band 6 english essay example

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IELTS Essay Samples of Band 6

• 12 Comments
• IELTS Essays - Band 6 , IELTS Writing Samples
• by Simone Braverman

Here you can find IELTS Essay samples of Band 6, written by students and graded by an IELTS teacher.

The topic of each essay appears when you hold the mouse over the link. Every essay is checked, marked, has comments and suggestions. Hold the mouse over to see suggested corrections. The teacher’s summary is at the bottom of each essay.

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Note: the essays are checked by an IELTS teacher, not an IELTS examiner or examiner trainer. All the bands are approximate.

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12 thoughts on “IELTS Essay Samples of Band 6”

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I am very interested in essays because I am bad at of this.when teacher gives homework I never get topscore .

I am requried writing 6.5 you can help me

Of course, we’ll be happy to. Please visit this page and subscribe to receive our tips, materials and new IELTS topics and questions.

I always try to.the essay follow

yah, this is an importent page for me and i try to read every day increase my reading skill

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Simone Braverman is the founder of IELTS-Blog.com and author of several popular IELTS preparation books, including Ace the IELTS, Target Band 7, the High Scorer's Choice practice test series, and IELTS Success Formula. Since 2005 her work has helped 100,000's of students worldwide achieve their target IELTS scores and live their dream lives. When Simone isn't working on her next IELTS book, video lesson, or coaching, she enjoys playing the guitar or rollerblading.

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• Task 2 Band 6 Examples

IELTS Writing Task 2 Band 6 Examples

These are IELTS Writing Task 2 band 6 examples (or 6.5) of essays that have been submitted by candidates practising for the test. There are also  basic comments on the score for each criteria by an experienced IELTS instructor. 

View other samples:

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Topic: Water Shortages (band 6)

Fresh water has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem.

What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

Fresh water resource is a worldwide issue, that is related to varied factors, and it should be involve every country in the world. This essay will illustrate some reasons of the increasing demand and some solutions to solve as soon as possible.

Nowadays, because of industrialization, many European country has resolved this problem because every citizen are able to get drinkable water, but there is a huge difference with the third countries. Although, European people do not miss water, limited water resource is becoming a global emergency that could affect every nation.

Firstly, the rising request is related to the overpopulation; that is the reason why Chinese government has tried to reduce and regulate birth, so they have got the power to limit and control the population growth; this is not a reasonable political action to take.

Secondly, the overpopulation has caused a growing demand of food, so further water has been used by farmer for agriculture; moreover, not all the farms have an appropriate and modern infrastructures and machines to give water to the soil, consequently a huge amount of this natural resource is wasted.

A solution could be taken by local governments, such as, investments in new technologies, which are able to reuse water from soil, or more invested money on the creation of food in laboratories, in this last scenario a vast amount of water could be saved.

In addition, global warming has affected significantly this issue, for this reason international cooperation should try to reduce the environment changing to preserve water, avoiding deforestation and pollution, increasing renewable energy. I would suggest teaching and educating children and students to save water in everyday life, these lessons could help them to notice their usage in their private house.

In conclusion, I think some solutions could be found to fix the problem; however, we should work all together to make the difference.

Task Response: 6

You have discussed the issues quite well but not all are fully explained . You have mentioned that global warming is a cause near the end but you haven’t explained why it leads to water shortage. You also have some irrelevant information like the body paragraph after the introduction or this sentence which is not related to the question: “ this is not a reasonable political action to take .” Fix these issues and you are likely nearer a 7 for TR. 

Coherence & Cohesion: 6

You do have issues with organisation and CC. As mentioned above – you introduce ‘ global warming ’, a ‘ cause ’ near the end. Surely this should be with the other ‘ causes ’ at the start of the essay. Also you have lots of short paragraphs. Put the causes in one paragraph and the solutions in the next paragraph. I’m also not sure what the first body paragraph after the introduction is for as it does not relate to causes or solutions - it looks like you might be introducing the issue, but don't waste time on this. Focus on directly answering the question.  

Lexical Resource: 6

Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but you have some problems with the way you use lexis, such as saying "solutions to solve".

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

This is probably just a 6 but it's borderline 5. You do have quite a few small errors, especially nearer the start, though it improves as your essay progresses. Particularly noticeable is issue with punctuation. You are using commas when you need full-stops or some kind of transition. Check out how you need to punctuate to avoid ‘comma splices’.

Topic: Reading & Writing Skills (Band 6)

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, our life improved by technology developments. Although some people think that communication through computers and mobile phones increased and has a detrimental effect on how young generation develop their skills in reading and writing, others think that this impact of technology is not a disadvantage. I strongly belive that young people reading and writing skills have suffered due to increasing usage of computers and mobile phones.

To begin with, technology  increases day by day and we have to be aware of what is new and implement it on our everyday life. It is certainly known that communication through online platforms it is more easier than the usual one and currently it is vital to have at least one tool like mobile phone or computer if someone wants to have an online conversation with somebody else. A survey was conducted on young subjects in 2007, in the United Kingdom and almost 90% of their respondents agreed with the fact that communication using devices is easier and more effective than using traditional ways and they looked more willing to use a device, like a digital book rather than have similar reading like in the previous generations.

To add more, there are many situations which provide that communication using only devices can be deficitary and it involves a lot of disadvantages. First and foremost, young generation can not experience the biggest pleasure of reading a new book, feeling the fragrance of their pages while sitting at the desk. Also, from the primary school, children learn how to effectively write and this situation needs improvement every day, because currently during the classes, many children get distracted and try to avoid what is vital for a society: to know how to correctly write. What is more, it has been proven that writing on a device decrease the rate of concentration in left emisphere of the brain and ought to this issue, many health problems can appear and develop. Nevertheless, technology development is an insurmontable situation that can not be stopped. During the years 2010-2020, a study was made using foreign students from my University and the results shown that those who used devices like mobile phones or computers in order to communicate had a lower rate of learning our mother tongue than others who concentrated on traditional books. Furthermore, a long period of time looking at blue screens affected the visual content and therefore most of them needed to see an Ophtalmologist.

To conclude, it is evident that communication is the most striking feature in our everyday life and both traditional and digital paths can be used, but younger generation needs to be aware of the disadvantages of using most of the time only devices like computers and mobile phones, because the drawbacks can outweigh more than the positive effects.

Task Response: 5

Much of your answer if you look does not actually answer the question - how are reading and writing skills affected. You address this briefly in body para 2 but your whole response should address this. 

For a 7, each body paragraph should have a central idea but your essay does not appear to do this. It gets confusing as to what the main idea of each is as you discuss positives and negatives.

Lexical Resource: 7

Grammatical range and accuracy: 7.

Lexis and grammar are stronger points in your essay; however, there are still quite a few obvious grammar errors so GR is borderline 6/7. You are writing too much. Reduce the amount you write and focus on brainstorming (making sure your ideas answer the question) planning, organising and checking grammar. There are some lessons here you may find useful.

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Band 6 Student Answer with Examiner’s Report

Lots of students only require a Band 6 or 6.5 in their IELTS test and I get lots of questions every week about what a Band 6 essay looks like and what is required to get a 6. I recently marked a Band 6 essay for one of our essay correction service students and you can read it below.

I have included the picture of the original essay below so you can see the original corrections and I have included the examiner’s report and sample answer. This student was able to get the Band 7 they required after following the advice below.

Task Response- Band 6

You address all parts of the task and cover both arguments. However, the question asked you to discuss both views and you spend much more time saying why children were happy and not adults.

You presented a clear position throughout the response. It was very good to see that you gave a clear thesis statement in your introduction and then used the rest of the essay to support this view. ƒ

You present, extend and support main ideas, but there was a tendency to over-generalise at times.

Suggestions –

For discussion (discuss both views) it is important that you give equal time to both views. Even if you disagree with one view, you should write one paragraph saying why you disagree. If you did this, you would have got a higher band.

One thing that you could do better is provide specific examples. The more specific you can be with your examples, the more authority your points have. You can make your examples more specific by adding dates, statistics, peoples’ names or place names. See my article below.

Be careful not to have too many ideas. Your ideas are relevant, but it is better to have fewer ideas and support these with explanations and examples, than simply list lots of ideas that are not fully developed. Examiners are looking for fully developed ideas, not lists of ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion- Band 7

You logically organise information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout. The structure that you have used really helps in this area and makes everything easy to follow and flows very nicely. However, it can be improved even more.

You use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately although there is some over-use. All linking words are used accurately and effectively, but there tends to be a reliance on them through overuse. This is not a huge problem, but the higher band scores use cohesive devices much less than you currently do.

Each paragraph presents a clear central topic and this is really helped by a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.

Try using this paragraph structure for discussion questions:

Introduction • Paraphrase Question • Thesis Statement • Outline Statement (outline what you will discuss in the rest of the essay)

Discussion of first side • Main point • Explanation of main point (linked to your opinion) • Example

Discussion of second side • Main point • Explanation of main point (linked to your opinion) • Example

Conclusion • Summary of main ideas and opinion

Your use of cohesive devices is very good, but you do have a tendency to overuse them. You don’t get more marks for every cohesive device you use and in fact, you will be penalised for overusing them. Only use them when necessary. If you look at my example essays I might only use them once or twice per paragraph.

Vocabulary- Band 6

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task such as ‘financial responsibilities’, ‘academic environment’ and ‘scientific competitions’. You attempt to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy and you make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication. Please see corrections above for examples of this.

You do try to use advanced vocabulary but this often leads to small mistakes. Follow the 100% rule- don’t try to use any words you are not 100% sure about. It is better to use simple words and make no mistakes than use advanced words, but in error. By 100% I mean that you should be sure about spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms etc.

In the long term you should think about starting a vocabulary book. This is a place where you record new vocabulary with spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms and example sentences to make sure you know it 100%. You can then review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your vocabulary.

You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary and make sure you have not made any mistakes.

Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word.

Grammar- Band 5

You attempt complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences.

You make frequent grammatical errors and some errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.

Please see above for grammatical errors.

Suggestions-

Establish your common grammar errors and then review this grammar. There are lots of online activities you can do to practice and perfect each area you are weak in.

Also, follow the 100% rule for grammar. You should only write sentences that you know are 100% correct. If there is any doubt then you need to think about how you can express your point in a simpler way, that has no mistakes.

It is better to write in a simple way and make no mistakes, than use complex grammar and structures with frequent errors.

Overall- Band 6

Overall this was a good essay but there are some things you can do to improve in the future.

The main things you can do is to answer the question by doing what it asks you to do. In this question you have been asked to ‘Discuss both views and give your own opinion.’ You have really only discussed one of the views. You need to make it really clear to the examiner that you have discussed both views by having a separate paragraph for each.

Your coherence will also improve if you use the structure I suggested above and you should also check out the structures for the other types of essay. I have included a link for this below.

Your cohesion is very good, but remember that you don’t need to start every sentence with a linking word, one or two per paragraph is enough.

Your vocabulary and grammar are your two biggest challenges. The quick way to fixing these is to follow the 100% rule I suggest above and if you want to fix these long term I would suggest the following:

1. Read books/blogs/magazines about the common IELTS Task 2 topics, such as Education, Health and Technology. Note down any new words in a vocabulary notebook as I suggested above and then review this regularly. It will take you a little while, but soon your vocabulary will really expand.

2. Find out what your common grammar mistakes are. Most people make the same grammar mistakes over and over again. When you know what these are, you can review the grammar rules, practice online and fix them.

If you can improve the things above, I am confident that you can increase your band score.

Suggested Resources

Paraphrases in IELTS/ Writing a Supporting Paragraph in IELTS/ How to Analyze IELTS Writing Task 2 IELTS Writing Conclusions IELTS Task 2 Essay Structures Common IELTS Task 2 Topics IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay Discussion

Do you need help with IELTS Writing? Try our IELTS Correction Service .

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I started IELTS Advantage as a simple blog to help 16 students in my class. Several years later, I am very humbled that my VIP Course has been able to help thousands of people around the world to score a Band 7+ in their IELTS tests.

If you need my help with your IELTS preparation, you can send me an email using the contact us page.

IELTS Writing Samples Band 6

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement, it is said that the amount of violence on tv programmes has negative effects on our social development and therefore should be reduced. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience., in many countries today, crime novels and tv crime dramas are becoming more and more popular. why do you think these books and tv shows are popular what is your opinion of crime fiction and tv crime dramas, many people believe that the internet has made life much easier for most people. however, others fear that it might also represent a threat. discuss both views and state your opinion., ‏nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on the problems and emergencies rather than positive development. some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. to what extend do you agree or disagree., some people think that the true function of a university is to give students access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. do you agree or disagree give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. write at least 250 words., some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. what do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age, the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.do you agree or disagree, many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. to what extent do you agree or disagree, many people nowadays see a counselor or therapist to improve their mental health. some feel, however, that this is unnecessary. discuss both sides and give your own opinion., it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion what sort o f punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children, some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. however, some say that individuals should pay for their university education. discuss both views and give your opinion., many people these days use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages, how significant is the role of technology in education today, nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things; whereas in the past, old things were repaired and used again. what factors cause this phenomenon what effects the phenomenon leads to, in spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. what are the causes of this and what other the impacts, nowadays congestion and traffic jams are a common and major problem in most cities. some people believe it is a good idea to construct wider roads to resolve this issue. do you agree or disagree with this statement what can be the solution, in our opinion, wt2: some psychologists think that the best way to overcome the stress of everyday life is to spend a portion of the day doing absolutely nothing. to what extent do you agree or disagree, some people argue that technology has made our lives more complicated, while others believe it has simplified things. discuss both views and give your own opinion, some people believe that technology has made our lives more complex, while others think it has made life easier. what is your opinion do you think the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages.

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Band 6 “Past The Shallows” HSC Essay

English: standard english- unit 3, high school - australia.

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Preview text, human experiences are varied and differ for each individual. evaluate the ways that ’past the, shallows’ represents human experiences in powerful ways..

To be human involves having choices, a purpose and desires that shape our beliefs, attitudes and perspectives that ultimately forge our identity thus, giving meaning to our human existence and the way we interact with the world, by sharing our own experiences through storytelling, to become aware of ourselves. Striving for connection and belonging is an innate human need that helps individuals to survive complex human experiences of adversity. Through the power of storytelling, composers provide the impetus for an imaginative and vicarious journey that paradoxically moves us simultaneously both outwardly and inwardly to reveal eternal and paradoxical truths. This is masterfully demonstrated in Favel Parrett’s intriguing Bildungsroman novel “Past the Shallows”, which explores these universal truths through conveying the triumph of the human spirit, through the collective and individualised experiences of brother’s will to survive the father’s cruel abuse in a dysfunctional family to explore taboo aspects of the human condition. Furthermore, Parrett intentionally exposes the paradox of relationships, as the audience are positioned to see the strength of the bond of brotherhood in the face of destructive and traumatic experiences through her unique characterisation which explores human flaws (harmartia). Furthermore, Parrett powerfully inspects grief and loss, exploring the various ways that people cope with adversity, leading to acceptance and rebirth**.** Parrett effectively challenges our ideologies and assumptions on the monstrosity of our human nature, by portraying that humanity is also bouyed by moments of joy and acceptance, in the face of adversity. Ultimately, she conveys humanities resilience through the power of storytelling.

The strength of brotherhood provides motivation, through destructive and traumatic experience, exploring the bitter paradox of relationships which can be detrimental, enabling us to survive hardship. Through compelling storytelling and the focalisation of Harry and Miles, Parrett challenges us to see the triumph of the human spirit, through the brother’s will to survive, despite the father’s cruel abuse creating a dysfunctional family. Parret intentionally challenges the readers to reevaluate and view the vitality of connectedness with others. As a result of his difference Harry is at first symbolised as isolated, much like the broader setting of Bruny island, a metaphor for the character's isolation. Through the metaphor “ They washed up in surf sometimes, the lost ones” Parrett skilfully foreshadows Harry as an anomaly, highlighting the inconsistencies of relationships, as though he is part of a family unit he feels ostracised as a result of dad’s destructive behaviour. Through the high modal declarative statement “You’ll bloody drink it” the reader is positioned to see the dysfunctional relationship between Harry and the Dad, illustrating the toxic masculinity reflected in the failed parent figure. Thus Parrett highlights the complexity of and fragility of relationships, yet paradoxically showing the inconsistencies in human behaviour, motivations and emotion, highlighting the ideology that not everybody has positive intentions. Through the multifaceted and inconsistent nature of the ocean, deliberately shown through the pathetic fallacy of “ocean breathing ”, Parrett mirrors human behaviors, emotions and motivations to reveal the inconsistencies of our interactions with others and how they shape our life outcomes. Thus, through the focalisation of Miles and Harry, Parrett illustrates humanity's need for companionship and a sense of belonging in order to survive adversities by finding comfort and stability through other sources. The strength of the bond of brotherhood is a beacon of resilience in surviving the father’s physical absue as Mile’s inclusive language “ We’ll be alright” exposes the importance of connection to others- that ultimately frees them. Moreover, positive connotations conveyed in the cyclical ending “ To somewhere warm to somewhere new” When Miles and Harry are succumbing to the ocean’s wrath, Parett purposefully explores these gratifying connections between the brothers, as when Miles feel the warmth of the metaphorical fire it is a bonding moment full of unconditional love. Ultimately, Parrett conveys the strength of brotherhood, in times of destructive and traumatic experience. Through her role as a storyteller she challenges us to see the need for human connection, for us to survive.

Futhermore, complex and challenging human experiences provide opportunities for individuals to achieve self- realisation and become resilient, if they are able to learn from their past experiences. We, as individuals, navigate this complex world through engaging storytelling, by sharing experiences through connection, challenging us as individuals to make sense of our world. Through her storytelling, Parrett purposefully explores that we, as individuals, are challenged to become resilient despite adversity, through the collective human experience of wanting to survive the hardships of life. Parett masterfully uses symbolism to illustrate that our human experiences may be unpredictable, but we must learn to overcome challenges, shown through the extended metaphor of the shark “ The three pups ... trying to swim against the mothers blood” showing the

intentional correlation to the mother and the three sons, and the struggle of grief and loss that ultimately shows the brothers reaction of struggling to live in this complex world of grief. This shows us that despite adversity we are able to survive. Throughout our lives, we will encounter challenges and obstacles, Parrett intentionally exploring the human frailty and vulnerability that must be overcome to survive the inconsistencies in lifet hrough the power of storytelling , as the bildungroman genre shows the growth and development of the characters. Through the focalisation of Harry’s assertive tone “I’m not scared anymore” she highlights the transitioning and acceptance, by overcoming the fathers abusive behaviour and Harry finding his true identity informing us that overcoming grief and loss, promotes growth both physically and mentally ushering change for a new perspective. Through seeing hope, the audience is challenged to witness positive moments in destructive and traumatic situations challenging us to become resilient. This is explored in the cyclical nature of her narrative structure conveying a positive shift in the character’s perspective in the truncated sentences “to somewhere warm, To somewhere new, ”intentionally focusing on the renewal and rebirth, of Miles’ perceptiveness leading him towards acceptance. Additionally, Parrett’s symbolism “ Out past the shallows” in the opening prologue encompasses the growth and wellbeing of an individual's experience. This metaphorical connotation encapsulates the notions of one’s past , the ability of one’s self to be challenged and motivated to move out beyond their comfort zone to ‘deeper water.’. Therefore, Parett as a storyteller purposefully unites people by sharing human experiences to make sense of our complex world. By overcoming adversity and becoming resilient, further showing the triumph of our human spirit through the human condition.

In Addition, Grief and Loss is what makes us human ultimately shaping our behaviours, motivations and emotions inturn, our individual identities. This allows us to grow, and become vulnerable allowing us to change the way we see and communicate with the wider world be refreshed and open to new experiences. As a storyteller, Parrett intentionally explores Grief and Loss as a collective human experience, to allow people to share experiences by uniting and coping with their own. Humans ulimately struggle with coping with grief and loss for example, the juxtaposition between Dad and Miles. Dad copes with anger and abuse whilst, Miles cries as seen in the aftermath of Harry’s death. Parrett intentionally explores that with Grief and Loss comes accpectance, these various coping methods as result of human experiences and emotions, are indeed what makes us human. The Truncated syntax and cyclical ending “ To somewhere warm. Somewhere” purposefully encompassing the deeper intimate emotional reaction that Miles, experiences; as he accepts his past and is ready to move on to a new beginning, creating a subdued moment of tenderness between Miles and the reader, and through his journey of acceptance it also shows us that by better understanding our past, we often better understand ourselves and our identities. As Miles is open to new experiences, as a result of Harry’s death by moving out of Cloudly bay, as he is free to explore the world, escaping the abusive dad, and the island. This allows the character development as Miles is “free” both mentally and physically. As a collective human experience we are forced to acknowledge grief and loss in order, to feel liberated and free through Miles allowing himself to grief the loss of Harry to his brother, Joe and himself transforming into the role of a storyteller as he experiences Catharsis, to survive his trauma shown in third person omniscient “ He let himself cry”. As individuals we are shaped by grief and loss, as we are driven to share our experience with others to feel closure and free, Stories allow us to share experiences. Thus, as storytellers sharing experiences allows us to grow and accept the truth. Parrett intentionally challenges us to share our own experiences and stories, to bond and unite with others through Miles’ experience with Joe promoting self-realisation and acceptance within ourselves, making us connected with our identities, making us human intentionally explores human experiences, by challenging us as individuals to share our own stories and experiences to feel accepted and free, allowing us to bond and unite with other storytellers to feel free and resilient to life’s obstacles. We are challenged to see and acknowledge that we as humans are storytellers, with stories that explore what it means to be human ultimately, being shaped by our behaviors, emotions and motivations.

Through unrevoled past and the intrusion of the present the strength of brotherhood provides motivation, in destructive and traumatic experience, paradox of relationships which can be detrimental, enabling us to survive hardship. Through compelling storytelling and the focalisation of Harry and Miles, Parrett challenges us to see the triumph of the human spirit, through the brother’s will to survive, despite the father’s cruel abuse due to supressed grief and loss from the of the mother, creating a dysfunctional family. Parret intentionally challenges

• Multiple Choice

Subject : English: Standard English- Unit 3

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