjectives, or in short, staccato bursts?

Instead of telling the reader a character was uneducated, intellectual, impatient, long winded, or nervous, you can use their speech mannerisms to portray this in a subtler way. This allows the idea to take shape more naturally in the reader’s mind.

To dive into using dialogue for characterization, you can check out our lesson on diction and dialect here.

Specificity

When you’re trying to “show, don’t tell” in your own writing, specificity—using a close-up lens into your scene—will make all the difference.

In the example of setting we looked at above, we brought our wide-lens description—a creepy old house—down to a close-up lens: wallpaper, floorboards, spider’s webs. By bringing your story’s perspective in closer, you’re bringing the reader in closer too.

Specificity is great for setting, but you can use it for other aspects of your novel or short story too, like physicality. Instead of telling the reader “he was exhausted,” bring your lens in closer and look at the character’s body language and physical reactions to their environment. Show the way his feet begin to drag against the pavement, the dark shadows under his eyes, the slight delay in answering questions, the concentrated effort he exerts for even the simplest movements.

Remember to engage with all the senses. Using specific, sensory details and strong verbs will make your stories seem more urgent and lifelike (the practice will also make you a better writer).

Use the active voice

Knowing the difference between active and passive voice is an important step in making your writing feel alive. When a narrative uses the active voice, it describes someone doing something: “She yelled at him.” In the passive voice , someone is having something done in their general direction: “He was yelled at by her.”

Very often, when a writer begins “telling” their characters’ actions, they slip into the passive voice. Try to keep an eye on this habit and use active writing wherever you can. You can learn more about these two narrative styles in our lesson on active and passive voice .

Avoid filtering words

Filtering is a sure sign of “telling” a story rather than “showing” it. Filtering means using sensory descriptors that describe the way a character’s emotions manifest, rather than allowing the reader to experience them on the page. Like the “wide lens,” this keeps your readers at a distance from the action of the story.

Filtering words are things like “He felt,” “She saw,” “They noticed.” These are all weak verbs that dispassionately explain what’s happening.

Instead of saying, “He felt the temperature in the room drop,” why not say, “The temperature in the room dropped.” Or instead of “She saw a great mountain rise up on the horizon,” try “A great mountain rose up on the horizon.”

Using strong verbs and keeping the action at the forefront—rather than buried behind a character’s description—will help you “show” your story in a more immediate way. This helps the reader imagine themselves inside your story.

Is showing always better than telling?

We hear “show, don’t tell” so often that it begins to sound like gospel. But is it always the better option?

Showing and telling is all about finding the right balance. Often, showing a story will make it feel more real and immersive to your readers—but sometimes, telling can help move the story along, keep your pace and rhythm from dragging, and avoid filling up your word count with unnecessary fluff.

Here are a few writing tips on when to use show and tell in your own writing.

When to show in a story

When introducing a new location

When introducing a new character

At pivotal revelations

When showing how a character reacts to a new piece of information

When highlighting the relationship between two characters

At key plot points upon which your story hangs

When to tell in a story

When travelling from one place to another

For quick, necessary exposition

When you need to move along the scene quickly

When a character is rushing through their motions

These are just a few guidelines. Remember: the rule is you should always try to show your story, rather than telling it, unless showing slows down your story too much and gives the reader excess information they don’t need .

Telling in Creative writing vs. academic writing

“Show, don’t tell” is considered the golden rule of creative writing—that is, narrative writing, or writing that tells a story, whether that’s fiction or a non-fiction account. But is it a rule for other types of writing?

In non-fiction academic or scientific writing, you’ll often find more “telling” because you’re attempting to recount a series of facts. Rather than describing the symptoms of an illness and the way certain lives were affected, the way you would in a narrative story, a medical journal will usually offer a series of statistics and figures to portray this information.

If you were taking this same information and adapting it to a short story or novel, you would instead use a writing style that explores the humanity behind the facts in order to give the story life in the reader’s mind.

Examples of showing from literature

To see this creative writing rule in practice, let’s look at a few examples from writers who have mastered the art of “show, don’t tell.”

Five Quarters of the Orange , by Joanne Harris

I can remember my father, but only in snatches. A smell of moths and tobacco from his big old coat. The Jerusalem artichokes he alone liked, and which we all had to eat once a week. How I’d once accidentally sun a fish-hook through the web by part of my hand, between finger and thumb, and his arms around me, his voice telling me to be brave.

In this excerpt, the narrator uses a few specific, well-placed sensory details to convey the relationship they had with their father. They use an intimate lens to explore scent, taste, touch, and sound all in just a few sentences. Even though the man is not around anymore, the reader feels as though they have a clear picture of what he was like.

Conversations With Friends , by Sally Rooney

When we rang the bell, Melissa answered the door with her camera slung over one shoulder. She thanked us for coming. She had an expressive, conspiratorial smile, which I thought she probably gave to all her subjects, as if to say: you’re no ordinary subject to me, you’re a special favorite. I knew I would enviously practice this smile later in a mirror.

The final “punchline” of this excerpt reveals worlds about the narrator in a subtle, fluid way. Rather than saying, “I was insecure and sought to emulate the charm and adaptability of others,” the author included a small, vivid action that communicated a much deeper truth.

Jackaby , by William Ritter

The guard opened it a crack and then quickly stepped aside, letting it swing wide. Commissioner Swift stood in the hall, looking thoroughly out of place in the plain, practical quarters of the police station. He wore the same expensive black coat with red trim and matching rosy derby.

In real time this moment only takes a couple breaths, but there’s a lot going on in it. The physical details portrayed in the guard’s reaction show the status and privilege this new character has in the scene. The narrator juxtaposes the practicality of the setting with the ostentation of the commissioner’s clothes. Very quickly we learn that this is a figurehead, and their unusual presence there means the plot has quickly escalated.

The Midnight Library , by Matt Haig

It was, she was convinced, the best song she had ever written. And—more than that—it was a happy song to reflect her optimism at that point in her life. It was a song inspired by her new life with Dan. And he had listened to it with a shruggish indifference that had hurt at the time and which she would have addressed if it hadn’t been his birthday.

In this excerpt, the narrator zooms in on a single, visceral memory. The moment begins with a happy, victorious, hopeful state of mind and descends into a confused sense of betrayal. The narrator doesn’t have to explain that their relationship was unbalanced or that they were setting themselves up to get hurt—the reader experiences this sensation right beside them in the moment.

Molly Fox’s Birthday , by Deirdre Madden

I rose and went to the bathroom, taking the radio with me. Even though here too Molly had urged me to make free with what was available, I didn’t use any of her rose-scented bath oil in its bottle of smoked glass, the label hand-written in French.

This moment uses a close-up lens, moving from the view of the bathroom all the way to the tiny writing on a fancy label. These details reveal a lot about “Molly,” who is not present, and about the narrator who is staying in her home. By highlighting small sensory details of sight and smell, the author communicates broader characterization in both the main character and the relationship between the two characters.

Three prompts to practice showing in your writing

To practice “show, don’t tell” in your own work, try a writing exercise that encourages you to use sensory details, strong verbs, and a close-up story lens. Here are a few ideas.

First, look at the example of “telling” a moment in a story. Then, see if you can break down what’s actually happening in that moment. What physical or emotional sensations are going through these characters? What sounds, sights, smells, or textures are they experiencing?

Try writing out three to four sentences “showing” the character’s experience. See how much information you can convey by using subtext, body language, and “zooming in” on the snapshot in time.

Telling : “I tripped on the front steps on my very first day of school.”

Telling : “She silently apologized by making him his favorite meal.”

Telling : “Watching them from the corner of his eye, he could tell they’d met before.”

Learning to “show, don’t tell” will make you a better writer

Learning the difference between showing versus telling will make an enormous difference when it comes to planting big ideas in your readers’ minds. As an essential tool in your creative writing toolbox, “showing” your story with strong verbs and vivid details will help you develop characters, settings, and story arcs in a much more resonant way.

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‘Show, don’t tell’: Examples from books balancing both

‘Show, don’t tell’ is something every aspiring author has heard or read at some point. It’s true that telling the reader about your characters’ acts and emotions or your settings is often weaker than showing them. Read examples from books that put ‘show, don’t tell’ in context and reveal how to blend showing and telling effectively:

• Post author By Bridget McNulty
• 29 Comments on ‘Show, don’t tell’: Examples from books balancing both

How does ‘showing’ differ from ‘telling’?

In storytelling, both telling and showing are necessary. For a cohesive story, we sometimes need to know how characters got from A to B to C. Yet we don’t necessarily need to see every minute detail. Contrary to the popular advice, sometimes telling is  fine. For example, an author could write:

‘Sarah locked her front door, and, glancing at her watch, saw she was late for her train. She broke into a sprint and arrived four minutes later, out of breath, as the train pulled away.’

Perhaps the reader doesn’t need so much detail about the mundane activity of catching a train. If we rewrote this same example of ‘showing’ as expository ‘telling’:

‘That morning, Sarah had sprinted for the train but arrived seconds too late.’

This telling simplifies, moving the story along quickly to the next piece of information. ‘That morning’ implies that the event precedes a more important piece of information (the consequences of Sarah’s lateness, for example). Instead of dwelling on the cause, compact expository telling of this type catapults us towards the crucial effect the cause produces. The cause is not the main event.

This example gives us useful show don’t tell tips:

• Telling has its place – use it to give the reader secondary information such as how a character gets from A to B. Unless something crucial happens to your character during her journey, the reader doesn’t need every detail of her commute.
• Keep the detail of showing for scenes that deepen characterization or reveal significant turns of plot.

Here are show don’t tell examples from books that illustrate how to balance the two in your own writing:

1: Blend showing and telling for character backstory

It’s not always best to show and not tell. Take backstory, for example. Characters who have history feel more vivid and real to us.

If you followed the advice to the letter and gave your character’s formative years in minute, showing detail, this information could take up so much of your story that it outweighs the present time of your main story arc.

Discretion and balance is key. E. Annie Proulx, in her novel The Shipping News blends telling and showing expertly when she introduces her protagonist, Quoyle:

‘Here is an account of a few years in the life of Quoyle, born in Brooklyn and raised in a shuffle of dreary upstate towns.’ (p. 1)

Proulx starts with plain telling to introduce the story. Yet she shifts quickly after this first line into descriptive backstory that blends telling about Quoyle’s early years with details about his character:

‘Hive-spangled, gut roaring with gas and cramp, he survived childhood; at the state university, hand clapped over his chin, he camouflaged torment with smiles and silence.’ (p. 1)

Note how Proulx blends telling us about long-range character experiences (‘he survived childhood’) with small physical and emotional details about Quoyle. We know he had hives. We form a sense of Quoyle’s lived, bodily reality when Proulx describes his ‘gas and cramps’. Proulx also describes a character tic that she later expands on – how Quoyle claps his hand over his chin. This tic is due to embarrassment (we learn later) about its size – a genetic inheritance.

This character introduction is more striking than if Proulx had continued with telling like her first sentence. For example:

‘Quoyle had a weak digestive system but got through childhood despite it. He was embarassed by his chin, solving his embarassment by hiding it with his hand.’

The problem with this version is that it creates distance – we hear about Quoyle, but don’t see him clapping his hand over his chin. We don’t feel the character’s rumbling cramps with as much empathy as when we read ‘gut roaring with gas and cramp’.

This blending works because we see the character’s unique individuality. Proulx shows us Quoyle’s behaviour in specific moments, along with the broader sweep of his childhood.

2: Show the reader your settings (don’t just tell)

Setting description is another area where you may be tempted to tell the reader more than show. Yet setting is a visual element of story . We need to be able to see it.

What makes Tolkien’s Mordor so real in his Lord of the Rings  cycle is its sulfurous pits and gloomy, dark detail:

‘The gasping pools were choked with ash and crawling muds, sickly white and grey, as if the mountains had vomitted the filth of their entrails upon the lands about. High mounds of crushed and powdered rock, great cones of earth fire-blasted and poison-stained, stood like an obscene graveyard in endless rows, slowly revealed in the reluctant light.’

In this passage from The Two Towers , Tolkien creates a visceral sense of Mordor as a place. Tolkien shows us Mordor using sound (the ‘gasping’ pools), colour (‘sickly white’, ‘poison-stained’) and motion (‘crawling muds’). The atmosphere of death and decay permeates everything, even in how the rock structures resemble a graveyard.

This showing makes Mordor a visceral place of foreboding and ominous danger. The actions associated with the surrounds are violent and negative, from the mountains ‘vomitting’ their entrails onto the lands to the light’s ‘reluctance’.

This passage wouldn’t be nearly as effective merely told. Tolkien could have written:

‘Frodo was horrified by the landscape – every rock formation reminded him of gravestones and there were foul smells and eerie sights at every turn.’

In this case, we lose the specificity, the detail and the power of Tolkien’s clearly visualized setting. The description is too general and vague. To show settings clearly, like Tolkien:

• Use the senses – sound, smell, sight. How do the senses combine to give a setting its atmosphere?
• Use comparison and metaphor: Tolkien personifies the light as reluctant and unwilling. This is an effective example of showing using metaphorical language

Watch further tips from our monthly writing webinar:

3: Show characters’ relationships through dialogue

Dialogue is a vital and useful tool  to show how your characters feel about and interact with one another.

For example, Charles Dickens’ novel Hard Times opens with the pompous and narrow-minded teacher Thomas Gradgrind, a ‘man of realities’, lecturing his students. Gradgrind is described with short, compact and informative telling at first:

‘A man of facts and calculations. A man who proceeds upon the principle that two and two are four …’ (p. 1)

In his story opening, Dickens deftly moves to dialogue that shows  Gradgrind’s ‘by-the-rules’, bullish character. Gradgrind interrogates one of his pupils:

‘Girl number twenty,’ said Mr. Gradgrind, squarely pointing with his square forefinger, ‘I don’t know that girl. Who is that girl?’ ‘Sissy Jupe, sir,’ explained number twenty, blushing, standing up, and curtseying. ‘Sissy is not a name,’ said Mr. Gradgrind. ‘Don’t call yourself Sissy. Call yourself Cecilia.’ ‘It’s father as calls me Sissy, sir,’ returned the young girl in a trembling voice, and with another curtsey. (p. 1-2)

In how Gradgrind addresses Sissy, Dickens shows us the traits described in the first introduction. For Gradgrind, there is ‘correct’ way to act and this is reflected in his quibbling over Sissy Jupe’s name. His ‘squareness’ is further emphasized in how he points ‘squarely’ with his ‘square forefinger’.

The way Gradgrind bullishly reduces Sissy to trembling shows his personality – a bullying, forceful nature that is important for further plot developments in the story.

Dickens thus uses dialogue to show just how inflexible his character is, and uses physical description and gesture (the square pointing). He also shows how his students fear (rather than revere) their teacher, building a clear sense of the relationship between teacher and pupils.

4: Show the universal through the specific and particular

The Nobel-winning poet Wislawa Szymborska ran an advice column. She once told an aspiring author who’d used abstract terms such as ‘freedom’ in his writing the following:

‘You’ve managed to squeeze more lofty words into three short poems than most poets manage in a lifetime: ‘Fatherland,’ ‘truth,’ ‘freedom,’ ‘justice’: such words don’t come cheap. Real blood flows in them, which can’t be counterfeited with ink.’

The problem with universal concepts such as ‘freedom’ is exactly what Szymborska describes. The word ‘freedom’ alone is a vague concept. The word itself doesn’t begin to convey the vast complexity of the idea. Instead of saying that a character ‘is free’, show your character behaving in a way that only freedom would allow.

George Orwell illustrates how to show a general idea (in this case ‘imprisonment’ and ‘suffering’) with specific detail. Read this example from his famous work about totalitarian government, 1984 :

‘To turn his head and look at her would have been inconceivable folly. With hands locked together, invisible among the press of bodies, they stared steadily in front of them, and instead of the eyes of the girl, the eyes of the aged prisoner gazed mournfully at Winston out of nests of hair.’

Orwell shows how an act as simple as looking at another person is impossible for Winston in a country with no freedom. By focusing on the physical, embodied constraints (‘hands locked together’, ‘among the press of bodies’) Orwell creates a sense of how degrading and psychologically and physically uncomfortable it is to be denied basic freedom.

Using the gaze and his characters’ eyes, Orwell reveals more than if he were to say ‘Winston longed for the freedom to gaze at whomever he pleased.’

5: How to show, not tell: Ask yourself about the purpose of each scene

To make sure your writing always shows the reader the important things, every time you sit down to write a scene ask yourself ‘what’s important here?’

If the scene is supposed to show how your character overcomes her crippling fear of snakes, for example, don’t just tell the reader this happened. Show the exact encounter or process that led to this change. Effects without causes tell us what happened, but they don’t give us the juiciest part of storytelling – the reasons why.

Read more about descriptive writing in our complete guide to description .

Want to improve your showing and telling? Sign up for Now Novel now and get helpful feedback from your writing community or a writing mentor when you upgrade.

Related Posts:

• Dialogue writing examples from top books vs AI (2023)
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• Writing advice: Show, don't tell: or should you?
• Tags narration , show don't tell , show don't tell examples

By Bridget McNulty

Bridget McNulty is a published author, content strategist, writer, editor and speaker. She is the co-founder of two non-profits: Sweet Life Diabetes Community, South Africa's largest online diabetes community, and the Diabetes Alliance, a coalition of all the organisations working in diabetes in South Africa. She is also the co-founder of Now Novel: an online novel-writing course where she coaches aspiring writers to start - and finish! - their novels. Bridget believes in the power of storytelling to create meaningful change.

29 replies on “‘Show, don’t tell’: Examples from books balancing both”

People who can write well enough to sell books do all this instinctively. If you don’t know this sort of thing anyway, your writing is only ever going to be adequate but forgettable, at the very best. You can teach someone a skill, but not a talent, which is the ingredient that successful writers possess. However, I imagine you make a fair bit of money convincing people that you can; there’s a sucker born every minute!

The more you read, the more you’ll pick up on how to show/tell a story well — it’s the great readers-who-write for whom writing is more instinctive. But even they benefit from an editor, a writing group, clinics and workshops. Take the Inklings for example.

Writers soak up every lesson we can on how to write well – I’ve read about 50 posts on Show Don’t Tell over time, and I keep coming back for more. I strongly doubt that a) I’m a sucker, b) Now Novel is getting rich off my suckerdom or c) all writers who value instruction are doomed to be forgettable.

Writing is a learned skill – not something people are just born knowing. You are being very disingenuous with your comments.

Terry , sometimes a writer who has the talent doesn’t have the confidence or motivation to write a full fledged novel. Especially for young aspiring authors. If they want their manuscripts to be noticed by publishers, why not ensure that it is as good as it can be. Having a guide to work off of never hurt anybody, and it certainly doesn’t make them any less talented. You never know until you try, but it’s hard to try when you don’t know.

[…] How To: Show (don’t Tell!) […]

After reading this I feel I have been feasting at a fine restaurant and now have to go home to my own humble cooking. These examples make me long to be able to write that well, I know what I ought to do but can’t always see how to get there in my own work!

Well that analogy you used is excellent, Liberty. A good exercise is to copy out great sentences and paragraphs from memory, then compare your remembered version to the original. It’s a good way to dissect how authors put together a great piece of writing, word by word.

What a great idea, that will be my homework. 🙂

This is an awesome idea! In fact I just read a Dean Koontz novel, “The Husband.” For about the 80th time. The story is cool enough, but what draws me back to it is the metaphor and personification. Days later, remembering (or attempting to remember) a passage, I thought to myself “Eh… it wasn’t really all THAT great.” That bothered me. One morning, the issue actually nagged me awake, so I opened the book and looked it up.

I discovered what was “not so great” was my own paraphrasing.

Yeeeah… humble pie for breakfast that day.

Thanks for sharing that. It is interesting how certain passages or metaphors will stick in the mind long after you put a book down. Thanks for reading and joining in the conversation!

It’s amazing how your articles read my mind. It’s really helpful especially for an aspiring author like me who can not afford to pay for master classes. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles as a writer even though writing is usually a “lonely job”

I’m glad to hear that, Marissa. Thank you for reading! It’s lovely to read this kind of feedback.

Thanks again for a useful, nuanced post. I do have reservations about this subject though. ‘Showing’ can still lead to flabby, lazy writing. And some of the most powerful story tellers really do ‘tell’ much more than newbie writers are told is acceptable. Perhaps it’s one of those rules we all need to master, and then we get to play around with it…

Thank you for joining the discussion, Joanne. You’re right that showing can be just as ‘flabby’ as you put it. Ursula le Guin dedicated an essay on her website to calling out the ‘show, don’t tell’ champions and pointing out some of this rule’s faults. But balancing both showing and telling also has its merits. Some story details are better given as simplified reports while others are better as detailed, visceral scenes.

Thanks Bridget, I do think you’re right.

Seems to me, the art lies in knowing (learning), when to “show,” and when to “tell.” And, often, both need to be applied, and alternated. I find, when I tell more than I show, my writing often had become lazy—as in using a lead pencil for drawing instead of painting with vibrant colours in oil or pastel. Thanks, Bridget!

You’re right, Danie, alternating these modes creates variety (as the Proulx example shows) and helps to avoid monotony. It’s a pleasure, thank you for reading and weighing in.

In my first draft I don’t bother, I just throw it down. When I go back to edit, that’s when I do the whole show and tell thing. This was great. It’s been a while since I learned about the differences and how to use both to move the story along. Thanks for this.

That’s likely a wise approach, Mimi (although potentially more revision work later). It’s a pleasure, thanks for reading!

I did that for a while and its most of the time better than not writing at all, but be careful because it can create some bad habits. I pretty much had to rewrite more than 10 pages of my current work because it had become lazy writing

This is some prime advice. “Showing” all the time can make a history lose focus on its main events, and “telling” all the time takes drains all the emotion and life from it. Right now im writing a “origins” segment about the main charcater, and changing between “showing” and “telling” can either make it or break it. Thanks for what is the BEST breakdown on this subject that i round on the web

Thank you, I agree on your analysis of the shortcomings of both showing and telling. Thank you for reading and for the kind words.

The articles on this site are always of a high quality, and this one is particularly good.

Any recommendation of a book that teaches in details ‘show, don’t tell’? thanks

Hi Arya, thank you for asking. Ursula K. Le Guin has a great book on writing called Steering the Craft which you can read more about here . There is some info on ‘show, don’t tell’ there. We also have another article on the topic here .

Thankyou this helps a lot

It’s a pleasure, thank you for reading our articles and sharing your feedback.

I rather show and tell information because show and not tell never works.

Hi JT, thanks for sharing that. I’m with Le Guin on both showing and telling having their place – I’d say it’s a question of when to crowd with detail and when to leap over time, events, with passages that demand less detail because they serve other purposes (e.g. transitional sentences that give how we get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ – these favor telling).

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Novel writing ,

Show, don’t tell: what it means and why it matters.

By Harry Bingham

“Show, Don’t Tell” is one of the oldest pieces of advice to new writers, but it can be kinda confusing without some show and tell examples.

What exactly is the difference between Showing and Telling? Is “Showing”  always  right? And is Telling  always  wrong?

As we’ll see, “Show, Don’t Tell” is good advice  in certain circumstances . Not just good advice, in fact, but absolutely essential to any half-decent novel.

At the same time, virtually every novel ever written contains passages that are told, not shown . . . and that’s fine. You just have to understand which mode of writing to use where.

These things get confusing when spoken about in the abstract, so we’ll use plenty of showing vs. telling examples to show you exactly what’s what.

Sounds good? Then let’s motor.

What Is ‘Show, Don’t Tell’?

‘Show, don’t tell’ is a technique authors use to add drama to a novel. Rather than telling readers what’s happening, authors use this technique to show drama unfold on the page. ‘Telling’ is factual and avoids detail; while ‘showing,’ is detailed and places the human subject at the centre of the drama.

Show, Don’t Tell: What This Actually Means

‘Don’t  tell  me the moon is shining.  Show  me the glint of light on broken glass,’ Anton Chekhov once advised.

Here’s an example of what he means:

Telling: The night was cold and moonlit. The sleigh moved fast through the forest. Showing: Ekaterina was shocked by the cold. She’d known winters before, but never this far north and never this deep. Burrowed under furs as she was, she still felt her eyelashes freeze. There were crystals of ice on her face where her own breath had frozen solid. It was a clear night, and they raced through the whispering pines, like a feather drawn over a sheet of silver. It seemed magical. Impossible. Temporary. Forbidden.

What do you notice?

You’ll instantly notice a number of things here.

How To Recognise The “telling” Mode

Any piece of prose written in the “telling” mode:

• Is factual.
• Is an  efficient  way to communicate data.
• Prefers to avoid detail, and is happy to convey broad overarching messages. (“It was cold.”)
• Is not necessarily human-centred, and as a result…
• Does not, in general, stir the heart.

How To Recognise The “showing” Mode

Any piece of prose written in the “showing” mode:

• Is human-centred (usually, though sometimes only by implication).
• Is a slower, richer, more expansive way to communicate.
• Is not efficient – quite the reverse!
• Loves detail.
• Tends to place the human subject right at the centre of things, and as a consequence…
• Can often stir the heart.

An Example Of Showing Vs Telling From Literature

You want an example of showing story from literature? OK, try this:

Telling The parties were dazzling and opulent. They spilled out of the house, into the  garden and even the beach. [That’s my version of how a “telling” version might go.” Showing In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars. … The last swimmers have come in from the beach now and are dressing up-stairs; the cars from New York are parked five deep in the drive … floating rounds of cocktails permeate the garden outside … the lights grow brighter as the earth lurches away from the sun, and now the orchestra is playing yellow cocktail music, and the opera of voices pitches a key higher.

You want to guess which method Scott Fitzgerald used to describe the parties in  The Great Gatsby ? I’ll give you a clue: it wasn’t the first of those ways.

An Extended Example Of Telling Vs Showing

One more example – this one a little bit more extended. The example here comes from my own book,  The Deepest Grave , which I’ve chosen just to make the point that these rules and disciplines apply to all of us. To Scott Fitzgerald. To me. To you.

So, here’s one more example, as before given in in two possible versions.

Telling Bowen, Katie and FIona find a sheet of vellum in an old Welsh church. Showing Bowen lifts the 1953 fish-restaurant newspaper out of the wooden wall box. ‘I suppose that can go.’ He looks glumly at the mess behind the cupboard, knowing that it’ll be his job to clean it. Katie looks into the box, now missing its newspaper floor. Glances once, then looks more sharply. ‘No, that’s not right,’ she says, and starts picking at the bottom with a fingernail. I already looked under the newspaper and saw just the pale, bleached colour of old pine – pine that has never seen the sun – but that was me being dumb. Me not knowing how to see. Katie picks at the bottom and it comes away. A sheet of paper, blank on the upper side, but with writing in clear purplish-black ink on the lower. Latin text. A hard-to-read medieval hand.

I’ve given you quite an extended chunk of ‘showing’ here because quoting at length makes a few further points very clear.

As well as everything we’ve said so far,  Showing:

• Is dramatic  – it’s story told as drama. You could actually imagine the long-form version of the scene above as something played out on a stage or in a movie. Literally every time that you could imagine a piece of writing as a stage or movie play, you are reading something that is shown not told.
• Often involves dialogue . It’s no coincidence. Movies involve actors saying their lines – and again, literally every time you encounter proper dialogue in a book, you are reading a scene that is shown, not told. In the example above, the characters immediately started talking about what they had found, thus emphasising the dramatic quality of the moment.
• Plays out in real time . Take a look one more time at those two passages just above. The first – basically “three people find vellum” – isn’t real time at all. There’s no sense of elapsed time there at all. It’s told like a news report on CNN or the BBC. In the extended passage – the one from my actual book – you could imagine a clock on the wall, counting out the seconds as the scene  elapsed. If you had to make a guess at how long it took from Bowen fishing out the newspaper to Katie finding the vellum, you could actually make a reasonable guess.

These thoughts lead us to the next massive point you have to know about the whole showing / telling thing:

Namely, why people get so obsessed by it.

Show, Don’t Tell: Why It Matters

People get obsessed with showing vs telling. Here’s the reason why.

OK. Here’s a question for you:

Why do readers read books?

That’s a real question, and you should think about your answer.

If you think about it, you’ll probably give me some answer like:

Readers want to get involved in a story.

They want to experience emotion through the lives and adventures of fictional characters.

They want to get swept up in other people’s dramas.

And yes. Exactly.

And to immerse ourselves in the experiences of those characters, we need to feel them as the characters themselves feel them – which is real time, minute by minute .

That’s the whole deal right there.

If you want to get your readers emotionally engaged, you have to plunge them into the drama of the moment. It would be no good Jane Austen  telling us  that “D’Arcy proposed to Lizzy Bennet and Lizzy said no.”

The whole reason we read  Pride & Prejudice  is to be with Lizzy as she experiences that first (awful) proposal. To feel her emotions and reactions almost second by second as she goes through that scene.

Readers always experience the closest emotional contact with their character during scenes that are shown, rather than via facts that are simply reported.

As a matter of fact, I don’t particularly like the “Show, Don’t Tell” mantra for two reasons, the first of which is that Henry James phrased the whole thing better:

“Dramatise! Dramatise! Dramatise!”

That’s so easy and so clear. If you have a patch of writing that seems a little low energy – a little blank, a little dull – then just let those commandments echo in your head.

Those dramatic scenes are all, always, shown not told. Those scenes are what keep your readers reading your novel. Your novel should be formed almost completely of such scenes.

By this point, you’re probably thinking, “Ah, OK, I’ve got this. I see why this is so important. I gotta remember  never  to tell story, and  always  to show story.”

And that’s what some people think. And what some writing tutors teach.

And they’re all wrong. Stick with me, and I’ll tell you why.

“ Show, Don’t Tell ” : Why This Rule Is Sometimes Just Plain Wrong

So far in this post, we’ve looked at – and preferred – examples of writing that were shown rather than told.

We’ve said that showing is more dramatic and more engaging. It’s the way we plunge our readers into the drama of our story . It’s our basic method for getting them to  experience  the emotions of our characters.

And that’s all true. But right at the start of this post, I also said:

• Is an efficient way to communicate data.

And hold on – those things can be good as well as bad, right?

So, sure, if we have some crucial scene – D’Arcy proposing to Lizzy Bennet, or my gang of Bowen, Katie and Fiona finding some vellum in a church – then you have to show that scene, not merely report the action.

But let’s say, you have a line in your book that says:

“Years passed and during that time Yulia hardly ever thought of the incident again. It was gone. It belonged in some past life,to some past self. She was busy now with other things. Only then, one bright, clear day in March . . .”

That’s telling, right? It’s the narrator just reporting stuff, not showing it.

And according to the “Show, Don’t Tell” mantra, telling is bad.

But It Isn’t!

What is telling? Telling is the wrong way to deliver dramatic scenes (which should, of course, compose the vast bulk of your novel),  but it can be great way to deliver information that is essential to your story, but of no great dramatic consequence .

So take that “years passed” passage above. How would you even go about showing all that? Would you really have Yulia waking up day after day, month after month, and year after year, NOT thinking about whatever that past incident was?

Sure, that would be showing not telling . . . but you’d be crazy to do it that way.

The truth here is pretty simple:

If you have essential factual information to deliver, and that information has no dramatic interest in its own right, then just tell it. Don’t try to show it, because you’ll slow your book right down – and probably kill it .

Showing is for drama (and your book should be mostly drama.)

Telling is for the efficient delivery of all the non-dramatic information your book requires.

The way I usually think about it is that my dramatic scenes are the stones in my wall, but for the wall to hold together, to be intact, it needs a little bit of mortar too. The mortar is the glue that holds all the good stuff together.

Yes, there’s a lot more stone than mortar in the wall.

Showing and telling: you always need both.

How To Use  “ Show Don’t Tell ”  in Your Writing

Seven steps to totally awesome greatness

We’ve talked a lot about general principles, but it would be kinda nice to implement them, right?

So here goes with the  7 Ninja Tips of Showing vs Telling Greatness.  You are now officially just one short rocket-ride from success …

1. Use Dialogue

Dialogue always delivers a scene that shimmers with life and emotional movement. (Especially when you  write dialogue  right, of course!) What’s especially great about dialogue is that it makes the reader decode the speaker’s true meaning in exactly the same way that we have to decode it in real life.

So if a character says, “Yes, I’d absolutely love that,” they probably mean that they’d love it … but if it’s a macho guy being invited to get work experience in a make-up boutique, you would probably guess that he’s being sarcastic.

That’s a pretty clumsy example, of course, but the gaps between what a character says and what they really mean can feel really alive to the reader. (And a lot of fun for the writer, too.)

2. Punctuate Your Scene With Actions

Some scenes will punctuate themselves with action very naturally. If you are writing a high intensity scene, such as a battle scene for example, your scene will be naturally studded with big, dramatic activity. But almost all books will have plenty of less action-intense scenes. So, for example, you might have a big corporate meeting in some glossy boardroom. The events being discussed might have huge consequences for your characters and your story … but there’s no onrush of dramatic activity. No cities being set on fire. No Vikings with swords. No car chases. No nothing.

But you still have to include actions .

If you don’t the scene will start to float away from the characters and seem unreal, without anchor. How do you show your story in this instance? What you need to do is insert actions anyway. You actually need to engineer something to punctuate the scene.

So yes, getting up, turning pages, pouring coffee, looking out at the view – all those things count and help — somewhat.

But maybe the corporate mogul at the heart of the action could at some point get angry. Hurl a coffee cup at a wall. Start shredding a binder full of company documents. Those things wouldn’t count for much if you were writing an action-adventure book, but for the kind of scenes you’re talking about, they deliver exactly what you need.

Short message: all scenes need actions, and those actions need to be suited to your place, your characters, and the kind of story you’re writing. Vikings with swords for one kind of book, thrown coffee cups for another.

3. Exploit Your Physical Setting

Actions and dialogue help, because they help keep your characters alive on the page – and alive in the mind of the reader.

For much the same reason, great  descriptions of place  help as well. They anchor everything that’s happening in the scene. That anchoring means that the stuff you’re describing feels like real things happening to real place  in a real location .

Now, I’m not for a moment suggesting that you need to write whole pages of purple prose talking about the wind in the palm trees, or whatever else. What I am saying is that you need a paragraph or so to locate the action relatively early in the scene … and then you need to keep nudging the reader to remind them where you are.

So let’s say your scene is taking place in a rainy New York garden. You’d have two or three sentences setting the scene. (Let’s say: iron railings, rain, noise of police sirens, a sad-looking willow tree, smells and steam coming from the back of a Chinese laundry opposite.) Then you start to let your scene unfurl and, as the characters move and talk and act, you drop in little sentences like, “rain dripped from the willow.” or “She paused to let the howl of a nearby siren pass down the street.”

You’re not interrupting the action. You’re just helping the reader actually visualise it.

4. Make Use Of Your Character’s Physicality

In the example just given, I suggested that you might write “rain dripped from the willow.” And, good, that’s perfectly fine.

But let’s bring your character right into that rainy garden, shall we? So you might have something like this:

“Rain dripped from the willow. Her hair was getting soaked but he couldn’t help noticing that she seemed barely aware of it. And this was Esmee. Esmee who was normally so conscious of the tiniest bit of discomfort or, as she put it, ‘outdoor horribleness.’

That’s effective writing, because you have the physical location and the character interacting – and interacting to a specific emotional / story purpose. In this case, that purpose is to emphasise that Esmee is so taken aback by the events of the scene (whatever those are), she’s stopped noticing stuff that would normally really bother her.

The short moral: use your characters’ body and physical sensations to make them physically present and alive in your scene.

5. Use Specific Words, Not Generic Ones

Another easy win here.

If you are trying to locate a scene in a place that feels real, you want to get specific rather than generic.

So “rain dripped from the tree” feels blandly universal. “Rain dripped from the willow” feels already more specific and immediate.

Sometimes, of course, you’ll want to get really specific. Something like this maybe: “rain dripped from the willow’s long, drooping tendrils. She noticed that the tree was balding, losing leaves, as though unhappy to be here. As though longing for escape.”

I don’t want to suggest you always need to be that specific – sometimes it’s fine for a willow to just be a willow – but in this case, some specific comments about a tree rebound back to hint something about what the character’s might be feeling.

Short moral: always prefer the specific to the generic. And sometimes, if it makes sense, you can get  very  specific.

6. Always Make Space For The Reaction Shot

You know how in the movies, you’ll always get the reaction shot? LIke this, I mean:

Beat 1 : “I don’t want to marry you,” she said. “I never did.”

Beat 2 : Close up of the guy’s face

And it’s kind of obvious why you have those rhythms. If you don’t have the reaction shot, you’ve lost a lot of the drama from the action of beat 1. You need both.

And it’s the same with novels. Sometimes, you’ll need a whole paragraph describing a reaction. Sometimes you’ll leave it to dialogue. Sometimes you’ll make do with hints, but leave plenty of scope for creative ambiguity. And any of those routes (depending on the situation, depending on your story) are fine. What’s not fine is to leave the action without a reaction.

Short moral: always include the reaction shot! Easy.

7. Don’t Be Rushed: Let Readers Feel The Beats

FInal ninja tip of all-out showing & telling awesomeness:

Don’t rush.

Yes, you want to write a compelling and dramatic scene. Yes, you may have your heart set on a whole long action sequence with plenty of gunplay and chase scenes and whatever else.

But let the reader enjoy it! Let them savour the moment!

Don’t say, “the car was out of control. The car careened downhill and struck Damon on the hip, smashing him to the floor.”

That’s OK, but where’s the time to savour anything? The lovely thing about this moment is that Damon notices the car is out of control and he’s right in the firing line.

What does he think? What does he do? What does he feel?

I don’t know, because this author hasn’t told us. It’s slower, yes, but it’s actually more exciting to tease out that moment in more detail:

The car was clearly out of control. Damon could just about see a driver but there was something about the curve of his shoulders, the loll of his head, which suggested the driver had lost consciousness, or worse. The fall of the hill put Damon right in the firing line. He remembered thinking, “I’m going to be hit. I need to move aside.” He probably took the very first part of that action too. Some sideways move. Some break for shelter. But …”

And so on. You can see that by slowing the action down you’ve actually ramped the excitement up. Pretty good, huh? And fun to write, every single damn time.

That’s it from me. Have fun with the showing & telling. Do it right, and your scenes will come alive, and you’ll enjoy writing them too.

Happy writing!

About the author

Harry has written a variety of books over the years, notching up multiple six-figure deals and relationships with each of the world’s three largest trade publishers. His work has been critically acclaimed across the globe, has been adapted for TV, and is currently the subject of a major new screen deal. He’s also written non-fiction, short stories, and has worked as ghost/editor on a number of exciting projects. Harry also self-publishes some of his work, and loves doing so. His Fiona Griffiths series in particular has done really well in the US, where it’s been self-published since 2015. View his website , his Amazon profile , his Twitter . He's been reviewed in Kirkus, the Boston Globe , USA Today , The Seattle Times , The Washington Post , Library Journal , Publishers Weekly , CulturMag (Germany), Frankfurter Allgemeine , The Daily Mail , The Sunday Times , The Daily Telegraph , The Guardian , and many other places besides. His work has appeared on TV, via Bonafide . And go take a look at what he thinks about Blick Rothenberg . You might also want to watch our " Blick Rothenberg - The Truth " video, if you want to know how badly an accountancy firm can behave.

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Show, Don’t Tell: How to Write like a Movie Camera

by Lewis / February 19, 2019 / Editing , Other

What does “show, don’t tell” even mean ?

This ever present piece of writing advice has confounded more than its fair share of beginning writers. It’s found in creative writing classes and workshops, in nearly every guide on how to write, and in countless blogs like this one. Despite this, how do you actually put “show, don’t tell” into practice?

I was just as lost as you for many years. It’s easy to see why showing instead of telling is important in novels―you want your readers to feel engaged with the story and telling produces the same reaction as a dry newspaper article. The question then, is how to make the reader a part of the action— and the answer is, “like a movie camera.”

The True Meaning of Show Don’t Tell

• 1 The True Meaning of Show Don’t Tell
• 2 Why Bother Showing at All?
• 3.1 Let Actions Speak for Themselves:
• 3.2 Avoid Adverbs:
• 3.3 Use Dialog as If It Were Real:
• 3.4 Get Creative with the Details:
• 3.5 Personify Emotions:
• 3.6 Rely on ALL Five Senses:
• 4 The Balancing Act of “Show, Don’t Tell”

Ask yourself— how do movies tell their stories ? In a purely audiovisual art form, the only thing filmmakers can rely on is scenery, dialog, expression, and action.

Essentially, showing!

By training your brain to think of writing the way filmmakers think of filming, you’re also training your brain to show, not tell. The result is an engaged, happy reader, fully invested in the action and surroundings of your story world.

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” – Anton Chekov

Of course, when writing veterans tell you to “show, don’t tell,” it helps to know the difference between those two terms.

Showing: Showing lets the reader experience your story through action, dialog, inner thoughts, and the five senses. For instance “His eyes lit up, and I felt my own face grin in return,” and “The sun beat down on our backs,” are examples of showing. Telling: Telling informs your reader of a detail of your story by stating the information. “He was happy and so was I,” or “It was a sunny day,” are examples of telling.

However, showing versus telling isn’t always as simple as adding a few extra details. Showing can often recontextualize your scene by providing a better picture of the setting and characters.

Showing: The sun beats down on our backs―I can feel the sweat dripping down my forehead and into my eyes. It stings, so I grab the discarded shirt my partner had tossed next to me, scrubbing furiously at my face in frustration. The horses behind us provide a little shade, but their body heat only makes me feel closer to melting. God, I’ve come to hate those smelly animals. I’d rather take my chances alone with the desert sun. Telling: It was a sunny day, and I was sweating from the desert heat.

Think about the difference between these two examples.

Telling only gives you a basic understanding of what’s going on: it’s hot in the desert, and the character is sweating. On the other hand, showing gives you not only the above information but also shows you how the main character is with a partner and their horses, presumably on some adventure, and that he’s on edge. It gives you an idea of his personality without ever telling you he’s an aggressive, rough-around-the-edges sort of guy.

That’s the real power of showing.

Why Bother Showing at All?

The reason showing is such an important skill for novelists is that is allows you, as the author, to guide your reader through your story.

Showing gives you the chance to express movement and action, and lets your reader experience the story as if it was happening around them. They become an active participant in the events of the plot , and soon enough they’ll feel invested in what’s going on.

Telling, on the other hand, is simply passing along information.

Don’t get me wrong, this is an important skill―sometimes you just need to get the facts out there. Still, telling too much makes it hard for your reader to feel like a part of your story’s world. It’s much more like reading a textbook or a newspaper. Showing, on the other hand, requires you to get deep into your story and pull your readers along with you.

Just like a movie camera as it pans through a scene, your readers will create a mental picture of your story world. Your job as the author is to help direct that movie camera, to give your readers the most cinematic experience you can.

“Create a world in front of your readers where they can taste, smell, touch, hear, see, and move. Or else they are likely going to move on to another book.”  ― Pawan Mishra

6 Ways to Write Like a Movie Camera

Let actions speak for themselves:.

By far the simplest way to show readers your story is to let your character’s actions speak for themselves.

When you’re watching a movie, you rarely have a narrator telling you how each character is feeling. Instead, actors use their facial expressions and actions to elaborate on their character. If a character is aggressive, the actor will use harsh movements, throw their weight around, and scowl at others. A nervous character will remain quiet, likely trying to disappear by standing at the edge of the group and hunching their shoulders.

This isn’t limited to main characters either. Every actor in a film, from lead roles to extras, has to use their actions to tell the story. Mobs of people will react with oohs and ahhs while the main character performs a trick, instead of announcing that “they’re excited.” Their response is just as important as the primary characters actions.

What’s true for films should be true for your story as well.

While you have the benefit of exploring your characters’ inner thoughts in your novel, make sure you’re also showing your characters’ emotions and personalities through their behavior.

Showing: When he pushed his way into the saloon everyone fell silent, shrinking back into their chairs as they watched him cross the room. He walked with his chest out, a lopsided sheriff’s star glittering on his coat. His broad shoulders were held square and his crooked eyes scanning across the men who had been enjoying their drinks. He sneered. “Get me a shot of whiskey,” he snarled in the bartender’s direction, and tossed his hat onto a nearby table before sitting down. Telling: When he walked into the saloon, it was obvious that everyone feared him. He asked for a shot of whiskey before dropping his hat on the table and sitting down.

Avoid Adverbs:

One of the fastest ways to spot telling in your writing is to look for adverbs.

Adverbs, like happily, quickly, angrily, and so on, are useful words when writing. However, they also can become a crutch for many writers. Overusing adverbs is far easier than elaborating on a scene, just like telling is far easier than showing. When an actor runs “hastily” through a scene in a movie you don’t just see him running, you also see his labored breath and the sweat coming off his face.

When most people tell you to “show, don’t tell,” they’re probably looking at your use of adverbs. Treat adverbs with caution and try replacing them with stronger words.

Tell your readers he shouted, versus that he said something loudly.

Showing: When the bartender took too long to bring him his drink, he slammed his fist on the table, making the weathered wooden legs shake. “Hurry it up over there!” he shouted. Telling: When the bartender took too long to bring him his drink, he slammed his fist on the table forcefully. “Hurry it up over there!” he said loudly.

Use Dialog as If It Were Real:

Dialog is powerful in novels. Not only does it show your character’s emotions, but it’s also a great way to demonstrate their relationships, thoughts, and personalities.

Think about it: how do we communicate with others in real life? Yes, a lot of our communication is based on our body language and actions, but we also talk. And talk, and talk, and talk! Humans are vocal creatures, and language is how we communicate complex and important ideas. Since most movies don’t have the benefit of narration, they rely on dialog to provide exposition in scenes.

Your novel should function similarly. People with different personalities, backgrounds, thoughts, relationships, and feelings talk differently, and their dialog is a window into those traits. Have your characters talk like real people ―let them tease one another, talk in half sentences, and use slang.

You obviously want their dialog to be understandable, and written dialog will never sound exactly like spoken language.

Still, always try to imagine your dialog coming from the mouths of real people.

Showing: “You know Vincent, maybe today I can get you some water,” the bartender said softly. Vincent sprung out of his chair, which flipped backwards onto the floor with a crack, “The hell’d you say to me old man!?” Telling: “You know Vincent, you’ve been a drunk for years now, and terrorized this town ever since Emily left. You should stop drinking. Let me get you some water,” the bartender said softly. Vincent stood up quickly, “What the hell did you say to me old man?”

As an extra warning, don’t use your dialog as an exposition dump. When two characters who both know what happened 20 years ago spend five minutes explaining to each other what happened 20 years ago, it’s very obvious―and annoying―to your reader. Instead, weave exposition in naturally , through small dialog snippets, thoughts, memories, and settings.

“Now the second common characteristic of fiction follows from this, and it is that fiction is presented in such a way that the reader has the sense that it is unfolding around him… Another way to say it is that though fiction is a narrative art, it relies heavily on the element of drama.”  ― Flannery O’Connor

Get Creative with the Details:

In modern movies, it’s not uncommon to have rather blatant branding deals. This results in characters conspicuously drinking Dr. Pepper, eating a Subway sandwich, or driving a Ferrari―I’m looking at you, Iron Man 3…

However, there are ways to do this tastefully, and it can actually be a huge benefit for your writing. It’s all about using specific details to add context and realism to your novel.

One of the first things an explorer does is name what they find. Because humans are so dependent on language to communicate, the act of naming something lends importance to that object, event, or place. Telling your reader about the Wonderbread in the cupboard or the neighborhood in Queens adds color to your story’s world and makes it feel real. Wonderbread has certain associations, as do specific locations, objects, brands, and historical events.

Of course, not every story you write will take place in 21st century America, but even in a fantasy world , you want to give specifics. Instead of Wonderbread and Queens, the Hobbits of The Lord of the Rings ate Lembas bread and traveled to Minas Tirith.

Their world felt real because it was named.

Showing: In a corner of the Bluewater Saloon, Maxwell watched as Vincent threw his tantrum. He fingered the Colt weighing down his belt, wondering if now was the right time. He couldn’t though… Not when he thought of Miriam and Joshua, and of the chaos that would ensue as Vincent’s men and the honest folk of Bluewater battled it out for control. He couldn’t risk never coming home to them. Telling: In the corner of the saloon, a man watched as the sheriff threw his tantrum. He fingered a revolver and wondered if he should shoot him. But he couldn’t, not with his wife and son in town. He knew chaos would ensue if the sheriff’s men and the residents of the area had to battle for control. He couldn’t risk never coming home.

Personify Emotions:

This is where it starts to be a stretch to compare novels to movies. Movies are about visuals and sounds, relying on action, dialog, music, and setting to reveal the inner lives of their characters. Novels, on the other hand, have the benefit of exploring a character’s inner thoughts directly.

Despite this, writers often struggle with “show, don’t tell” because they don’t know how else to express their characters emotions. “She was happy” might seem like it can only be expressed a few ways. However, by thinking of that happiness as a living creature, a whole wealth of possibilities open up. “She was happy,” becomes “she felt happiness blooming in her chest, crackling like fireworks whenever she saw her child.” Or perhaps “she felt a quiet happiness, a soft buzzing in her ribcage that told her all was well.”

There’s a lot more nuance available when you think of emotions as their own living things, imbuing them with the characteristics of nature, human beings, and other objects.

By using humanity’s natural desire to personify things, you take something abstract and make it tangible.

Showing: Maxwell was torn, despite his reservations. His father had worn that sheriff’s star when he was a boy, but he had refused that same honor. As a result, he and his neighbors were stuck under Vincent’s thumb, and guilt had eaten away at his otherwise calm demeanor. As he watched Vincent snarl in the face of the wrinkled bartender that guilt grew into something more. Rage took hold of him, and thoughts of Miriam and Joshua’s safety faded further from his mind. His Colt felt hot in his hand. Telling: Maxwell was unsure, despite his reservations. His father had worn that sheriff’s star when he was a boy, but he had refused that same honor. As a result, he and his neighbors were stuck under Vincent’s thumb, and he felt guilty. As he watched Vincent snarl in the face of the wrinkled bartender, his guilt turned into rage. His Colt felt hot in his hand.

Rely on ALL Five Senses:

Much like personifying emotions, relying on all five senses in a movie is much more difficult than in a novel. However, I;m not giving up on this metaphor just yet, so bear with me. 🙂

The final key to applying the wisdom of “show, don’t tell” in your writing it to use all of your character’s senses to tell your story. Think of yourself as a 4D movie camera, somehow possessing the ability to pick up smell, touch, and taste alongside the usual sight and sound.

“Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It’s like a sixth sense. Giles: Well, actually, that would be one of the five.” ― Mutant Enemy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

When you tell your readers what breakfast tastes like, what a cool summer breeze smells like, or what the rough fur of an alley cat feels like, you’re engaging them even further in the world of your story. Taking that to a higher level, your characters should be equally engaged in that world. If they were real people, how would they react to the sensations around them? If a loud plane flew overhead, you can bet they’d look up. Perhaps they’d cover their ears, or raise their voices over the noise.

By showing (hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling) your story to your reader, while also showing how your characters are reacting to the world around them, you’re creating a story world that feels intensely real.

While this may seem like one of the simplest ways to show in your writing, you’d be shocked how easy it is to overlook all five of our senses.

Showing: Suddenly Maxwell heard the crackling of lightening, and a haze of smoke drifted across his face. He smelled the gunpowder before he heard the shouts of the other men, and as he stood up in horror, he felt the Colt hanging lifeless on his belt. Still, he had to question if it was his bullet that tore through the room a second earlier. Through the haze he saw Vincent’s body hunched across the bar, and to his right a boy holding a trembling revolver in his hands. Eli, the bartender’s grandson, stood on the stairs, a light smattering of blood freckling his pale face, the whites of his eyes reflecting the light. Maxwell had to get him out of there… Before Vincent’s men came… Before hell crawled its way up to earth and burned this town to the ground. Telling: Suddenly, Maxwell heard a gunshot. He stood up, but the Colt was still on his belt. Still, he had to question if it was him who shot Vincent. Across the room, he saw Vincent’s body hunched over the bar, and to the right he saw a boy holding a revolver. Eli, the bartender’s grandson, stood on the stairs. Maxwell had to get him out of here… Before Vincent’s men came.

The Balancing Act of “Show, Don’t Tell”

Now, as you’ve been reading this article, I’m sure you’ve noticed a big difference between the examples of showing and telling. Showing results in much longer passages. It requires description and lots of time , both to write and for your reader to read. So, here’s my advice―take “show, don’t tell” with a grain of salt.

Yes, I know that sounds strange considering you just read all about why you should show, not tell. The key to that advice, however, is balance. Telling has its place in novels, just like showing does. There will be passages where you need to convey the passing of time, get across simple ideas, discuss backstory, cut the fluff, and create transitions―all of which require telling.

While showing is vital to an engaging novel, telling is equally vital to a novel that doesn’t drag.

When writing your novel here are a few things to keep in mind to help strike a balance:

#1: In movies the scenery becomes background noise while the action and characters are the focus. Strike a similar balance in your novel. When introducing a place, take the time to show it. From then on, don’t be afraid to call it by name. #2: Only show details that matter most. In a scene where there are five things to show, pick the two that will best illustrate your story. #3: Don’t ignore showing during action scenes, but keep your prose concise to maintain the pacing. #4: When writing your first draft focus on getting the words on paper. Then go back while self-editing to infuse your novel with showing.

Above all, honor your own personal writing style.

If you’re happy with your writing and believe it’s working, go for it! The literary masters didn’t become geniuses by following the trend, no matter what some may say. 🙂

What tricks do you use to write better stories? Let me know in the comments!

Thoughts on show, don’t tell: how to write like a movie camera.

Thanks for explaining the difference. It really helps with me being a first time author. I often have trouble with showing rather than telling. It helps to see the scene like a movie director to the pan camera across the dusty wild wild west.

Thank you so much for making some of these concepts more clear for those of us who are still learning the writer’s vocabulary Lewis. Super work!

WOW! Finally, someone has explained this to me in a way that is easy to understand and not vague. Thank you.

You’re very welcome Deborah! 🙂 I’m glad I was able to help.

This is a really great article. I really struggle with this aspect of writing, so articles like this are very helpful.

I’m glad to hear it helped you Lindsey!

Excellent article on Show don’t Tell. Six Ways to Write Like a Movie Camera. As a published author of five mysyery/supense novels, I initially used the technique of writing my first novel as if I was watching a movie. I didn’t read any articles about this technique. It seemed easier to for me to show and not tell my story. When I talk with novice writers, I also tell them to visualize their story through the eyes of a movie camera.

I’m glad to hear the article was helpful for you Gregory! It really is quite an intuitive way of thinking about storytelling, especially in such a movie and TV saturated world. 🙂

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Writing Tips: Show, Don’t Tell

by Melissa Donovan | Sep 28, 2023 | Writing Tips | 34 comments

Show don’t tell — what does that mean?

The first time I heard the advice “show, don’t tell,” I was young and it confused me.

Show what? Isn’t writing all about telling a story?

At the time, I shrugged it off as some kind of mysterious double-talk, but the phrase kept popping up: show, don’t tell .

It rolled off my teachers’ tongues. I spotted it in books and articles on the craft of writing. A couple of times, it appeared in red on my papers with an arrow pointing to a specific sentence or paragraph. Then I took a poetry class and had a big aha moment where show, don’t tell became abundantly clear.

In poetry studies, we talk a lot about imagery. This poem has vivid imagery. What a great image! The images in the first stanza don’t go with the images in the second stanza . This kind of talk didn’t make sense to me either. Images in poems? We’re supposed to be writing, not drawing!

The irony, of course, is that my writing was packed with imagery; I was more prone to showing than telling. Nevertheless, the phrasing of these writing tips perplexed me.

Since then, I’ve worked with plenty of young and new writers who have expressed embarrassment at having to admit they’re not sure what show, don’t tell  means.

Show, Don’t Tell

Show, don’t tell  is often doled out as writing advice, and it frequently appears on lists of writing tips. It even has its own Wikipedia page ! Along with the advice “write what you know” and “know your audience,” it’s one of those writing-related adages that deserves some explanation because it seems counterintuitive and raises a bunch of questions.

Yet it’s actually a simple concept. Ironically, the best way to explain it is to show, rather than tell, what it means, and I don’t think anybody’s done that better than Anton Checkhov:

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.  – Anton Chekhov (source:  Goodreads )

Oh, I Get It

I once heard a lecturer give a talk about love, and he made a good point: it’s not enough to tell someone you love them; you have to show people that you love them through your actions.

We can apply the same concept to writing.

You can tell your readers that two characters met and were instantly attracted to each other, or you could show the characters meeting, making eye contact, and checking each other out. He gulps, she bats her eyelashes, and readers get the picture.

When you show , you’re using words to create a scene that readers instantly visualize. Instead of intellectually registering what you’re telling them, they fully imagine what you’re showing them.

We can turn Checkhov’s explanation into a writing exercise in which we show, don’t tell  readers our ideas:

Now you try it. Think of some simple ideas that you could show readers instead of telling them.

Are there any writing tips that you hear frequently but don’t quite grasp? Share your thoughts and questions by leaving a comment, and make sure when you’re writing, you show, don’t tell .

34 Comments

I couldn’t stop Hoovering up the scraps of Melissa’s perfect ideas from the electronic floor of her blog. She had me at “Show.” When she came to the part about integrating the essential elements of poetry with my prose, my mouth drew up like a baby’s smile in front of his favorite mirrored toy. “She gets it,” repeated the little man in my head. She understands the secrets of my short story universe, where less is more. I love her more than any blogger can. You see, Melissa is my literary lover from another mother, a paragon of poesy and prose. Like a Smoky Mountain Plott Hound, I salivate over the microscent of her every utterance, adrift on the Appalachian autumn breeze as it rustles the hickories. We speak the same language, Melissa and me. We show … and don’t ever tell.

Well shown, Wayne! I got a kick out of reading this delightful comment. Thanks for your kind words.

Great advice, Melissa. I’ve struggled with understanding this concept in my head in the past. You did an extraordinary job laying it out clearly for me. If I ever get confused again I can always just swing back by this post be good to go. I don’t really have anything to add to it, because I think you covered everything! Nice post…

Thanks, Tim. I grappled with “show, don’t tell” many years ago, but once it clicks, it sticks.

This is a fine article, and I don’t mean to nitpick, but to me it seems that the chart you are using at the end of the piece has labeled the “show” parts as the “tell” parts and vice-verca. Unless I am not viewing the chart correctly. I thought I should at least point that out.

Thanks, all fixed!

Excellent article with first class advice.

You’ve made the most difficult part quite simple.

Thanks, Stephen. I’ve thought about addressing this (and other, similar writing advice) but felt that it’s such a common tip — what could I possibly add? Then I realized that the reason it’s common advice is because it’s good advice, and a lot of people don’t quite get it, so I attempted to explain it and make it easy.

Excellent advice and reminder, Melissa. I can never get enough examples of “showing.” It’s so easy to tell and so challenging to show and do it well, without cliches.

I find that I do a lot of telling when I write rough drafts and outlines. It works out well because I can slow down and focus on showing when I’m shaping and revising the poems and stories that I’m working on. Thanks, Bill!

Aw yes, one of the first few things I learned in Creative Writing class. Thanks for the reminder. That chart reaffirmed that I’ve been doing it right. I don’t know why, but I felt like I was over writing when I took the time to explain the physical cues that expressed a character’s emotion, but that’s what I was supposed to be doing after all lol.

I got confused. Probably because I’ve been reading Twilight (due to a challenge my friends gave me)*, and Stephanie Meyer does a lot of telling instead of showing. And although the book reads at a good pace, it sometimes slows down due to telling instead of showing. Just one of the many critiques I’ll have for it when I release a proper review.

*Here’s a video of my fake review of Twilight presenting the challenge of reading it for educational purposes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDxcmctUXNM [warning: contains foul language]

I’d appreciate your opinion on that if you so choose to watch it, Melissa, or anyone else on here who frequent the comment sections 😀

I do think showing can be overdone. It’s rare, but I’ve worked with writers who gloss over key elements and then spend a lot of time showing less important elements, so we have be discerning in how we apply this writing concept. But for the most part, I think the world needs more showing and less telling. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Marlon.

Oh, I will be ever so grateful for your splendid explanation of Show, Don’t Tell in the wonderful, colorful world of writing! Makes my heart go back to the vivid imagination of the classic Anne (remember, it’s Ann with an “e”) of Green Gables. Anne could really show a story! Thanks!

I read many of the Anne books when I was a kid. That was a long time ago, and I must confess that I don’t remember the details of those stories, but I do remember that I enjoyed them. I guess I was more of a “Little House” reader (because I read those books over and over!). I wouldn’t mind revisiting all those books from my childhood. So many books, so little time!

You got some really good examples here!

As someone that wrote for stage in college, I really took this to heart. Since I did get to watch what I wrote read or performed out loud by other people, I got immediate feedback on what came across and what did not. That really reinforced the importance of “show, don’t tell” in my mind. It was interesting to see the idea sink in gradually for new writers that joined the group as they got more and more used to (and aware of) the format. Yes, I still cringe a little bit when I see “Derek thought to himself for a little bit, and realized that he had said this very same thing in the previous scene”.

Thanks, Kelvin. Your stage and performance experience always brings a unique perspective to the writing concepts that I discuss here. For those of us who don’t write for the stage or screen, it’s great insight. I hadn’t thought about how showing instead of telling would manifest in a live performance.

I’ve always loved that Chekov quote. I think of it whenever my writing gets too “talky”.

I think it’s one of the best quotes on writing. Definitely a keeper!

what would be show writing for ”The cheeseburger is delicious.” ? help please!!

Well, it all depends on context. If this is dialogue and a character is telling another character how good the cheeseburger is, then it’s fine the way it is. If the fact that the cheeseburger is delicious is of great importance to the story and you want to show the reader that it’s a delicious cheeseburger, you might want to do something like this:

As he bit into the cheeseburger, his eyes rolled back in delight. He chewed slowly, savoring the taste, oblivious to the grease trickling down his chin.

This was a great piece, it was very helpful. I did not really understand the show not tell quote but now you have made it very clear and I thank you very much for that! Also the quote was great!! I have had a lot of inspiration for writing because of anime I’ve watched and manga I’ve read. When I see a great character when I’m either reading or watching, I want to create my own story and my own characters and immerse readers into my novel. I’m not sure if I should take a BA in Eng Lit and CW, what sort of things would I be able to do with the degree? & does it really help your writing?

Thank you Ibrahim

Thanks, Ibrahim. Earning a BA in English and creative writing definitely helped my writing. I think each student will have a different experience, but for me, developing a habit of writing and being surrounded by other writers was priceless. There are many jobs that seek employees with a degree, regardless of major. An English degree is common among teachers, but if you study creative writing, it can also be useful in any field where writing skills are valuable: technical or medical writing, game scripting, editing, and various office jobs. Good luck to you!

This is a superb post!

There is something that always baffles me as a writer too, that is the issue of ‘Know your audience’ as you(Melissa) have also mentioned on your post. I don’t really think that you(as a writer) have to think the way your readers or audience read your work. Because many at times, we find lazy heads using good books to portray as though they are boring books, or some times it is the other way round. So, I feel considering your reader is not suppose to be in your frame picture when writing.

Anyway, it is just my little observation and experience as a developing writer, if somethings are to be corrected for me please help…

Hi Numanu. While I respect your opinion, I would have to disagree. I believe writing, at its heart, is a form of communication. As writers, our job is to communicate with readers. Whether we’re communicating ideas, information, or stories, the burden is on us to make sure that we are communicating clearly and effectively. Many writers believe in placing the burden on the reader; they don’t think it’s our job to communicate clearly–they think it’s the reader’s job to parse our words and figure out what we’re trying to say. I just happen to disagree with that approach for myself and my readers. I want my readers to immerse themselves in what I’m saying instead of getting hung up on dissecting my sentences and paragraphs.

But knowing your audience is not merely about communicating clearly. Let’s say you write science fiction. It’s important to understand what readers of that genre expect and want. If you write marketing copy, it’s important to understand what customers are looking for. If you write a blog post, it’s important to understand what your subscribers want to know or learn. Knowing your audience is also about readers being your customers and delivering what they need.

awesome post! Show vs tell is the classic rule of thumb and should never be ignored. Whenever I feel like I am doing excessive telling, I will stop what I and doing and do an exercise on showing. It helps tremendously. I think the problem people have after that is knowing when to show and when to tell. Too much of either will ruin the pace in my opinion.

You make a good point, Logan: it is important to know when to show and when to tell. While most writers lean toward telling when they should be showing, I have on many occasions in my editing work come across authors who write out full scenes showing action and dialogue that would be better summed up in a single sentence. We need to be cognizant of whether the reader wants or needs to sit through scenes like those and always ask whether each scene is essential to the story.

How about your thoughts on third person points of view – limited, objective and omniscient. Which do you prefer and how would you use them?

I don’t have a personal preference for point of view. Different points of view work for different writers and different stories. For example, if you want to make a story feel immediate and focused on the protagonist, limited works well. But some narratives need the flexibility to follow different characters, so omniscient is the better choice. And some authors are more comfortable or skilled at writing in certain points of view. Great question!

Now it makes sense! Thank You SO Much Melissa.

You’re welcome! I’m glad you found this helpful.

Hi Melissa,

Thank you for writing this article— the concept of “Show, Don’t Tell” makes more sense to me now.

However, I realized that I never really enjoyed reading books that incorporated this writing method. In your examples, I feel as if by not stating the fact— the author’s assumptions about stereotypes is revealed. The writing feels less than multi-dimensional, and I lose interest.

How would a writer combat this?

I appreciate any help you can provide.

Thanks for commenting, Karen. I’m so glad this post offered some clarity on “show, don’t tell.” Maybe I can clarify further. The concept of showing is primarily used in fiction writing, so it’s not a question of stating a fact. The idea is to describe what is happening in the scene in a way that the reader can easily visualize. You “show” them what’s happening by using descriptive language. When dealing with facts (perhaps journalism), we’d be more likely to use “telling.” However, even a journalist can “show” what happened if they witnessed it. I’m not sure what you mean about stereotypes.

Show don’t tell is a challenge for many aspiring writers. I catch myself many times failing to get it right.

According to Grammarly passive verbs is another of my short comings. R.G. Ramsey

All of these things just take practice. Stick with it, and you’ll do fine.

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A Guide To Show Don’t Tell In Writing

A piece of advice that many writers will hear in their careers is to show, don’t tell . But what does this so-called writing rule mean and how can we master it?

In this guide, we’re going to unpack showing instead of telling to help you elevate your writing so it’s appealing to readers, agents and publishers.

We’ll look at some examples of showing vs telling from some bestselling books, and offer some crucial pieces of advice on fixing your writing so that there’s more compelling action and description.

You can jump through the guide by using the menu below.

What Is Show Don’t Tell In Writing And What Does It Mean?

The science behind showing vs telling, what’s the difference between showing and telling, showing vs telling examples, examples of show don’t tell in famous books, why is it bad to tell instead of show, when is telling a story fine, how to show and not tell: 5 easy tips.

Let’s start with the basics. In the context of writing, telling a story means that you explain what happens rather than show it through vivid description and action. For example, you could summarize how a character feels rather than show it through their behavior. When it comes to descriptions, you could state, for example, what the moon looks like , or descirbe how its ethereal glow makes the character feel. The former is more boring to read than the latter.

As a general rule, stories that are shown tend to be more exciting and engaging to read. Stories that are merely told tend to be a little dull.

Let’s look at the science behind this.

Showing and not telling in writing engages readers by tapping into their sensory and emotional experiences. Neuroscience research shows that descriptive, sensory-rich language activates multiple brain regions, including the sensory cortex and motor areas, making stories more immersive ( Hauk, Johnsrude, & Pulvermüller, 2004 ). This technique also triggers mirror neurons, fostering empathy and emotional connection with characters ( Iacoboni, 2009 ).

Studies reveal that sensory details enhance memory retention through dual-coding, where information is stored both verbally and visually ( Sadoski, Goetz, & Fritz, 1993 ). And on top of this, vivid imagery sustains attention and engagement ( Cupchik et al., 1998 ), and helps readers actively construct mental images, enriching the reading experience ( Zwaan, Stanfield, & Yaxley, 2002 ).

So as you can see, including sensory details and vivid imagery in writing leverages cognitive and neurological mechanisms, making stories more engaging, memorable, and emotionally resonant. That’s powerful and can’t be ignored. Let’s dive deeper into the subject.

In his book, Stein On Writing , Sol Stein provides a very helpful guide on something writers so often hear about: show, don’t tell . The quote above neatly sums up the difference between the two approaches.

Do you remember asking someone, a family member perhaps, to tell you a story? It’s almost as if we’ve been conditioned to tell rather than show.

We’ve moved into a visual age with the likes of TV, film, and YouTube dominating our lives. People want to see a story, they want to experience it, to escape from their own world and go on adventures their own lives do not allow.

And this is why, as a writer in our contemporary age, showing a story instead of telling it is becoming more important than ever.

Stein, a master editor of some of the most widely-read books in the world, states that a failure to show the story is one of the chief reasons for rejecting manuscripts.

So, the difference between showing a story rather than telling it is that the former approach is more visually appealing, whereas the latter can be a little dull for the reader —they’re simply fed information.

So now we know what showing instead of telling is, let’s reinforce the theory with some examples:

Telling : She was scared. Showing : Her hands trembled, and her breath came in quick, shallow gasps as she glanced around the dark alley.

Telling : He was angry. Showing : His face turned crimson, and his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

Telling : It was a beautiful day. Showing : The sun shone brightly in a clear blue sky, birds sang cheerfully, and a gentle breeze carried the scent of blooming flowers.

Telling : She felt sad. Showing : Tears welled up in her eyes, and she stared out the window, the corners of her mouth drooping as she hugged her knees to her chest.

Telling : He was tired. Showing : He rubbed his eyes and yawned, his shoulders slumping as he dragged his feet with each step.

Telling : The room was messy. Showing : Clothes were strewn across the floor, empty soda cans cluttered the desk, and a pile of dirty dishes towered precariously in the sink.

Telling : She was excited. Showing : Her eyes sparkled, and she bounced on her toes, clapping her hands together in glee.

Telling : He was nervous. Showing : He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and glanced repeatedly at his watch, biting his lower lip.

Telling : The food was delicious. Showing : The rich aroma of garlic and herbs wafted from the dish, and the first bite melted in her mouth, bursting with savory, mouth-watering flavors.

Telling : The car was old. Showing : The car’s paint was faded and chipped, the seats were worn and torn, and the engine coughed and sputtered when he turned the key.

These examples demonstrate how “showing” instead of “telling” can create more vivid and engaging scenes for readers. As you can see, the technique draws readers deeper into the narrative by appealing to their five senses and emotions, making the story more immersive and impactful.

So you may want to learn how to tackle any instances of telling in your story. Let’s take a look at how some of the great writers of our time have achieved this:

Catcher In The Rye by JD Salinger

Instead of telling the reader that the main character, Holden, is feeling depressed and lonely, the author shows us through his actions. For example, Holden spends a night wandering around New York City, trying to find someone to talk to and feeling increasingly disconnected from the people around him.

“I was sort of crying. I don’t know why. I put my red hunting hat on, and turned the peak around to the back, the way I liked it, and then I yelled at the top of my goddam voice, ‘Sleep tight, ya morons!’ I’ll bet I woke up every bastard on the whole floor. Then I got the hell out. Some stupid guy had thrown peanut shells all over the stairs, and I damn near broke my crazy neck.”

Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone by JK Rowling

It doesn’t matter if you’re writing fantasy or writing a crime novel, showing the action is important. Let’s look at an example from one of the most popular fantasy books written.

Instead of telling the reader that Harry is overwhelmed by the wizarding world, the author shows us through his reactions. For example, when Harry first enters Diagon Alley, he is awestruck by the sights and sounds around him, demonstrating his wonder and excitement. Here’s an extract:

“The shops became more cramped, the streets darker, and dirtier. The houses were leaning crookedly over the street, and at the tops of the windows, odd things were sticking out, as if the inhabitants had forgotten to take them indoors. And then, as they turned into a wide, cobbled street, full of shops with brightly colored fronts, Harry’s heart began to race.”

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Let’s look at another example of show don’t tell from one of my favorite books: To Kill A Mocking Bird. Instead of telling the reader that Scout is curious and adventurous, the author shows us through her actions. For example, Scout and her brother, Jem, sneak into their neighbor’s yard to try and catch a glimpse of the mysterious Boo Radley, demonstrating their curiosity and bravery. Here’s an excerpt:

“Jem threw open the gate and sped to the side of the house, slapped it with his palm and ran back past us, not waiting to see if his foray was successful. Dill and I followed on his heels. Safely on our porch, panting and out of breath, we looked back. Across the street, Miss Rachel was out on her front steps in the dewy coolness, waving genially at the world.”

Through this passage, we see Scout and Jem’s curiosity and bravery as they sneak around their neighborhood, trying to uncover the secrets of Boo Radley.

The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald

Instead of telling the reader that Gatsby is in love with Daisy, the author shows us through his actions. For example, Gatsby throws elaborate parties in the hope that Daisy will attend, demonstrating his desire to be close to her.

“Every Friday five crates of oranges and lemons arrived from a fruiterer in New York – every Monday these same oranges and lemons left his back door in a pyramid of pulpless halves.” (Chapter 3).

Through Gatsby’s actions of ordering crates of oranges and lemons for Daisy, the reader can see his desire to impress her and create the perfect atmosphere for their reunion.

The Hobbit By JRR Tolkien

JRR Tolkien was a master of showing action instead of telling, and he used this technique extensively in his works. Here are a few examples of showing action instead of telling from “The Hobbit”. Instead of telling us about Bilbo’s home, Tolkien shows us by describing its details:

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.”

Through the description of the hobbit-hole, the reader can visualize Bilbo’s home as a comfortable and cozy place.

Here’s another brilliant example. Instead of telling us about the Battle of the Five Armies, Tolkien shows us through the characters’ actions and dialogue:

“They hacked and hewed at the spiders’ webs, and in the end they all managed to creep out one by one into the daylight. … Swords flashed in the sunlight.”

Through the characters’ actions of fighting and the description of the sunlight flashing off their swords, the reader can feel the intensity of the battle and the triumph of the characters.

Why is it regarded as bad writing to tell a story, then?

Well, as we’ve eluded to above, it can be dull for a reader.

When an author chooses to tell a story rather than show it through vivid sensory details and descriptions , actions, and dialogue , they inadvertently strip away the very essence of literary immersion. The reader, instead of being an active participant in the story, is relegated to a passive observer. The impact of this shift is threefold and significantly hampers the reading experience.

Firstly, the emotional connection between the reader and the characters is weakened. In the absence of dynamic scenes that allow readers to witness characters’ experiences firsthand, they are left bereft of the opportunity to empathize and form a genuine bond.

It is through showing that readers can witness the subtleties of facial expressions, body language, and the intricate interplay of emotions. Without these visual cues, the characters become distant and unrelatable, undermining the reader’s investment in their journey.

Secondly, the absence of a tangible setting diminishes the richness and authenticity of the story world. Descriptive passages not only transport readers to far-off lands and exotic locales but also provide a sensory experience that engages their imagination .

By merely telling, the author neglects to paint vivid pictures, and the reader is deprived of the sights, sounds, smells, and textures that bring the narrative to life. The result is a flat, two-dimensional world that fails to ignite the reader’s senses or kindle their curiosity.

Lastly, telling a story often leads to a loss of narrative tension and suspense . Effective storytelling is an interplay of anticipation, revelation, and gradual unfolding. Through the artful depiction of events, conflicts, and their resolutions, the reader is held in a state of eager anticipation, yearning to discover what lies beyond the next page. However, when an author resorts to summarizing events or explaining them at a distance, the inherent drama and tension are sapped away. The reader is denied the thrill of being on the edge of their seat, turning pages with bated breath, as the story’s twists and turns unfold before their eyes.

Sol Stein highlights three main areas in which writers become ensnared by telling:

• Backstory – telling the reader what’s happened before the story begins. Stein is of the view that such information should be shown either in a narrative summary or in a rather controversial flashback.
• Telling what a character looks like. This is a tricky one. Instead of just saying, for example, a character is tall, look to show it. “He had to stoop under every doorway”, for instance.
• Telling what a character sees, hears, smells, touches, tastes, and feels on an emotional level . We’ll go into more detail with this below.

Telling does have its place.

At times, shortcuts become necessary, particularly when you need to provide a quick and straightforward explanation without any elaborate descriptions or immersive experiences for your readers.

Authors often resort to “telling” at the outset of a story to convey the exposition or after a significant revelation where specific details require clear articulation. Maintaining a balance between showing and telling is crucial to ensure you do not have an excess of either in your writing.

Let’s turn our attention to some practical writing techniques and tips to help you master the art of showing intead of telling.

1. Dialogue

Let’s start with an easy pointer—dialogue. A character should avoid telling another character something they already know . It’s intrusive and lazy. Here’s one of Stein’s examples:

“Henry, your son the doctor is at the door.”

This sentence is just … urgh. Forced to hell. Conveys no imagery whatsoever. See what you think of this version:

“Do you think Herny would look more like a doctor if he grew a beard?”

Now, this is better. We have an image of a beardless man and the detail of him being a doctor has been shown to us rather than just told.

2. Characterizing Through Showing Action

Another thing to try so as to avoid telling in your writing is to look to include characterization . The best writers reveal what their characters are about without actually telling you anything about them. Let’s look at one of Stein’s examples of a woman who loves her children dearly:

“Helen was a wonderful woman, always concerned about her children.”

Very ‘tell-y’. It’s a bland description, devoid of imagery. See what you think of this version:

“When Helen drove her children to school she insisted on parking up and with one in each hand, accompanied them to the door.”

Here we’re shown a clear image of how much Helen loves her children. This one sentence reveals how much she cares without any mention of it. We can picture her walking them right up to the door, kissing them goodbye.

But it leaves the reader scope to ask questions which in turn draws them deeper into the tale. Is Helen too loving? Will she ever let her children grow up? We’ve been given the tools to ascertain, to judge, what she’s about. If you can work characterisation into your descriptions you’re doing it right!

3. Don’t Worry About Sentence Length

You’ll no doubt notice that when showing instead of telling sentences tend to be longer , and that’s fine! Let’s have a gander at this example:

“Neil felt anxious.”

Dull as anything. How about this?

“Every sound Neil heard, even the slightest scuff, caused him to spin round in the direction from which he thought it had come.”

Saying someone is anxious is easy. Showing it is a skill. And in showing actions we reveal how characters feel. This helps with characterisation too, because we get a sense of what this character does and how this character reacts when they experience such emotions.

Stein provides another excellent example, which he takes from Pulitzer prize-winner, John Updike. Instead of merely saying his character, Polly, loves swimming, Updike, with eloquence, says:

“With clumsy jubilance, Polly hurtled her body from the rattling board and surfaced grinning through the kelp of her own hair.”

Here we see that Polly is grinning as she surfaced, and coupled with the clumsy jubilance we get the impression that Polly is loving what she’s doing. I love that metaphor at the end: ‘the kelp of her own hair.’

4. Be Specific

One key ingredient to helping you show instead of tell is specificity . If you’re precise in your descriptions it gives you the power to show what you’re seeking to describe rather than merely telling the reader about it.

Looking at John Updike’s piece about Polly above, the reference to the ‘kelp of her own hair’ is one of the great examples of show not tell.

Think About Your Own Reactions

A good way to overcome telling is to highlight an emotion a character is feeling and then think of what you yourself do when you feel the same way. We often do things without thinking about them.

Nervousness is a good example of this. When I feel nervous I tend to bite my nails or fidget. My palms can become quite clammy too. Instead of just saying a character is nervous, show these physical reactions!

Don’t worry about not using the word ‘nervous’. You’ve shown that emotion. Trust your reader to draw their own conclusions.

5. Use Metaphors, Similes And The 5 Senses

Using metaphors and similes is a great way to aid your showing efforts. A good simile or metaphor can say a lot with very little.

Our sight is one of, if not the main way we learn. I find particularly with the fantasy genre if you’re trying to describe something original it helps to make references to relatable things, though this can be quite tricky when you’re making up a whole new fucking world!

George Orwell encouraged the use of metaphors and similes and provided some helpful and snappy advice when it comes to thinking of them:

“Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.”

What Orwell is essentially saying is, don’t use clichés. Try to be original. One way you can do this is to use the 5 senses in your writing , especially when describing places and experiences. Other approaches to writing prose can help you achieve something unique too, but try to avoid doing so at the expense of clarity, which was Orwell’s prime aim with writing.

6. A Handy Infographic On When To Show And Not Tell

If you’d like more examples of show don’t tell, I thought you might find this infographic useful. Thanks to the folks at The Write Practice for developing this!

Use A Show, Don’t Tell Checklist

If you still need a hand mastering your showing instead of telling, Stein provides a helpful little checklist of questions you can ask yourself:

• Are you allowing the reader to see what’s going on?
• Does your author’s voice stray into the narrative at any point? If so, can you silence that voice with action? It’s through telling that the author’s voice intrudes.
• Are you naming emotions instead of conveying them by actions?
• Is any character telling another what they already know?

Always check to see if your descriptions are visual. Does your prose evoke imagery?

I hope this guide on the rule of show don’t tell in writing has proven useful. If you need any more writing tips and advice, please get in touch .

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How to Show, Not Tell – 7 Creative Writing Dos and Don’ts

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Surely, you’ve heard your teachers go on about ‘show, not tell’. But what do they really mean? And, how do you do it? In this article, we will show you the essential seven creative writing dos and don’ts for showing and not telling.

How to ‘Show, not tell’ – Creative writing dos and don’ts

What does show, not tell mean.

• Why is Show, Not Telling important?
• Rely on the five senses
• Use dialogue
• Describe actions, body language, and reactions
• Use active voice
• Use adverbs
• Write emotions-words or abstract words
• Over-explain

‘Show, not tell’ (also known as ‘show, don’t tell’) is helpful writing advice that encourages students to show actions, emotions, and experiences, as opposed to simply telling your readers what is happening.

For example, don’t simply tell your readers ‘the weather is hot’, describe how it feels and what it looks like this:

The shade under the post office’s awning was somewhat bearable, but stepping out into the midday sun was a whole other story. My poorly-chosen cardigan came off faster than you could say “it’s unbearable!”.

See how much more meaningful and engaging this sounds? We can visualise the extent of the sun’s heat, instead of simply thinking that it’s hot. We also get a peek of who and where our character is.

Remember, ‘showing’ is all about uncovering what is happening and letting the audience piece things together. ‘Telling’ is simply recounting exactly what is happening without much description.

We know that distinguishing between the two can seem frustrating at first. However, once you get the hang of it, using ‘show, not tell’ will be second nature to you! That’s why we’re going to show you the seven dos and don’ts to ‘show, not tell’.

Why is showing, not telling so important?

‘Show, not tell’ relies on sensory descriptions, emotions, and actions to paint a picture in the reader’s mind, instead of quickly stating the facts of what is happening.

This storytelling process creates a more engaging read for the audience and allows them to build a deeper connection with the text.

Remembering to ‘show, not tell’ draws your readers into the story and lets them experience things in your character’s shoes.

This process also leaves room for interpretation and allows your readers to think for themselves! They can pick up clues from your writing and piece together the descriptions of emotions or senses.

Telling doesn’t allow this to happen. Telling simply tells your audience what they should think. It is much less engaging because minimal visualisation is required.

How to show, not tell – Dos:

Now that you know what ‘show, not tell’ means and why it’s important, let’s go through the four things you need to do to ‘show, not tell’.

1. Rely on the five senses

One of the easiest ways to ‘show, not tell’ is to rely on the five senses to describe what is happening in the story. This will help your readers use their imagination to visualise the world.

The five senses include:

• E.g. It was the most intense swell of the season. Following the relentless downpour that battered Sydney’s streets and turned the beaches to slush, the tide coming in was so brown it could have been mistaken for the Brisbane River.
• E.g. The oldest competitor sat at the ripe old age of twelve. In anticipation for the next competitive pianist to grace us with the dulcet sounds of Mozart, the conservatorium’s concert hall was so quiet you could have heard every parent’s suppressed cough or sniffle.
• E.g. It was the kind of Parisian street that was close enough to the Eiffel Tower to warrant a night-time clean up crew. Until about 2am in the morning, the sour remains of apple cores and bin juices mixed with the ripe stench of sewer.
• E.g. Sarah always preferred a simple calico tote. Whenever she went second-hand book shopping at Elizabeth’s, she would pinch the crude cotton fabric between her index finger and thumb. Rubbing the unrefined fabric between her fingers brought her a sense of calm amongst the overwhelming book choices.
• E.g. She had a thing for croissants. They were her fixation food, and she went to the bakery opposite her school for her daily fix. She didn’t know why exactly, only that the buttered layers of flaky pastry melted on her tongue. Unsurprisingly, they also melted away her worries.

To do this replace basic nouns, verbs and phrases with these sensory descriptions! Reflect on the world and think about what you see, hear, taste, feel or smell. It can help to close your eyes and imagine yourself in the situations your characters can find themselves in.

Also, try to rely on more than one sense when you are writing to create a three-dimensional world.

Now, let’s change this sentence from telling to showing:

• Telling : David picked up the bottle.
• Showing : David finished up Tuesday night soccer training by taking his muddy spikes off, wiping them down and popping them in his duffel. Coincidentally, he had caught the spiky end of Coach’s mood and was forced to jog an extra two miles of punishment laps. Even splashing his face with the water from his gatorade bottle wasn’t making his cheeks any less red.

See how the description uses different senses to paint a vivid picture of how a character does the simplest action in your mind? This is what you will need to do to show, not tell!

2. Use dialogue

Dialogue is another great way to show, not tell, because it shows your character’s personality whilst allowing the story to unfold naturally! It is much more interesting than simply recounting what the characters say.

1. Use dialogue to show how the characters are feeling 

By manipulating the tone, voice, and word choices, you can show the character’s feelings and emotions.

For example, you don’t need to tell your audience that your character is nervous and having doubts about something, you can use dialogue to show this:

“Do you really think this is gonna work?”

2. Use dialogue to show the characters personalities and traits

All characters should have a distinct way of talking.

For example, a character who didn’t get the opportunity to go to school might speak with lots of slang and truncated sentences, a mysterious magician might speak in cryptic riddles, and a pompous professor might speak in long-winded sentences with academic vocabulary.

However, just because characters have a distinct way of talking, doesn’t mean you should force an accent to make a character “different” and “distinguishable”. You need to ensure that the character’s way of talking is natural and reflects their personality.

3. Ensure that all dialogue serves a purpose (aka, not too chunky)

This is an example of chunky dialogue that ‘tells’ what happened:

“How was lunch?”

“Not great. We ordered prawns because forgot Shelley was allergic to them! She was so mad, she stormed out of the restaurant. I feel so bad now. What should I do?”

Instead, break it up into smaller sentences to show what happened and what the characters are feeling:

“Well… Shelley stormed out of the restaurant because we ordered prawns.”

“Oh no! She’s allergic to them.”

“I know. It slipped my mind! Should I call her to apologise?”

See how much more engaging that sounds? There isn’t a large chunk of a recount. Instead, the information is given in a natural and realistic way.

3. Describe actions, body language, and reactions

Another way you can show, not tell, is to describe actions, body language, and your character’s reactions!

Body language is a great indicator of what somebody is feeling.

Think about films! You can immediately infer a character’s feelings without them saying anything. That’s because they are using body language to show this!

For example, if a character is angry, they might furrow their brows or turn their shoulders away from who they’re angry at (to quite literally give someone the cold shoulder!).

So, when you are writing, you want to replace simple emotional words with strong descriptions about your character’s body language, like this:

• Telling : Jacob was suspicious of Felicity.
• Showing : Every time Felicity suggested another way to complete the assignment, Jacob gave a non-committal “mmhmm”, as if she couldn’t be trusted to organise something as simple as a 2 o’clock meeting.

Another example is:

• Telling : She was shocked.
• Showing : Complete syllables seemed to escape her. When John asked for the third time, she couldn’t stop her jaw from opening, closing, and then opening again, as if spelling out ‘SOS’ in morse code.

4. Use active voice

Active voice creates powerful imagery, whereas passive voice tells us what is happening. Here is the difference between the two.

Active voice is where the subject comes before the verb in the sentence. Here, the subjects tend to “do something” to the object.

For example “Kallum ate an apple” or Jessy picked up the pen.”

Passive voice is where the object comes before the verb in the sentence. This focuses on the object more than the subject. Often, you will find “to be” verbs in these sentences like “was”, “going to”, “were”, “are”, and “is”.

For example, “An apple was what Kallum ate” or “The pen was picked up by Jessy”.

So, when you want to show, not tell, you should aim to use active voice because it conveys a clear and strong tone. When something is written in passive voice, it sounds as though we’re listening to the story through a third-party.

To do this, place your subjects before your verbs, and ensure your usage of “to be” verbs are minimal.

Example #1 :

• Passive voice : “The party was something Rachel planned to go to.”
• Active voice : “Rachel planned to go to the party”

Example #2: 

• Passive voice : “The car was washed by Chris.”
• Active voice : “Chris washed the car.”

Note: If you want to learn more about active and passive voice, check out our English Grammar Toolkit  under Voice. We discuss the difference between active and passive voice in more detail.

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Don’ts:

Now that you know what you should do to ‘show, not tell’, let’s look at what you should  not do.

5. Use adverbs

Using adverbs is not the best way to ‘show, not tell’. Adverbs are words that modify verbs, verb groups or adjectives to show a manner, degree, place or time. These are words that tend to end in -ly , like quickly, gently, badly, warmly, sadly, softly, and greedily.

Stephen King, a best-selling author, said that adverbs are not your friend:

“With adverbs, the writer usually tells us he or she is afraid he/she isn’t expressing himself/herself clearly, that he or she is not getting the point or the picture across.” – Stephen King, ‘On Writing, a Memoir of the Craft’

What he means is that using adverbs is a way of  telling what is happening, instead of showing it. As Stephen King says, using adverbs makes it seem like you’re afraid of not being able to paint the picture, and we all know that ‘show, not tell’ is all about painting a vivid picture in your reader’s mind.

So, instead of using adverbs, you should find stronger verbs or adjectives that can capture the essence of what you want to say (similar to the above tip). Here are some examples:

• Telling #1 : “Henry placed the box firmly on the table.”
• Showing #1 : “Henry slammed the box onto the table.”
• Telling #2 : “Kate quickly walked to the kitchen.”
• Showing #2:  “Kate scurried to the kitchen.”
• Telling #3 : “She menacingly looked at Jake.”
• Showing #3 : “She glared at Jake.”

Can you see the difference between the ‘telling’ and ‘showing’ sentences? The ‘showing’ sentences are much more powerful at painting an image in the reader’s mind. This is because they replaced the adverbs with powerful verbs!

6. Write emotions-words or other abstract words

Abstract words are words that refer to concepts or emotions; in other terms, they are terms that aren’t normally sensed with your five senses that we mentioned above. For instance, happiness, sadness, love, hope, faith, and beauty are all emotions or abstract words. Different people might visualise these in different ways.

When you use emotions or abstract words, you are ‘telling’ your readers what to think; they aren’t given a chance to visualise the character’s body language or actions and feel the character’s emotions.

Remember, showing is all about painting a picture in your reader’s mind. So, instead of using emotions or abstract words, you should think about  what  it looks like and describe it.

For example:

• Tell : “Ursula hid behind the boxes because she was scared of the intruder.”
• Show : Ursula always hated closing shift. She was the last one to leave, and locking up the shop fell to her. Now she was crouched down behind the stocktake boxes, hoping the intruder wouldn’t hear her fumbling behind the new season inventory of strappy platform sandals and open-toed kitten heels. From behind the flimsy stack of cardboard boxes, Ursula could hear the intruder rattling around the cash register. Too bad she had already deposited the cash sales for the day.

Do you notice the difference between the two examples?

In the first example, we used ‘scared’ to tell us how Ursula is feeling. This is much more unengaging because it doesn’t build up the fear, suspension, and urgency that is created in the second example. The second example shows us what Ursula is feeling through the visual, auditory, and tactile descriptions. By doing that, we also feel her fear as well which makes it much more engaging.

7. Over-explain

Over-explaining is something you should avoid at all costs. Remember, less is more!

Your readers are intelligent beings. They are capable of piecing hints and inferring information themselves.

So, you don’t have to explain why everything is happening! Here, take a look at this example of over-explaining:

“Sandra drove to the grocery store because she was nervous about tonight’s party. She really wanted to impress the in-laws but they’re so difficult to impress. She knew she had to buy something delicious and impressive but she was still unsure of what to buy. There are so many options.”

Notice how the whole paragraph is telling us exactly what Sandra is feeling and thinking, and why she is feeling and thinking that way. There isn’t much room for interpretation and it isn’t a very engaging read.

So, let’s rewrite the paragraph to remove the over-explaining.

“Sandra drove to the grocery store, her hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than usual. A roast chicken? A bottle of wine? A hamper basket? She sighed.  A sudden tightness grew in her chest as memories of her last dinner with the in-laws attacked what was left of her self-esteem.”

Which one is a more engaging read? The second example didn’t over-explain everything. It left some room for interpretation which engages the readers and keeps them wanting more.

It’s important to not over-explain yourself in your writing to show, and not tell.

Written by Matrix English Team

© Matrix Education and www.matrix.edu.au, 2023. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Matrix Education and www.matrix.edu.au with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Writing Studio

Show, don’t tell, allow your reader to “see”.

In an effort to make our handouts more accessible, we have begun converting our PDF handouts to web pages. Download this page as a PDF: Show, Don’t Tell handout PDF Return to Writing Studio Handouts

When writers “Show,” rather than “Tell,” they use words to create images that help readers “see” what is being described, as if projecting images onto a reader’s mental movie screen.

Our senses, such as vision, are how we as humans experience the world around us, so “Showing” often makes a stronger connection with readers, especially in personal essays or in creative writing.

Three Key Ways To Help You “Show”

1. be specific.

In a macro sense, being specific has to do with not generalizing. For example, if you want to show the reader your residence hall, you have to evoke details that make it your residence hall. You can’t rely on what the reader knows generally about residence halls.

In a micro sense, being specific has to do with exact language and precision. Mark Twain said that the difference between any word and the right word “’tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.” Gustav Flaubert coined a term: “le mot juste” – the exact word. The exact word means that you convey precisely what you want the reader to see and you do it in a way that is fresh, clean, concise, and accurate.

Think about it: Do you mean red or scarlet or maroon? Did the wind blow or did it slap? Choose precise nouns and active verbs. You may push your exactness further and particularize those nouns and verbs with strong modifiers (adjectives, adverbs, phrases, clauses), but don’t overdue it.

One adjective often is better than two if it is specific.

2. Illustrate

Turn the abstract into the concrete. Use anecdotes (short stories), examples, or description. Abstract applies to words such as “good,” “bad,” “love,” “beauty,” or “anger.” Such words aren’t tangible. We can’t see them, touch them, taste them.

But as a writer, you want to illustrate exactly what kind of “good” or “beautiful” you mean, and you do this through concrete details: an action, a physical detail – something that the reader can “see.”

3. Tap the Senses

Use fresh language that evokes sight, sounds, smells, taste, and touch to connect with readers. Description doesn’t have to be flowery; it can be concise and simple (in fact, concise and simple is usually better).

Example The woman was sick. She didn’t look lively at all. She showed symptoms of illness. She clearly was not herself.

This is generalized language; here, the writer is telling us what a sick woman is. “Sick,” “lively,” and “not herself” are abstracts. But readers want to know this woman’s particular version of “sick,” so you as the writer must strive to convey it.

Revised Example The woman curled up on the bed, unmoving. A sticky film covered her half-closed eyes. Her once shiny brown hair appeared tangled and matted. She breathed with a harsh, rattling sound.

This is showing a sick person. These details convey a specific kind of sickness, not a general, abstract one. Now we can see (and hear) this woman. These concrete, particular details elevate the writing from generic to bold.

Practice Revising to “Show”

Try revising these ‘telling’ sentences in ways that will help them ‘show.’ Consider: How can you make the reader “see”?

• The kitchen was a mess. It looked like no one had cleaned it for a while.
• The house was old. It didn’t look like anyone cared for it.
• My mother is a caring person. She has a great passion for life.

Works consulted in the creation of this handout:  Goodman, Richard. “In Search of the Exact Word.” The Writer’s Chronicle 37.1 (Sept. 2004): 54-59

Last revised: 07/2008 | Adapted for web delivery: 04/2021

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Writing Prompt: A Show, Don’t Tell Game

by Pamela Fernuik | 95 comments

A few minutes ago I searched online, “Show, Don't Tell.” In point sixty-six seconds, there were six hundred and seventy-five million answers to my search. Clearly, writers want to learn how to show and not tell!

But that number's overwhelming. Sure, you can read lots of articles. But how can you actually get better at showing?

Here's how: today, we're playing a Show, Don't Tell Game to practice.

Why Show and Not Tell

In grade school, your teacher had Show and Tell. You brought your stuffed Teddy Bear to class to show your class the bear, and you told them how your Teddy Bear came alive at night and fought the monsters under your bed.

If you wrote a story about the Teddy Bear fighting the monsters under your bed, you could say, “I was scared,” or you could show your fear. Did you hide under the covers? Did you wet the bed? Did you jump into bed quickly so the monsters didn't have enough time to grab your legs?

“Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” ― Anton Chekhov

Show, don't tell, to bring your reader into the story. Let them see the glint of light on broken glass, walk beside the protagonist, and live inside of the pages of your story.

Let the reader decide if your protagonist is scared. Don't tell us, “She was scared.” Show us.

How to Show and Not Tell

Telling is stating information, and sometimes you will tell in a story. You might want to tell us your protagonist is a carpenter.

On the other hand, you could show she is a carpenter by describing her using her dual-bevel, sliding, compound miter saw.

You can show by using your five senses. What does it smell like, feel like? What does your protagonist hear?

If you're still not sure you know how to show, check out these other great resources on The Write Practice. In  The Secret to Show, Don't Tell , Joe Bunting explains how to be more specific in your writing.

And in  Use This Tip To Test If You're Showing or Telling , Monica M. Clark shares an awesome strategy for recognizing your own tendencies towards telling: as you revise your manuscript, highlight adjectives and feelings. These words reveal when you're telling, and you might be amazed at how little you're showing in comparison.

Understanding the theory of “show, don't tell” is only half the battle, though. Now, let's play a game to practice!

Writing Prompt Show and Tell Game

I've made a list of possible emotions to use as writing prompts. Choose one — or think of your own! — and write for 15 minutes in the comments section. Then the readers will guess what you are trying to show in your writing.

Writing Prompts

Think of any adjective or feeling and see if we can guess what you are trying to show.

For example:

Show sadness.  Writing “she was sad” would tell me what she was feeling. Instead, show me what sad looks like. Is sad staying in bed and not getting dressed? Missing work? Not taking a shower and eating only potato chips?

Show anger. Tell: He was angry. How can you show anger instead? Is anger throwing pots? (It is for me. I am a pot thrower.) Or is anger not talking?

Show fear. Tell: She was scared. Instead of writing that, how would you show fear?

Show surprise. Tell: She was surprised. Instead, how can you show surprise?

 Have you ever felt like you were sucked into the pages of a story because the writing brought you in by showing?   Please l et us know in the comments .

Choose one of the prompts above or think of your own emotion or adjective. Take  fifteen minutes  to write a piece that shows us that feeling, then post it in the comments .

Please be kind and comment on someone else's writing. What do you think they were trying to show?

Pamela Fernuik

Pamela writes stories about art and creativity to help you become the artist you were meant to be. She would love to meet you at www.ipaintiwrite.com .

95 Comments

Love the idea of the “Show, Dont’ Tell” game. It would make a great exercise for my writing group. Thanks for sharing.

You are very welcome Cheryl, xo Pamela

Her dark blue tennis shoes squeaked against the newly waxed floor. The sound echoed through the empty hall and she cringed at each loud sound. Other than the intermittent sounds of her worn shoes, the hall was empty in its silence. As she walked, her eyes followed the lines of tiles, each one pale and smudged from wear and tear. Her sighs flew from her drawn lips and sent humid air away from her reddened face. With a glance toward the end of the hallway, she slowed her pace. When she reached the cold steel door, her hand lingered on the handle. Her eyes were drawn to a slit in the metalwork and met with a pair of grey blue eyes. Not fazed by the eyes, she sighed yet again and pulled the handle toward her waist. The weight of the door pulled against her body and she had to lean back to counterbalance. From somewhere behind the door, another force pulled the door closed. Her balance slipped from her mind’s grip and she slipped, landing on the cold tile floor. Tears stung her eyes and she sank back from the place that never had seemed to want her. Using a nearby wall to steady herself, she pulled herself up from the ground. Eyes lingering on the door for a moment longer, she turned and headed back down the empty hall.

Hi Annie, I know her shoes squeaked, and that she cringed at the loud sound. She is sighing a lot, and walking slowly. She hesitates when she reaches the door. She is apprehensive about something. But, I am not sure what it is. She feels sad and rejected. I wonder why? xo Pamela

Tiny rivers of sweat ended just above her ear. She flicked them away and drew a towel over her face. She turned over and rested her head on her arm. Her skin smelled like coconuts and toast. A gentle breeze played across her back, cooling the areas where sweat had settled. Someone was laughing not too far away, enjoying an impromptu volleyball game. Pushing herself up off her oversized towel, she brushed at the grains of sand, stuck like glitter to her body. “Oh well, the water would take care of that,” she thought, as she walked gingerly across the hot beach. Foam danced across her feet as set reached the place where the sand was more water than earth, and she gasped a little at the cold. Continuing into the gentle surf, feeling the caress of the water, she allowed herself to fall back. Caught by the sea, she floated through the spray. Tasting the salt, feeling the still-cold July Atlantic and the hot summer sun, she smiled.

Hi LM. She just exercised and is really sweaty. I am curious why the tiny rivers of sweat ended just above her ear. I think she is happy because she smiled. I don’t know if she likes being so sweaty or if she likes smelling like coconuts and toast. Oh, and she doesn’t like the cold water. Thank your playing the game. xo Pamela

OK, this is one of the best, clearest and MOST PRACTICAL articles on Show Don’t Tell. I laughed when I read the first line about how many articles are afloat on this subject. Kind of like the meaning of life…everyone has a spin but this article brought it home. I am co authoring a book with a fabulous medical epidemiologist. He has written life occurrences on the hoof world wide, but when he goes to the keyboard now it becomes “treatise” focused. I tell him to get off the podium and get real and he often does but I frequently end up imagining what it would be like to be in a hazmet suit or watching someone struggle with a mortal illness. I can let it rip and be emotional, so this is where I am the most use in this wonderful book we are creating. This article this morning thrills me to pieces. It makes me realize and KNOW that show don’t tell actually starts in kindergarten with a bear. It’s that simple. And maybe I’ll remind myself that I’m really in kinder and can FEEL what it’s like not mentally describe. Once again, thous hast saved the day. Thanks. g.

Hello Madam Truefire, Thank you for your kind comments about my article. I am delighted that the Teddy Bear saved the day. Wishing you all my best on your writing adventure. xo Pamela

Her fingers trembled. She curled her toes until they hurt, somewhere in the secret spaces of her shoes. The first pricks of unwanted tears pierced her eyes. She shoved her chin higher into the air as she rose to her feet and stepped through the open door.

Curling her toes in the secret spaces of her shoes–that’s fantastic! Nice detail!

thanks Tarren Young!

She’s sad but trying to hide it. Great job. : )

Strength staring down sadness. “The first prick of tears” – ouch! I can feel them myself. 🙂

sad and fighting revealing it.

I’ll admit, I fall prey to telling and not showing quite often. And I’m telling you that instead of showing you using an example of one of my tell-don’t-show pieces. Of course, this could be considered one such piece. Hmm, didn’t we get meta there! (And again, I’m pointing that out to you, reader, so even the commentary on my commentary on the way I write is a “tell”… did you notice I just did it again?)

I think I like to “tell” because it makes me feel like I’m conversing with the reader. I feel like the voice of the narrator is lost in show-don’t-tell, because then I’m watching a movie or experiencing the story… but that’s not the same as listening to someone *tell* a story. Sometimes the most banal stories can become humorous or entertaining based on who tells them.

Look at Jane Austen, for example. She did show us the flaws in her characters through their action, but she also told us a lot about them with her very entertaining narrative voice. Watching a movie based on her books never compares because then it’s all about “show” and not “tell” and then you’re watching just another romance without all the humor and social commentary.

I think telling has its place in writing, but only if used to enrich the story and not as an excuse for lazy writing.

I think this is an excellent point, and I never really thought of it that way. Nowadays, we writers just hear show, no tell. But I agree that some time’s telling, even telling feelings and motivations, is an effective way of writing if done properly.

She felt a tension rise in her body, like a controlled explosion. It was as if she were filling up, suffocating. Heat bloomed on her face, her mouth tight. She threw herself into the front seat staring pointedly out the passenger window watching rivulets of water changing course rapidly. The car pulled out of the driveway, crackling over the pebbles. She felt the words rising like a malevolent air bubble forcing its way out of her. A sort of panic came over her as she glanced over to her mother, her lips tightened to a small line, belying her usually full mouth. Her head swung sharply towards B. “You’re wrong, you know!” B’s nails dug into her palm as her hands lay on her lap. Her eyes fluttered closed as she inhaled audibly. There are times when things seem to happen on their own, like glowing windows rising open during a fire, ominous and terrifying. B looked down at her hands now clutching some folded maps that had sat on the dashboard. Then she was screaming and slamming the maps in her fists on the dash, over and over again. The bubble escaped in an ugly rage, a violence burst out of her from some unknown source.

I like this line: She felt the words rising like a malevolent air bubble forcing its way out of her. I’m feeling the intensity building…

“Let me hold a twenty.” DeMarcus begged, licking his ashy lips. He wore the same outfit that he wore yesterday Jeans with paint on them and a pink tee shirt with “Fly Girl” on the front. It was his mother’s shirt. “No, I am broke. I told your butt yesterday that I was broke. Ain’t a dang thing changed so back off.” Sequanda Oakes rolled her eyes. “You supposed to be my cuz. Why won’t you help? I needs help.” DeMarcus sat down on Sequanda’s fake leather couch. He smelled like corn chips dipped in garbage but he was family. “You need to get off that shit. I ain’t taking care of your habits. I got bills to pay and four kids that I cannot take care of as it is. You can go down to Labor Ready or Finders or whatever and get the day to day job shit.” Seguanda handed DeMarcus a five. “This is all I got.” “Thanks cuz. See ya tomorrow. ” DeMarcus practically flew out the door. “That was so stupid, Sequanda. Jeez.. ” Sequanda said to herself out loud. She tried to clean the dirt spot DeMarcus left on her couch.

Alison held her breath, teeth grinding, a headache beginning to firm at the nape of her neck. Her fists clenched and released repeatedly as she stared at the board. The cast list was posted; Mrs Harvey had been true to her word, thankfully. Now the whole Youth Theatre was clamoring to discover who had beam given the plum parts. Alison blinked hard, swallowed but found her throat solid. Gulping back tears she fought hard to smile as the throng surrounding her congratulated each other, squealing and whooping with delight. Finally finding her voice she whispered inaudibly “I guess there’s always next year.”

I can feel the disappointment and the resolve not to show it. Nice.

I felt this. Great work!

Aww, her disappointment can be felt. Hope everything turns out ok for Alison. Good work!

Yes disappointment, yet I felt hope as well.

Her fingers found the ring on the fourth finger of her opposite hand. The diamond was small, affordable. Her thoughts drifted pleasantly to the day the jeweler had first slipped it gently onto the youthful, carefully manicured finger. The fiancée beside her admired its glimmer. Gratefulness enveloped her; how satisfying their love journey after all these years. The voice in the front of the room droned on rising with emphasis and descending with softer tones. Like a heart monitor readout. She turned her wrist to see the white-banded watch. Barely 10 minutes into the presentation. She sighed. I told myself not to do this, but…Her eyes fixed on the cell ensconced in the unzipped purse slouching on the bench besides her. She withdrew the device. Which distraction will be the most appropriate, the least engaging? Perhaps she could still manage to catch the highlights of the talk. She scrunched lower in the seat. Yawning, she swiped the screen.

“I don’t want to do it. I shouldn’t have to do it. Why is it always me?” Jackie slammed the notebook, stood arms crossed and legs apart. There might have been smoke coming from her ears. The charts I held were suddenly interesting. Christy picked a flawless nail. Jackie’s foot tapped vigorously then it went still. No breathing occurred. Then suddenly air gushed out from Jackie like a balloon popping accompanied by a heart-wrenching wail. Rooted in place, we watched her deflate in a heap before us. l

Everything around me went still, silent and yet everything inside of me seemed so much louder. The pounding of my heart, rapid but so pronounced. It ached, threatened to choke me. I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest and my heart squeezed simultaneously. How, was it, still beating. I couldn’t breath. My head began to feel it. The pounding seemed to engulf my brain, all I could hear was the pounding. My eyes… Even with the pounding I knew the image before me was real and I needed to unsee it, to close my eyes. Yet my body had become not my own. I could not move. I could hear my breaths leaving my body, in strained stutters…and then “thud”, I was on my knees. The world moved a bit slower. The pain that rattled through them on impact was a fading after thought. “Aghhhh. Aghhhh. Aghhhh’ I could not stop, crumpled over my screams echoed back.

You did a great job of showing pain and fear. Keep up the good work! : )

The vein at his temple began to pulse. His tanned face darken as he loosen his tie and rolled up his sleeves. Gripping the door knob, he crushed it as he turned it, pulling the door open to confront his wife only to find her in the arms of his best friend.

She bit her lip as she idly watched the proctors snatch the exam booklets from their desks. Teresa shoved an imaginary flyaway behind her ear and adjusted her chair. Her brown eyes scanned the testing room, meeting the navy blue gaze of her best friend. She let her lips pull before fidgeting in her seat.

Damn, Teresa mused as she gnawed her pencil, that was a lot worse than I thought.

The teen sighed and continued her ramble, well there goes my Harvard acceptance letter…

When he was here, there was always the hum of his tools, the sound of the carpenter. The table saw screamed as he ripped a plank to the dimensions for his current project. A goat leg table. The china cabinet. A handmade piece of furniture. “Measure twice, cut once,” he had always said.

The rich aroma of wood dust wafted through the air as he pressed his current masterpiece against the belt of the sander. The sander howled as he shaped and formed the edges to what he wanted. Steps in the shop fell soft and muffled from the depth of sawdust that he had not yet swept. The dust lay drifted and piled to the side, the walkways to each tool well defined.

To day the shop is quiet. The dust has been swept, the tools are now silent. The carpenter has left us.

This is a deep and thoughtful piece, and shows how much you loved your father. It would mean so much to him to know you remembered him this way, Gary.

Hi Gary It took me back to my Dad immediately. He was a boat builder and always smelt of wood, glue and Old Spice. Thank you 🙂

reflection –

I suspect your father is pleased that you remember him in this way. My father had a shop in the basement and this took me back immediately, right down to the memory of the scent of pine and oak being measured twice and sometimes three times on intricate projects. The aroma of the warm wood in my hand being sanded has brought me to tears with missing my Dad from time to time, The memory of your Dad was well served. Nicely done. I loved the scream of the wood in the table saw .. the band saw did the same sound as well, I miss the whine of the drill and the cracking thud of the hammer also. I think you described the perfect amount of noise, enough to evoke memory and not belabor the point, and set up the stillness of the shop once swept, tools silent. The carpenter has left us. Lovely testament. Enjoyed! I get the quiet appreciative observant stance of reflection here with a healthy portion of grief, sadness and powerful love.

This is beautiful.

resigned sorrow, loss comes across in this senual memory and its contrast.

Julia yanked the door shut and rammed the bolt lock into place. Whirling, gasping for breath, she bolted for the kitchen just as the door splintered behind her. A hunk of the door slammed into the back of her head. She pitched forward as pain bloomed in her skull, and a scream tore from her throat as she tripped and crashed into the glass coffee table.

Tears streaming down her face, she sobbed at the fresh gashes and cuts on her palms and her forearms.

“Where is it?” a voice said behind her.

Julia scrambled up, managing to avoid further shards of the broken glass, and spun toward Sean. “I don’t know.” Her voice was choked – she was trembling.

The man approached her with his pistol trained on her. She backed up, toward the kitchen, and Sean shoved the broken coffee table out of his way with his boot. “You’d better start thinking, then,” he growled. “Or I’m going to finish what I started with you.”

Her throat constricted and a chill rushed through her, causing her to shiver and hug herself. But this time, she would not let him hurt her. She forced her arms to lower and looked the man in the eye as she inched backward into the kitchen. “You’ll never find it.” Even though she swallowed hard, she drew her shoulders back and reached behind the microwave for the kitchen knife. “But Shadow’s going to find you.”

Sean stared at her for a few moments. Only a handful of yards separated them now. Then a hard gleam entered the man’s eyes, and he shoved his pistol into its holster. He lunged for her.

With a yell, Julia yanked the butcher knife from its block and flung it at the man, hurling psychic energy behind it and aiming right for Sean’s chest.

Any feedback/critiques are welcome. I really like these prompts; it’s fun to find ways to show something. I’ve read books before that said things such as, “her eyes were filled with sadness,” “anger flickered in his face,” etc. It’s more engaging when I read the actions of those emotions, instead of what they’re called. Thanks Pamela! : )

This good. There’s a few extra words like “just”, but it is a good read.

fear then anger on her part, anger on his.

Biting her lip until the coppery bitterness of blood washed over her tastebuds, she held her breath. The fine hairs on her arms standing up as she listened to the heavy footfalls on the age worn hardwood floor. Pushed against the wall of the dark recess in the closet, her body began to tremble uncontrollably. Tears filling her eyes and spilling relentlessly down her cheeks as terror filled her. Waiting for the door to swing open, light flooding in, giving her away.

Terror!!!! Totally gave me goosebumps reading this. Chilling.

Think about how to reduce unneeded words:

Biting her lip, she tasted the coppery bitterness of blood. She held her breath

Thank you, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

Biting her lip so hard, she barely noticed the coppery bitterness of blood wash over her taste buds; she held her breath, the fine hairs on her arms standing up as she listened to the heavy footfalls on the age worn hardwood floor. She pushed against the wall of the dark recess in the closet. Her body began to tremble uncontrollably as tears filled her eyes and spilling relentlessly down her cheeks. She was waiting.. waiting for the door to swing open, light flooding in, giving her away.

Smurphy0427, All I did was add a word or two and change some punctuation, I think the terror was evident without mentioning it… you did a great job. I found myself frightened for her. Decidedly this was fear. Interesting twist could be if she was feeling all this in the closet at her psychiatrists office, recalling the incident. Her unfocused eyes looked past the present time before she blinked the tears away and closed her eyes up tight. Nice Job Smurphy!

When I emerged from beyond the trees at twilight, the sight of the rusty moon rising above the mountain, brought a memory of the Easter egg hunt I went on when I was ten, where I searched the bushes of the park the entire time as everyone else had filled their baskets, and one by one left me behind, I did not give up.

The words swam round and round in her head “this is my favourite place in the whole world”. The awkward angle of her body didn’t phase her, because her head was in the sweet spot. Nestled in the dip and swell between his shoulder and chest, she was cradled securely. She was free. She was safe.

She closed her eyes and drank him in. Through his chest she could feel the steady strong beating of his heart. It’s pulse penetrating her cheek and living inside her head. He smelled of….him. A heady combination of deodorant applied 8 hours ago, pure cotton and just a tiny tang of sweat. She inhaled deeply and let go, exhaling slowly and deliberately, so as not to waste his precious scent.

Her hand crept up to the space between his pectoral muscles, his sternum. There was a natural curve there. If a bug was on a skateboard, she mused, it would make the perfect skateboard ramp. Smooth, hair free, firm and perfectly formed. Her fingers traversed the landscape of skin and muscle. She snuggled deeper, at the same time feeling her body let go. Sleep was coming and she was safe in her favourite place.

I get from this comfort and sensuality shaded with a touch of whimsy and a healthy dusting of peaceful lust. Well done! The bug on the skateboard was a bit jarring and took me out of the moment but I recognize disjointed thought that the mind makes as it is going into sleep mode.

Thanks Luanna. Haha. Yes the bug on the skateboard does interrupt the gently reverie. Thankyou for pointing it out, as all these things are great to develop an awareness of. Thanks again for taking the time to comment 🙂

You’re welcome to the comment, I enjoyed reading your post.

The taste of sour bit at her tongue as she lifted her cold face from the stinging, white, snow. Her cheeks drew hot red. She rotated over onto her back, breathless, laying there and looking up into the plump-like clouds against the navy backdrop of the sky. This was one of her worst skiing falls.

shock. 🙂 (I’ve been there)

Been there, done that. Sideswiped by a snowboarding nine or ten year old. I remember thinking how can your cheeks feel so numb and yet be so hot, right before checking inventory to see if anything was broken, as I was at the same time deciding this was not for me. I had had patience with the bunny hill and got up with sheepishness and laughter the three times I ended up in the snow. Finally, I had the pure joy of effortless glide, balanced and what freedom and mind opening excitement it was AWESOME right up until I was smashed into. Everything happened so fast, It was with shock and the beginning of pain starting, lying there looking up at the underside of tree framing plumped up cloud in a blue sky, with tears beginning to sting my eyes as hot as the cold of the snot was cold, that that the thought, “Oh great, my very first time skiing turns out a metaphor for my life!” Spray of snow off skies brought me out and back to ouch. OK ,nothing broken,I have got to get up now. I remember I needed to get new thoughts and a different hobby as I examined the impressive red and blue all down my right side back at the lodge, wishing I could go back out and lay in the snow instead of asking for ice packs from the wait staff. Nice job, Irvin. Were you skiing past me when this happened? 🙂 OK.. I get disappointment and fear here, not only of injury but perhaps a change of career after a lengthy recoup or perhaps resignation at practice ruling out a race.Dispassionate objectivity and bravery of a professional are hinted at here, underlined by the brevity of your description. I think fear was being conveyed here, nice job Irvin.

Thanks for sharing.

My eyes darted around the room looking for something familiar. My teeth pierced my blood red lips, as I took a step forward. I closed my mouth and gnawed on my inner cheek. Trying to swallow the lump in my throat, I let out a soft cough. My chin immediately met my chest, as I peered about the room to see if anyone had noticed. The lump was stuck

This is fear. But there is something that is not as it seems. The eyes “roaming around” looking for something to latch on to, something known. The teeth piercing the lips. The lump that is “stuck”. But then there is the fact that she looks around the room to see if anyone notices. It seems, though I could be wildly wrong here, that it’s a first speaking aloud to an audience. Nonetheless, it’s a great piece of writing.

Yes and nervousness.

Good article. I definitely need to develop my writing using all senses and emotions. Thank you.

As always, rough cut – I don’t understand why they don’t listen to me when I tell them. Don’t they understand that if they just did what I tell them their lives would be so much easier. It is like bashing my head against the wall and makes me want to smack them in their heads. I cannot wait to leave here. To be done, finished, completed, that is what I am talking about. It is the same every time. It is like having a needle stuck in my ear and pushed through to my other ear. The throbbing ache in my head feels like what a bass drum must feel like at the end of concert. I would love to scream; stop talking and do it my way. Listen carefully to what I am saying. Of course I can’t say that, they would tell me that was unacceptable. The idiots on the other side are always right. Blah, blah, blah. Sound cheerful, be polite. Make them feel like they are the only person you have to take care of today. How did I wind up here, I have a Masters in communications with a minor in phycology. So much for that education. Oh good grief, he is coming over here, he’s looking directly at me. I wonder what wondrous words of wisdom he has this time. I have a reprieve he zipped by with barely a nod, thank goodness.

“Greetings, thank you for calling the help center today. My name is Howard, how can I help you today?”

Frustration and anger are evident here, wherever this might be, a help center, certainly, but i found myself wondering what rough cut was being dealt with over the phone? If it helps, I found remembering that there are 250 ways to do dishes, and, that if I pay attention, I might find someone else does things better than I had planned to do and can make my life easier thereby. Joy! Does not happen often though, so failing that I have the opportunity to instruct and guide with encouragement. I do know the frustration of ,” it would be so much easier if he would have done it the way I said” but if it got to this place I would know I was either hungry angry lonely or tired. It might be time for lunch and a time out for Howard. Nice portrayal of frustration and anger and sarcasm. Also relief. Vincent, how might you have let us in on the actual job, context, perhaps rough cut is a phrase for “needs to be detailed, or worked on further” as in a rough cut in wood or diamond or stone…all of which would be hard to help with over the phone, I am guessing it might be a colloquial phrase I am not familiar with. Which is to say I am slightly confused about the setting but the emotions come through loud and clear. Nice.

I never post edited pieces here, ergo As always, rough cut – I am glad to see that you picked up on all of Howard’s feelings. Thanks, I apologize for the confusion.

No worries, the emotions were the focal point and you did a good job on those, Vincent. Take it as a compliment that I wanted to know more about the story and Howard and what rough cuts were. I believe the confusion is cleared up, re rough cuts. It would seem there were unedited portions of story to share. I hope that I got that correct. 🙂

frustration! as well as real pain, then real fear, then relief. Sounds like he should call the help center himself!

Hahaha, Howard probably should. Thanks

He shuddered, the fierce wind biting his cheeks. Late fall was never a good time for a hunt — the icy northern storms had no mercy this time of year. He clasped his hands tightly to stop them from shaking, when he felt something cold and alien lurking in the skeleton trees. He froze, tension twisting elaborate knots in his stomach despite years of training. The chill was inside him now — no longer merely an element. A sharp jolt raced up his spine and he bit off his last shallow breath. He was being hunted.

fear grips the hunter! loved “something cold and alien lurked in the skeleton trees.”

She tipped her head, moving her shoulders to touch the back of the worn plastic chair that she struggled to find comfort in. A slight sigh escaped her chapped lips as the weight of the universe pushed down on her struggling eyelids. The corners of her mouth pulled her expression into an apparently bored one, one that masterfully concealed her own disarrayed thoughts. The dark ringlets under her eyes made her face looked bruised and beaten. The girl began to say something, but something without sounds or syllables, something that couldn’t be heard but only seen. Her own lips moved on their own, whispering into the heavens far above, the ones she stared at with closed eyes. Her hands limply fell in the gap between her knees, a gap wider than the galaxies she imagined for herself to get lost in.

A loud sound began to ring in the corners of her mind, slowly growing to the edges of her brain, and eventually beating the inside of her skull, screaming for release. She opened her eyes to small slits, squinting at the blue and white sky streaked with sun rays. A shining ocean tainted by something unknown replayed its images in her mind, refusing to let her forget its sparkling ethereal beauty. The girl breathed, first in and then out, and kept that pattern for her speeding heart to remain steady. Eventually, she had wanted to start screaming, screaming and screaming, but she wasn’t sure why, but that didn’t stop her from yelling out into that sparkling blue sky and sunny streaked ocean that yelled at her back. She kept screaming and screaming and screaming.

confusion and anger. though this scene is intense, it has me confused regarding the feelings. I too am lost in these galaxies. “apparently bored” tells but doesn’ show that she’s trying to hide her feelings 2nd paragraph has me suspecting PTSD in its muddleness of 1) something tainting the shining oceasn and at same time refusing to let her forget its etheral beauty, and 2) the girl contorlling some emotion (?- not sure what it is) while wanting to scream, not knowing why and then yelling which is a form of screaming and definitley screaming and i never got the emotion behind any of it. People scream for diffierent reasons, fear, anger, hurt but I was lost.

This is excellent. Two great resources for helping other writers with this are: The Emotion Thesaurus & this Cheat Sheet for Writing Body Language .

I use both frequently.

The exhaustion She could feel her heart ready to leap out of her chest. She hugged her arms around her waist, tighter. Her knuckles turned white from her grip. She could feel the lump in her throat grow.

“You didn’t have to say that,” he said. “It’s what came to mind,” she said, looking at the mole on the left side of his face. He was looking out at the street. “You can think first,” he said. She was silent. “Other people don’t need to know about my private life,” he said. “It’s my life, too,” she said. “You don’t get to do that.” They had been having coffee, perusing the paper. She had started a sketch of their cat BingBing, who was curled up on the sofa. She had been nurturing the idea doing some spring cleaning, clear out all the clutter in the front closet. She might draw him into it, too, go through some of their old stuff, relive some memories, be done with some of the old, clear space for the new. Now there was a hot cloud in the room, encasing them. Her sweater felt hot. The room was silent. No ruffling of the paper, no sipping from a mug, no sniffs and shifts of the body. She wouldn’t move. Not safe. Wait it out. Pretend to study the drawing. Hold the breath in the airways. Nothing to daw more attention.

his anger, her trepidation well portrayed in words and thougths. very subtle. like “hot cloud” i would only suggest finding a substitute word for the 2nd “clear.”

Avery must have seen everything when she opened my office door, even though we pulled apart and turned our full attentions on her.

“Good morning, Avery.” we said in unison and I added, “I thought you were out of town today?”

She hesitated, pulled the door towards her just slightly, then strode in, but with her eyes down, and when she looked up, her eyes were still semi-hooded. I don’t think she realized it but she was biting her lip. She placed her file on my desk, and took a deep breath. She looked directly at me, but then her eyes darted for half a second toward Kevin, before she turned her back on him and gave me her full stare, which was the most wide-eyed, I’d ever seen her. It was like a huge question mark was written all over face. Having caught us red-handed – red lipped and now both of us blushing in this case — I expected her to start quoting company policy to us about fraternization. I’d never seen her so hesitant to speak and then the thought crossed my mind that maybe she’d had her own sites set on Kevin, and I wondered if he’d given her reason to think he was available.

She woke up from a dream about gold-tinged tornados in a beautiful bluish-gray sky. It had been so exciting; she loved storms. All her friends had been there. They had all been running and taking pictures with their phones intermittently. She had gotten some good ones. And HE had been there too. Making her feel good with his presence like he always did.

She was awake now, but the feeling from the dream persisted. She didn’t have to work that day, so she got to lay there and bask in the memory for about half an hour the way she loved to do. Finally she took a few deep breaths and sat up. She began checking her phone; a funny video from her brother about a girl falling at graduation; a post from HIM on the group Facebook page. Not too much correspondence to answer, the way she liked it. When she finished she took another moment to breathe and center herself, and then mapped out the day ahead in her mind. She would practice writing to her heart’s content, there was plenty of time for that. Then she would end the day with some singing practice and a little yoga before bed. It sounded so ideal to her; she loved relaxing days like this! She decided to celebrate her freedom with a favorite meal of hers for breakfast. It was a little heavy, but it was still early so she would have plenty of time to digest everything before bed. She should be feeling light and clear-minded again right around time for bedtime this evening; just in time to kick off another round of those vivid, exciting dreams she loved so much…

Dawn appeared brightly and without decency of prior warning through the apartment blinds. Like that obnoxious, distant relative who wasn’t invited to Christmas dinner but somehow managed to show up anyway, this day also wasn’t likely to bring anyone gifts. She grunted at this reality, attempting to find escape beneath the closest pillow. Minutes dragged by, and then hours. Still no luck. A huff forced itself from her lazy lips as she glared at the sunlight with stubborn vengeance.

“Fine,” she said to the lifeless daybreak, “I’ll GET UP and shut the blinds MYSELF!”

Slapping the feather comforter off of her frail body, she stomped as heavily as her weight would allow from her bed all the way to the window, and forced the sunlight from the room. She slugged back to the side of the room from which she came and just barely managed to drag herself back up on top of the mattress when her phone rang. She screamed out her rage into the pillow she’d landed upon before daring to pick it up. Once her frustration was somewhat manageable, she forced her hand near the proximity of any button that would answer the call.

She cast a muffled “hfflmo” in the general direction of the phone, still lying face-deep in the pillow. “Hello?” The voice asked. Silence. “Hello?!” More silence. And a (probable) eye-roll. “Cassie, are you there? At least say something so I know you can hear me.” “mmmmmm…” “Alright. There you are. Well, clearly you don’t want to speak to me right now. But when you do- call me, okay? We’re all worried about you. I lov-”

Click. She found the energy to react quickly at the expense of hearing more. With such an eventful morning, it was clearly time for a nap anyhow.

Depression….maybe even heartache?

Very engaging protagonist. Enjoy how the description is coloured by her personality, e.g. ‘dawn appeared without decency of prior warning’ and ‘she cast out a muffled ‘hffflmo’ in the general direction of the phone’. Thought the parts where you talk about ‘rage’ and ‘frustration’ slip into telling, though.

I would guess frustration or maybe anger.

Standing there he felt as if the wind had been knocked from his belly. Stolen by some swift kick in the midsection. His heart seemed to bang irregularly, like a clock missing the necessary pieces to click over to the next minute. The door stood in front of him, but seemed the heaviest door in the world, not a door as much as a stone pillar of immovable density. The knob an iron blob hot and foreboding. His mouth dry as if a bad lemon had been rotting away in there for months. Every single molecule of his being screamed “run!”. Yet he remained, he knew the next move must be to open that door and to step inside to lay in the bed he himself had made. She was in there. He could hear her humming sweetly as the clatter of dishes getting scrubbed tingled into his burning ears. That humming of hers was the humming of some child soothing a great beast, pure and divine. He knew it would stop the moment he turned the knob and swung the front door inwards to disturb the serenity of that humble space she kept so sweetly. “Well.” He thought. “Here goes everything.”

I’m guessing anxiety.

Standing there he felt as if the wind had been knocked from his belly. Stolen by some swift kick in the midsection. His heart seemed to bang irregularly, like a clock missing the necessary pieces to click over to the next minute. The door stood there in front of him, but seemed the heaviest door in the world, not a door as much as a stone pillar of immovable density. The knob an iron blob hot and foreboding. His mouth dry like a bad lemon had been rotting away in there for months. Every single molecule of his being screamed “run!”. Yet he remained, he knew the next move must be to open that door and to step inside to lay in the bed he himself had made. She was in there. He could hear her humming sweetly as the clatter of dishes getting scrubbed tingled into his burning ears. That humming of hers was the humming of some child soothing a great beast, pure and divine. He knew it would stop the moment he turned the knob and swung the front door inwards to disturb the serenity of that humble space she kept so sweetly. “Well.” He thought. “Here goes everything.”

This is my writing style –

Cassia felt to one knee and hissed as fire washed up her side. She sucked in an achy breath and pulled her hand away from the wound. Her shirt was turning red around the gash. With a start, she realized she would die here. But the thought failed to scare her. “Has to happen some time.” She mumbled. And anyway, she couldn’t predict the future.

So….now I see how tweaking my style a little to show and not tell more often could really help me show character in addition to physical state. Maybe she’s aloof-

With a start, she realized she would die here. With a smirk, she mumbled, “Has to happen some time.”

Or maybe she is in a lot of pain –

With a start, she realized she would die here. She gritted her teeth as pain spiked up her side and growled “Has to happen some time.”

It had been a lighthearted tease from a concerned friend that got him into the seer’s shop to begin with and he was wishing now he had ignored it. So, he had his heart broken and wanted a new start, why couldn’t he just sensibly get drunk like his buddies? He brushed the dirt from the spade he picked up from the hardware store and put it in his pocket. Oh no, he had to let his curiosity run wild with the suggestion of a new fortune teller on the other side of the small town he driving through. No, he had to make it a stop for the night and go find out his destiny. It was a longer walk than he had estimated back to the motel from the cemetery, but he was almost there. He could hear the dry leaf skittering along the cold moonlit pavement before he saw it come to rest against the corner of the building closest to him that made up the south wall of the small town square. Someone had tried to brighten the place with a planter whose faded red paint was now peeling and the plants it once held he could only assume had dried up and blown away. His motel room and relative safety was but a short walk past that building and then diagonally across the street to the right and he was eager to get there to look at the book he had unearthed from the base of the tree in the cemetery, but ever since he brushed the dirt off the oilskin the small book had been wrapped in he had felt someone watching him that he could not see. Remembering the way the fortune teller’s eyes stared through him as she had told him where he would find a hidden message that would change his life, he suppressed a shudder. With the memory of that vacant empty stare, the book itself was somehow heavier his jacket pocket, as the hair on his neck stood up, and he took a deep breath of the windswept night air. Warmth, light, safety.. His feet seemed to pick up the pace in measure with his heartbeat beginning to race. He told himself he was paranoid as he turned the corner of the building and the world went black.

My guess is you’re portraying fear. Starts with your protagonist regretting going to see the seer. Creepy setting including a lonely walk at night and wishing he was back in ‘relative safety’, and he suppresses a shudder.

Five minutes. They say time flies when you’re having fun, what about its evil cousin? Why does time do this to me when all I want is for five o’ clock to come?

Don’t know why I’m alone in wanting it to come when my friends are both on the edge of their seats. James makes a few attempts at black humour. “Won’t see you guys at graduation, man. Come back to Burger King to see me, won’t you?”

Four minutes. I notice how a yellowish stain in the shape of a bird’s head. James’ wallpaper hasn’t been wiped in some time. Think of cracking some joke about how even the dirt agrees that James is a birdbrain, but one look at my friends changes my mind. Right now, an army of clowns wouldn’t be able to make anyone so much as smile.

Three minutes. I start to drum my fingers on the wall, but stop when Brianna shoots me a glare. Guess someone’s still capable of emotion, then.

James’ room seems to have gone oddly quiet.

The pill bottle sounded like a rain stick as it hit the floor. Gary spun. “You’re home early,” he said, swallowing.

she wakes up with a sharp intake of breath, her heartbeat roaring in her ears. her eyes shift about, a thick fog clouding her mind, blinding her from catching the familiar of bundle of her sweater that she’d carelessly thrown to the floor. blocking the sight of the stars shaped nightlight that she placed on her bedside table. There’s a tingling sensation like tiny needles prickling her neck. Her hands shoot up and they trace the skin without a sense of direction. Dry and thick. Yet, she pulls her hand back just to make sure, to confirm that there is no blood dripping down her neck. That a sharpness didn’t cut across and spraying the person with the red liquid just like she had witnessed mere seconds ago. A dream. No, a nightmare. She swallows the thick lump in her throat that absorbed all the liquid like a sponge, takes a large gulp air to trap it in before she releases it in a small pace.

Ryan stood, fingers fidgeting in the confines of his pockets. He rocked on his toes, a smile glowing on his lips, prickling at the dimples in his cheeks. He thought to sit down, but the moment his bum touched the soft couch, he bounced back up, giggles bubbling from his mouth. The infectious, inexorable force took the entrepreneurs by surprise, fits of snorts and laughter rippling through the room. He chuckled, desperately trying to draw a breath and present his ideas to his colleagues, but in place of his words came a frenzy of uproarious hysterics, sending the seasoned professionals rolling on the floor.

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